Going to sign the papers tomorrow at 4pm and I have not said anything to stbxw at all. I am starting to feel like some kind of chump or "melty man" as Puppy puts it, if I say anything to her about not wanting this. She KNOWS I don't want this so I think she would be disgusted if I made one last attempt at begging, pleading, groveling, wussing out... whatever you want to call it! I would call it fighting for my family but I have no idea where her head is these days.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Another thing, I am kind of looking forward to the legal end of this marriage, know what I mean? It is the new relationship that I am looking forward to with her. Shed the dead skin of the old marriage to unveil the new skin of the new relationship?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
V1, reframe those thoughts and think of it as signing your declaration of independence.
You choose your thoughts and the way you want to think.
You have been divorced for months now... all you're doing is closing off a formality. Remember... your W wants to be BFF's with you. All her efforts the past week has been to "show" you that the two of you can work as that.
As for your guilt about your GF... that's to be expected... you rushed into a new R without experimenting and taking it easy. You're supposed to go out and enjoy your life as a single, uncommitted man... not get attached to the first woman that comes along. That's a recipe for disaster and they call it a "rebound" relationship.
Get that PMA up. Move on with your life. That piece of paper takes care of your financial problems... sign it and get your stuff. IF your W wants more ... she will pursue you. You don't have to lift a finger.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
EDIT: misunderstood about the new relationship until I posted and read Gnosis response above.
Goodluck signing the papers tomorrow...and no need to say anything to her. You owe her nothing, this is what she wanted and you're giving it to her. That's all there's to it. She doesn't deserve to know your feelings- though I'm sure she knows but don't give her the satisfaction. Let her keep wondering, no emotions (good, bad etc) tomorrow- it's like dropping the laundry off, you go in, do your stuff and get out. If she acts remorseful don't give her a shoulder to cry on, don't even give her a chance to talk/explain etc. She needs to feel the reality of it hitting hard. And please don't say a word about your future expecations or hopes of reconciling...she needs to feel this is over. It may take her weeks to feel and through that period you're going to stay dark.
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 06/07/1004:55 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I have done the dark thing for months at a time and this woman does not respond the way a lot of WAW do.
Which is why, and not to load your head with hopes, I am interested to see where you are in say 6-7 months time from now. My (x)W was not the "a-typical" WAW eiher. And, as others have stated to you, and you yourself have said, yes, the D ends years and years of negativity. After a up and down couple of weeeks recently, (x)W and I are VERY well off with each other right now and everything is different, especially our intimate times.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I agree with dday. I think it's fine to keep possibilites open. Maybe your W is just wanting to be friends. You need to do that anyway since you have kids together. But, if she were to want more and YOU also want more, then I disagree with the advice to give her the cold shoulder. I don't think you would do that anyway.
Everyone's situation on here is different, and nobody wanted to find themselves here (including me). One thing I have done, though, is I look at each poster's description. That will give you an idea about their "slant" or take on things.
For instance, dday's description shows that there ARE possibilities after divorce. If that's NOT what you want, then fine. But if it is what you want, I think it's great to be open to that.
