You'll need to make a parenting plan with her based on daily phone calls at specific times. I know, it's not easy to talk to small children on the phone. Heck, I have a 14 year old that is impossible to talk to on the phone!
Example:
1)Schedule a daily phone call to talk to each child just after their dinner time, just before bath time. That way your phone call doesn't disrupt their sleep schedule.
2)Make arrangements to fly to GA once a month. Schedule that weekend and make it happen, no matter what. Book a hotel room if you don't have friends you could stay with there.
Show that you want an active role in your children's lives regardless of where she has taken them.
I know you don't want to push things legally right now because you are hoping to repair your M, however these are your children and they come first. She has to understand that. She can't want to cut you out of their lives. If she does, you will need to take immediate legal action to protect your R with your children. It's harsh, but it's the way it is.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thats my problem right now. My being with them right now is like 2 minutes on the phone. Anyone tried talking to 3 year old boys and a 6 year old girl on the phone? Not easy.
I can only imagine how "not easy" it would be. I'm sorry. I'd call them every evening before she put them to bed and do the best I could talking to them!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
solana....SKYPE (or how ever you spell it). I have a neighbor that hooked up a video camera to his computer. Then got on skype and has been communicating with his kids in Lithuania for the summer (btw 5yo and 2yo).
Also, I know the distance to GA. I'm local to the DC area as well. You can drive it in 8hrs. Just got back from FL as a matter of fact.
You said that financially you are sound, so get a cheap air line ticket. SW runs specials, $79 one way (or less).
Guess what I am trying to say, and its something I said to my FWAH, if you want something badly enough, you WILL make it happen. Try not to get stuck in the "whoa is me". Its hard not to, trust me, I fight it every day. You can make it happen.
A popular book among the men is "Hold on to Your N.U.T.S".. a quick, direct read and something I've peeked at, too!
So.. things sucked in the marriage, both parties flayed around, one person took drastic action.
Your spouse took your children without your knowledge back to her family's home a day's drive away. Additionally she's made bad choices there with men, alcohol and drugs.. while married.
She wants time. You want her to feel better. Great. But... ohhh, the "but's" in life.. children are not commodities that are worth more to one parent than the other. Children need both parents.
Define your boundaries.
What is and isn't appropriate behavior?
The kids are probably confused about where Daddy is... for good reason.
When one spouse starts hopping on the Divorce/Separation/Runaway train, life goes from being a nice compact Vidalia onion to a sprawling exposed "Bloomin' Onion". A wise person here wrote, "What is best for my children is best for me."
Consider finding out your legal rights. Many reputable lawyers will give an initial free consultation. Have realistic, not idealistic expectations. When she talks, you listen.. just listen. It's amazing what you hear. Leave the Mr. Fixit coat at the door. Become Mr. Ear, with a few good "Uh huh's", "I can understand how you feel that way's", occasionally repeating what she's said. Listen... Consider supergluing the tip of you tongue to the base of your mouth if you start answering (even mentally).
Hope for the best and have a Plan B for the not so good.
Well I bombed this morning. I was trying to give my wife space but found out she was with the OM last night, by way of MIL. W said "I guess I just wont think about coming back!"
I know I have to keep a level head and all. But man does it burn to know she is with another guy right now and had our kids around him.
Im so down trodden right now. Im trying to think of what I should do but I just dont know. What should I tell her?
I wanna say... If you insist on seeing this man fine. But I will not support you! I will be picking up the kids along with the local sherrif tonight!
Talked to the wife and asked her what she was thinking. Got into a divorce talk with her and she said she just wants to be happy. She says she knows that a divorce is not the right thing to do for the kids but she also says she doesnt want the kids around us fighting. She said she may just stay down there and go to school and get a part time job.
I bought a ticket to go to Texas tommorow. Im trying to stay strong but I need my family right now. Ill leave her be for now. I did all the wrong damn things I could have done today.
I dont know what to do! My wife has agreed to come back to Virginia with the kids because of 4 things.
1. Money -- It took her 6 months to find a part time job at Wal-mart 2. House -- Her brother, where she is staying, is kicking her out of the house. 3. School -- She wanted to go to school, but was notified that she needed 1500 dollars to do so. 4. The Kids -- They keep asking for me and have been acting up recently without me there.
But she made it clear she has been seeing OM for the last 6 months and says shes in love with him. She doesnt want to give him up, but she says she is going to tell him. She just sent me this txt
I f*****g love him... WHY make me choose. I finally find a great guy and I cant even have happiness. I hate my life right now.
She says she has no feelings for me whatsoever and can never see herself happy with me.
What should I do? I love my wife enough to let her go if she will be happier without me. But Ive only been able to see the kids once in the last 6 months and it was horrible leaving them. Im horribly depressed without my children. But I have a feeling if she comes back she will resent me forever.
Ok.....so she can send the kids back to you and relinquish custody in favor of OM. She can't have it all. Time to be tough. She can't afford to keep them with her, can't support herself let alone the children. I assume you can?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
