Well she's torn. She's not gone. SHe's in your bed. How I wish I was that close to my H these days. Looking doesn't mean anything. IT's just a fantasy.
You're right. She is torn. She's not in my bed though. She was for two nights, but not since.
I saw her on the computer. She didn't hide it. I went upstairs as I usually do to change my clothes after work and wrote my previous post.
When I came down, she called me over and said "Just do you know, when I am looking at this stuff, I am thinking of it as temporary. Hopefully this will give me the space that I need and then I'll come back home. We'll just use the other place as investment property."
We hugged, we cried etc.
I told her that I still didn't agree, but would accept it if that's what she really felt she needed. She cried and told me that she's so sorry for this and thanked me for not hating her. I responded by telling her that I am just trying to be supportive, understanding and the best husband I can be. I said "It's funny, I think that I'm now a better husband than I have ever been." She agreed.
I told her that her actions confuse me. If she hates being in debt, it doesn't make sense to take on the expenses of another house. It's more than just the down payment but closing costs, prepaids, home inspection, appliances, association fees, furnishing etc. But if that's what she really felt she needed.
She had gotten pizza for dinner and I brought homw a couple of movies. I wasn't in the mood for a family night at that point so I went for a walk.
When I got home she seemed concerned about me. I was careful not tu make it about me at that point. We hugged some more and she went for a walk herself.
She still cares sometimes, but this seems to be becoming a lot more MLC.
I am struggling. I have made a choice, a committment to see this thing through, but I am sick of rejection. Being unwanted. I'm thinking of all of the mean things that have been said and done. Do I want someone who treats me this way?
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I think you have to look and see where it is coming from. In other words, my W right now has said and done hurtful things. She rejects me daily. But if she isn't really in her "right" state of mind, I can disregard those things. If we begin to reconnect and start to reconcile, those hurtful things should stop. If they don't, then I would start wondering if it is time to move on myself. I hope this makes sense. We are starting Retrouvaille tonight, and I have been kinda thinking this way. She isn't wearing her rings and sometimes talks to me like I am one of the children. But she is hurting inside. Hopefully this weekend will help her start to heal herself so we can heal the M.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Look, you have been through a wild emotional swing recently. Plus you have some indication that she is still in it. All I have right now is indifference. If I can keep going, you can.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Watch Crank 2 tonight. Have a couple of beers. Sit by the firepit in the backyard.
Tomorrow: Mow grass, play golf.
Sunday: Work on the car. Get my a$$ back in the gym.
Maybe I'll see if I can work an early autumn boat ride in there with a couple of friends somewhere. I need to have plans so I don't just end up siting around.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Good ideas. Definately keep busy. My negative thinking times are when I am idle.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Look, you have been through a wild emotional swing recently. Plus you have some indication that she is still in it. All I have right now is indifference. If I can keep going, you can.
I've been through indifference. Indignance. Hostility. Anger. Resentment. She has thrown it all at me.
It was only just over a week ago that she was yelling that she should have never married me across the front yard (hi neighbors). I have heard how she has "never" been in love with me. Watched her flirt with other guys at friend's parties. Seen her suck down wiskey with other men minutes after I asked her not to. Heard her tell me that her "happiness is out there with someone else" ON our 10th wedding anniversary. Sat there while she went to the bar in a minidress without a ring until 3am. Saw her throw up in my car (son in backseat) while driving her home from a party where she drank too much. Read facebook posts by another man referencing how she needed to be spanked. Listened while she told me that her GF is more important to her and she wants to "kick me to the curb." I've been called selfish and 'making everything about me' after working over 50 hours per week to provide everything we own, helped her start a business, and lived in a state that I never wanted to be in for the past 10 years. And I've dreaded being called controlling and manipulating if I decided to say a word about any of it.
You're right though. There is an indication that she is still in it. I need to remember that...and continue to focus on myself. Get a life. And let it play out as it will.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
And I've dreaded being called controlling and manipulating if I decided to say a word about any of it.
how did that work for you?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
