Sorry to hear your X is marrying today. Mine is too. It's raining cats and dogs here and there is severe weather predicted. It was a beautiful June day when we wed.
I think maybe they're driven to marry in their search for happiness. It's not really about the other person. In the beginning mine said, "This isn't about OM, sleeper." They are still searching for the "thing" that will make them happy. They won't find it but this will be a temporary fix.
In some ways it's as if they are doing everything in their life over (replay) because they weren't happy and they think they went wrong somewhere and if they just do it over but right this time they will be happy.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Sleeper I am Ok--Thanks for asking I have been letting go The pain has subsided..the shock is gone and I am moving toward acceptance on a new level It will be interesting to watch the new developments now that XH has married OW
Back then , he wouldnt have chosen her Cage Thanks for your Ideas I believe that I was his first I did all I could to restore my M I have no regrets I take responsibility for my part of the mistakes in my M I can peacefully move forward I will pray for my XH and let him go I do not believe in my heart he is sane or that this new M will work, but we will see I have grown thru the mess and I think I came out a better person THanks you all for your support peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You are a woman of strength, beauty and grace......and I think that OW will find that a very tough act to follow!
Cagzmom is right about being "the first" too I think (Thanks Cag for giving us all that new healthy perspective!). No matter what our ex does, that can never taken away...... and the person the OW/OM are getting is NOT the wonderful person we got (or thought we were getting). It is a pale imitatation with no underlying substance!...... But, I know it still hurts!
Hang in there, peace!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
peacetoday - Read my post under midlife crisis titled "what the hell do I have here". Just when you think it couldn't get stranger...it does. Romantic affairs seldom (maybe 1 in 5) end up in a successful remarriage. Quite often the remarriage is the beginning of the end. Fantasies seldom pan out. Marriage puts reality back into the equation. MLCers avoid reality.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Peacetoday - The MLCer is all about control or maybe lack of control. They feel out of control and therefore seek it at every opportunity. For your 42 yr old Ex to marry a 28 yr old pretty much in my opinion has illustrated that. He has picked an easy mark whereas you were more demanding intellectually and emotionally. That control and power usually mitigates at least short term, a lacking self esteem. However as time goes on, what your husband needs won't be there. The differences will be glaring at some point.
I'm a 48 yr old man and men sometimes joke about trading in the their 40 something old wives for two 20s. However, that is what it is...a joke. I couldn't imagine marrying a 28 yr old. Music tastes, friends,life experiences and just the overall intellectual and emotional differences would most often be profound. Currently I'm dating someone 10 years my senior and we have a ball together. I couldn't imagine dating someone 28 years old, much less marrying them. That would be in all but the most unique cases a prescription for disaster. Add to that,(if I remember correctly) she has an 11 yr old son? That is an indicator to me. This won't last. Hang in there. This is your husbands journey.He has to take it and finish it before he heads back.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
THrill Thanks I read your post and it is hopeful like full circle I look at my current situation with my xh and feel it cant end this way something more has to happen LIke I always wanted to know everything I did while standing was right and I always felt xh would show up again as he used to be I still feel he will but just like you I wonder is it too late I am dating this man for a few months too It is fun , a diversion, not sure it will lead anywhere but further away from here but it feels ok to start over
MY xh ha commented in the past on 28 OW she"treats me as a equal" I guess..maybe they are both emotionally young My xh is opoosite of the man I used to be M too like he is temporary insasne peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Your Ex is firmly entrenched in replay. He is replaying his adolescence. What attracts him to this 28 yr old is a novelty. Novelties grow old quickly. She is a band aid on a gun shot wound.
Same with my Ex. she hasn't been married a year and she is now telling me how wonderful I am and that she is in love with me. She is nothing more than a trophy wife and arm candy for this guy. He is an azzclown who pretends to have money and is actually deep in debt. An overgrown emotionally under cooked senior citizen player.
Both of these situations are real deep, don't you think? LOL
Love 'em and let them go. We can't do the growing up for them. In the meantime you may meet a man that rocks your world and is looking for a woman.....not a girl.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
