I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness.
Quote:
This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.
Quote:
I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.
I won't spoil the upshot. It's worth reading.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
On the issue of pride--I think he actually DID have pride, and that was the problem. His pride was hurt. He couldn't deal with the changes in his life that made his status change. He had so much pride, that he didn't think about the hurt and harm he would cause his family by leaving. He only thought of himself, "the kids want me to be happy." You, on the other hand, had let go of your pride. Let go of how this would make you look to your friends and community. How it hurt your pride to hear "I don't love you anymore". You sacrificed your pride for the good of the marriage, the family. And once your husband worked through his issues and was ready to give up his pride for the betterment of his family (mowing the lawn, fixing the door, etc), your marriage and family came back together again. Personal pride, being fixated on your own situation and how everything affects YOU, is the root of all relationship evil. (I'm not talking about the pride of being satified with a job well done or in the achievements of others.) You worked so hard to eradicate that within yourself, and it worked. At least, that's how I see it. Beautiful story.
This is the best comment and so very true for all of us...
Absolutely wonderful article...
Thank you for sharing it.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I enjoyed reading this article. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
To anyone who reads the article... Be sure to read the comments, they were very interesting.
MJ
You're welcome...glad to be able to "pay back" just a little bit.
Thanks for the tip on reading the comments...I usually DO read those, but missed the fact they were available on this article. They were indeed very interesting.
As expected, she is a gifted and published writer and has in fact written a memoir (not yet published, but I bet this will help get it moving!) of this time in her marriage; the NYT article is a greatly condensed version of this. On her blog, she is receiving a great many comments and is personally responding to more than a few of them. Her article has resonated with a great many people, as you will see if you read them. She has even been contacted by Good Morning America!
