It is hard not to pursue. I want so much to make things better. The hard part for me is that I am continually told that it is me by the X. So if I am trying to make changes and do make positive changes, why are things not getting better?
I think I may not be the total problem, but have learned things and have changed some things in my life for the better. Why would someone not even care to talk to you to make things better? I really need to talk with some other DBers who can identify and provide some insight.
BINGO! Give that person the prize! It's not all about you. Sure you had issues in your R like everyone else but a normal couple works it out.
This all about the WAS right now so there's nothing you can do to control their actions. They have all the power. Think of how you can turn things into your favor.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It is hard not to pursue. I want so much to make things better. The hard part for me is that I am continually told that it is me by the X. So if I am trying to make changes and do make positive changes, why are things not getting better?
I think I may not be the total problem, but have learned things and have changed some things in my life for the better. Why would someone not even care to talk to you to make things better? I really need to talk with some other DBers who can identify and provide some insight.
Stuck is right. You have reached a point we all did - you are starting to realize this mess isn't all about you. It never is. Sometimes, it has little to do with you. But, your realization of this is significant because it shows you are on the right path.
Keep focusing on you. Give up trying to understand why she does/says anything. Might be an answer, might not. She may not even understand why. "Why" will drive you nuts. Especially when you are trying ti make "WHY" your fault, when it probably has less to do with you than you think.
You guys are awesome man. If you only knew how much it means to get feedback on this site. You probably do, but it means a ton to me for sure. When everyone outside of the DB forum seems to not understand, in here I feel like I am understood and it helps me go in a better, more positive direction.
Let me know if there is anything else I can do to make this situation any better.
Thanks again for helping me through these crazy times. I am striving to be better able to help others going through these situations also.
I tried a few unsuccessful times to contact the X via email and phone call. She ignores (no response) the emails and the voice mails get unreturned. Trying to get my D for my BDay on Monday and see how she is doing.
Bc she was not returning any communication, I thought she may have recently talked with her atty. I told my atty the X was not doing well with the make up of visitations specific to the court order. The X also does not want to continue the court ordered counseling. It was to continue until the counselor deemed it was no longer needed. We went previously and the counselor said we still had lots of work to do. Esp bc the X has been so verbally abusive, rude, disrespectful, etc. I feel like we def need it whether she wants to go or not. I wish she did "WANT" to go, but if we have it in the court order, maybe that will help some with her anger and our interaction.
I sent an email with a pic of the Halloween outfit I got my daughter so she could see it.
The X responded and said it was cute. She texted me later and asked me to contact her. We played phone tag a few times before managing to talk. She wanted me to keep my D Sat overnight bc they are having a baby shower for one of her friends. I debated the issue (w/n myself) bc I don't really want to just accommodate her to be able to go out and live the "single life" or go out with other guys per se. But, I do want to be able to spend the additional time with my D. We were trying to figure out the times and she said think about it and call her back after work.
Anyway, the X was surprisingly nice. WOW. It pretty much took me back. It melts my heart when she is nice bc it is such an anomaly. She sent me an email noting a suggested time. I kind of ignored the email as to not respond so quickly and feed into that. When I left work, I had planned to call her and before I could she actually called my phone. Again she was extremely nice and we were able to generally talk for a few additional minutes about my D. WOW again, we have not been able to do that. We agreed on the time and hung up on a positive note.. yay!
I was telling her on the phone I wanted to get my D on Monday afternoon / evening to go to dinner. She asks me why is it a special day?. what's going on? I just said nah... just going to dinner. If she doesn't know when my BDay is.. Telling her is not going to help her. I assume she knows and it is a way to get at somebody.
I went to pick up my D today and of course I am still required to stand on the porch. The X and I did not really conversate at all. Just picked up my D and consume myself with giving her hugs and kisses. The X stands there for a minute and asks D for a kiss bye and returns inside the house. Hope this gets better..
I guess I wonder bc the X has been nice on the phone is this a positive step? Is this movement in the right direction? Will she return to only revert back to her behavior? Was she being nice bc she is attempting to manipulate me into keeping my D on her terms? Any thoughts?
I guess I wonder bc the X has been nice on the phone is this a positive step? Is this movement in the right direction? Will she return to only revert back to her behavior? Was she being nice bc she is attempting to manipulate me into keeping my D on her terms? Any thoughts?
Who knows. And it doesn't matter.
Not trying to be flippant. But, whatever is motivating her or going through her head b/c you are working on you for YOU. You do thinkgs b/c they are the right thing to do for YOU.
She might come back, might not. And, in the end, that's not the goal. The goal is to get you right, b/c YOU need that (and so does your D) and, it is the only chance of luring X back.
Don;t waste your energy trying to figure X out. You won't be able to and, it will just frustrate you.
Hanging with the D today and having a blast. Went w/ my mom and got some dinner then came back for a nap. Kind of late in the afternoon so now we will be up for a while.. lol
Talked with a recently reconnected high school days buddy and he is having a tremendously difficult time with his recent divorce. He had told me that is was difficult time for him. Just spoke with him yesterday and he tells me he overdosed on some meds. He went to a rehab and now is back out. I had not talked with him in a week or two during this time.
Anyway, I just put all this out there to say this is difficult stuff. D is really hard on people and their families. They should do more in high school and more to teach the importance of relationships and marriage to prevent so many people from going through stuff like this.
Hang in there all you LBS and those having difficult times. These moments of hardship will mold us into better ppl and give us more character. Allow the these circumstances to teach us to be wise individuals for ourselves and a positive influence to others around us. Hopefully the WASs will see a change for the better and allow themselves to make transitions in their lives as well. I pray for all circumstances of separation and hardship.
Wow…. Today is my birthday and I have been attempting to coordinate to get my Ds and go to dinner with them and my mom. Coordinating with everyone is always a tough process. The X told me the other day I could get my youngest D and asked what we were doing and who all was going. I did not even mention the BDay, because she has made it a point to not to acknowledge or even say Happy Bday in the last couple of years. I just said we were just getting together and hanging out, having dinner and told her who was gong to be there.
She does ask a lot of questions for someone who does not want me to ask her anything. Whew. She emailed me today to ask what time I was going to get my D and I answered after a little bit. Later she emails me again and asks what time I was bringing her back. I again email answering her question after a little bit. She send me another saying she “Just realized it was (my) BDay. Happy Bday.”
This is a major milestone for her to say anything about the Bday. I had to read the email several times as I was in shock. Her being nice. Her saying Happy Bday. Knock on wood. She is emerging.
I just try not to get too excited about her being able to do these things, but they definitely make a huge difference for me. Just thought I would share this progress.
I just try not to get too excited about her being able to do these things, but they definitely make a huge difference for me. Just thought I would share this progress.
While this may be nice on her part, beware of her niceness making you feel good (about yourself & life) and her opposite moods bumming you out and sending you into a tailspin. Methinks you are still giving her power over your feelings about yourself, your day, your life.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
