If you want to try to save your marriage, you are going to have to do long, hard, thankless work that may or may not pay off in the end.
Or, you can do what SMQ advises and give up now. You can play games and mess with your husband's head and hope that, somehow, you two can rebuild some trust down the road if he does come around.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I just feel like this is it, if he goes. Do I not say anything, act like it doesn't bother me and ignore it or do I say if you do this I am done with the disrespect.
He is almost begging you to stand up and say enough is enough, do what Steve says, set the boundry now! If You go, I go and believe me I will be fine without your sorry ass. Expect some documents for you to sign when you get home.
would'nt it be more effective if you sent your husband an anonymous letter that said,
"Just warning you. Your wife is having an affair."
I hope I am reading this wrong. Are you recommending that she send a false message to her own husband saying that she is having an affair?
Don't these people have enough trouble? Do you know that when people's passions are inflamed they sometimes do crazy things? Have you read in the newspapers about husbands killing wives and vice versa over this? I think that is the worst idea I have ever seen expressed on this board!
I just feel like this is it, if he goes. Do I not say anything, act like it doesn't bother me and ignore it or do I say if you do this I am done with the disrespect.
Do you really need to ask this? Of course you need to stop being disrespected. If he goes, it SHOULD BE it.
So if he does tell me he is going tomorrow when we talk then I have nothing to lose by sending the anonymous letter. We are not R talking so do I tell him this will happen or do I just deal with it when he gets back and take him by surprise. This is so hard. He has been fairly nice to me lately. I don't want to lose us being friends for the kids. But this might just do it. I need to move on today, it is just so hard not thinking about it.
Before you decide on anything you really need to dig a big hole, and bury your fear. Any decision you make while you are possessed by the fear you have is probably not going to be the right one.
It feels to me that you are so afraid of the trees (this potential trip), that you have lost sight of the forest (you want him to be with you, right?).
I believe you need to stop worrying about what he is doing, and get your feet under yourself. I don't get the feeling that you are really ready to enforce any boundary you might draw. At that point, it becomes an attempt at manipulation, and is doomed to failure, in my opinion.
