Another Sad Deployed Soldier/Dad

[SoldierDad]

Hey man, just keep doing what you are doing.

As far as your R & R goes, when I was getting ready to go, and on the plane, I felt incredible anxiety. It was unfounded.

It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I "imagined".

That plane ride will keep your mind wandering. My suggestion is to sleep deprive yourself, and try to sleep most of the way.

Also, before you leave, make a list of the things you want to do while you have your kids. That really helped me remain focused on the task at hand-being happy with my boys.

One last thing. DO NOT fall into any traps. Stay focused and be ready for anything from her-and I mean ANYTHING.

Best of luck, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Another_Soldier]

Hey SD

I have every intention of keep on keeping on what i have been doing. The anxiety is still there but not as bad as it was. The medicine that the CSC perscribed really helps for that and as far as sleeping the whole time going back. I have that covered too. They gave me some $hit that could take out an elephant, so i already planned on sleeping the whole time so the mind isn't wandering.

(TRAPS) the only traps i can think of is the hey baby lets go do it or something like that. Like i said though i'm going home with the attitude "as if" nothing is wrong and/or going on. I am going to make the time i do have back home the best i can and treat it like i'm never going to get those 2 weeks back ever again. I have every intention of making it about my kids and me and if the W wants to come along she is welcome to but i wouldn't ask her. I want to mantain that attitued and be the decision maker that i am supposed to be. Yes i have my stones back and have already started really focusing on ME, getting a life and trying to not worry about future outcomes.

You guys are awsome and help a lot and i am so thankful that there are others out there that dedicate their time to help.

Day By Day "embracing the suck" LOL

[TrentC]

It sounds like you're doing well.

Deal with your R&R when it gets here.

[MichelleLT]

You will be fine no matter what.

Glad the meds are helping. Sounds like you've thought out the major logistical issues getting home.

You have the choice to make your R&R what you want it to be. So make it a good and memorable time with your kids. Have fun.

Don't let all the BS get to you. Forget about it for a while.

[Another_Soldier]

Ok so another couple days down... Things were looking up and have been feeling pretty good about myself and GALing as best as i can for where i am. I got an email from the W this morning and she was just going on and on about how the TAX RTN is going to be spent paying off HER bills and i just had to reply back. I had to put my foot down and not allow her to dictate how the money is all going to be spent.

I think she got the message and she said we should sit down and talk about how we are going to spend it and put it to good use. I wanted to tell her to just not worry about it and i will take care of everything but just didn't know how to word it at the time. I will just come up with a plan to get a lot of the debt that we have aquired over the years paid off.

I am making my stand and getting my stones back and i think it may be starting to show with her.;

O' anyone know what this "alt" site is and can tell me....

Taking it day by day

[Kimmie Lee]

Atl universe is something about faces and books...

You sound like you're doing good. Steady as she goes and I know it's hard, but don't react to your w's crap.

I am always so appalled when I hear about cheating spouses, and our brave soldiers having to put up with this sh!t while they are deployed. I don't care how "lonely" she is or how much she "misses" you, there are a billion other ways to deal with that than to chat with some loser and then go to the bar where he works.

Detach, detach, detach from your w and focus on your sweet children.

And listen to Puppy. He knows what he is talking about.

[MichelleLT]

What Kimmmie said. And some of us are very easy to find on there cuz we use the same name. Like me.

Try and keep 50/50 in mind with taxes and such. Most states like to split things pretty evenly in D. Are you from a community property state (can't remember where home is, or if you've mentioned it)?

[Another_Soldier]

WOW...Well i finally did what i had to do this morning. I called to talk to the kids and my son had let the cat out of the bag about my wife going out to the bar where the OM works again last weekend and it was the last straw. I couldn't hold it in any more and i had to let the W know exactly how i felt.
I think i followed the DB rules though so i hope i did the right thing.
I told W that i can no longer live in a M where there are lies and deceit and would not any longer. I told her that i will not accept her going to the bars on the weekends while i am here and especially not to the bar where the OM works. I told her that i am done with trying to figure out what she wants out of the M and that I will only be concerned for the kids and myself from now on. I told her she needed to figure out what was wrong with her and i would not be strung along. I told her that i would not contact her unless it was to speak to the kids or to talk about the kids. I grabbed those "raisins" out of her purse form 10000 miles away and put thm back where they belong. I stood up for myself and my marriage and set the boundary and gave the consequences of overstepping the boundary and W didn't like it 1 bit. She got pissed and started yelling over the phone told her i would not be yelled at and if she liked i would just hang up. I told her if she overstepped the boundaries i would pack all of her stuff up when i got home and move it into the garage so she could move to wherever as long as she had her head up her 4th point of contact. She stopped yelling and i told her that i would be taking over ALL of the finances and bills and she would have enough money to take care of the kids untill i got back home. Time to put those Big Girl Panties on.

WOW. I feel like i have a ton of bricks off my shoulders and and after i hung up with her i felt instant relief. I know this isn't over by any means and i need to keep DBing and it will be hard but i will just continue to GAL and focus on me and the kids.

Thanks everyone...

Day by Day

[Kimmie Lee]

That was good, so hold that line.

[Another_Soldier]

"Update" so i am about 48hrs from flying out of here now and the emotions are all running. I am feeling it all scares, anxious, nervous, worried, and even a little happy. I know it must be normal and I can get thru this. I have been working on me and my plan for when i get home. I am just going to be me and act "as if". Last time i spoke with the W she told me she would pick me up from the airport and i shouldn't worry about that. She had made a comment about finding someplace else to stay while i was home so i could be at home with the kids and not have to worry about her. I just don't think she gets it. I really do want her, but i don't want to be with a woman that don't want to be with me. SHe has a lot of crap in her head right now and I'm not trying to be her "fixer" like i used to be. I hope the way i am handling everything right now is working on her.

I think the hardest thing for me is the detachment part because i am afraid that if i detach to much she may think i am completely don with her and react the opposite of what i am working for. I have known her long enough to know how she is and how she reacts to things and the detachment really will start to show more and more how bad it is effectiong her. I love her to death but i am just tired of being depressed and sad because she isn't being the wife that is know and love very much. I know i don't want to start discussing everything as soon as i get off the airplane though i do know that. I don;t know how i am really supposed to act when i see her or when she is there waiting for me at the airport.

OK so some questions for when i arrive at the airport.....

Do i act like nothing is going on and hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i have missed her? Do i say hello and just start moving to the truck and just get in and not show ANY affection at all? What do i do? How do i react to actually being there again? What do i say?

Any guidance would be great i am on a short time crunch here and appreciate all the advice you all have been giving me.

Taking it 1 day at a time....