My H is noticing but I think he believes I've GAL just to spite him and it's just cos he's left and I want him back and not for my own benefit. I think that's influence of OW, she's got his ear. See my post re the ego! Interest has not been sparked though well not yet, but not giving up.
I'm sending the stockings to you now They are wonderful to help stay warm in London in August, are very slimming and hide wrinkles, freckles and veins; not to mention a wonderful cover up if you haven't waxed your legs! (Ah, yes, your too young to worry about the unsightly wrinkles and veins....lucky girl!) They of course, also come in a thigh stocking, too!!
Surgeon was happy so I have another week until I see him.
I am going out now and then off to see my H's parents. Looking forward to it!
Julia, there is a phrase in this part of the world to describe how fabulous I think your GAL plan is: "You GO girl!!!!" (does that translate?) What you've described sounds perfect, especially the swimming because it sounds as though that has been a passion of yours. You sound VERY centered. I can hardly wait to read your report after your first walk this weekend.
Writing to you has helped me to clarify my thoughts about my sitch, so I am very appreciative of this dialogue. Yesterday I realized something about my situation that I think may also apply to yours, so let me run this by you, OK? In my situation, many of the people H and I socialized with had been H's friends for 10, 20, and even 30 years, so when we separated they naturally kept in contact with him. I believe that you wrote that you do not have the opportunity to interact with mutual friends either. This has made it difficult to show our H's more rational friends that we have been good attitude girls (and not b*&%hes) throughout this process. H's chief complaint was that I spent too much time working (he was right but I didn't have any other job options at the time), so when a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (this was divine intervention I believe) allowed me to switch jobs and cut my work hours from 60 hr/wk to ~35 hr/wk H told all his friends. That's right,....... my H spread the word himself.
In your situation, is it possible that your moving to London and having the exciting and interesting social life that you are in the process of building will create such an impression that your H won't be able to resist mentioning your new life to his friends? Your super-charged GAL activities may help to get the word out to H's friends that you are having the kind of life that he/they would like to have. I'm sorry that I don't know the entire history of your sitch, but did you and H ever live in London together? Is this something that he has always wanted to do?
To be honest our friends paths don't cross. The friends he hangs around with now are his uni friends who are really juvenille and would not be good at this relationship stuff. Most of them have barely ever had girlfriends. He has pulled back from his nice friends. Although one of them keeps in touch with me which is sweet.
I grew up in London and he grew up out where we lived together. His parents have a flat in central London and he lived there for a year before moving out to the suburbs with ow. We didn't live together in London although we had a year after uni where I was at my parents and he was at his, it is what made us decide to live together - no privacy!!
If h gets wind of GAL stuff it'll be cos I've told him, or we've met up. The thing is that hearing about this stuff when we do meet will spark his interest I think. It worked last time, unless I post updates on FB but that seems a bit fake.
I hope I'm ok for the walk on Sat. I seem to have done something to my back, I woke up in agony last night. Hope it is better before Saturday. It is at times like that I hate being on my own. Just even having someone be there, or to get up for me and get a pain killer would have been great. I couldn't lift my arm up to get them without crying out. It's a little better today and at least it got me out of a lunch meeting with my chairman!
You sound pretty positive in general, but ouch on the back injury !! You should get that looked at !?? I was thinking about what you said...
Quote:
H is firmly in OW fog at the moment. Everything is new and exciting. New job, new flat (again!), lots of money - he has already spent half of his money from the house in paying off credit cards/ debts and on new toys/ meals, and first class trips to New York for him and OW (glad to see she is paying her way!!). I had to check our bank account to see if my name had been removed and I had a peek. It has made me wholly glad that I have my portion which is still fully intact. If I said the amount he has spent I think many of you would be very, very shocked.
.. your H is 26/27 isnt he? I was given a lot of money at 27, when I took voluntary redundancy. I used some of it to go back to Uni for my future, sure, but the rest, I blew on a new car and a 6 week trip to America, new clothes and music and also, got a new bf at that time (my current one) and it WAS all new and exciting. I think from your description, its not that everythings "new and exciting" in a bad way, but that enjoying his new status and money is probably only natural at his age and also, normal. You talk about it as though he is in "a fog" or unhappy. But the opposite could be true, he could just be enjoying his life and making the most of it whilst he is young? He already did get M and buy a house and has stepped away from that (sorry).. so its not surprising, especially in light of those previous health issues, that he might be happy to just relax, have fun and NOT have responsibilities for now and thats not a bad thing. There would be time for that again later, but no need to rush back in to house ownership/saving/responsibilities etc.
What he is doing doesnt seem unhealthy, or bad, FOR HIM (although I know its hurtful for you). Especially if he now has a better paid job and better earning potential, why not spend some dosh? And dont forget Julia, he still cares about you and I am sure it does hurt him too, what he has done to you and having to get a D. Maybe he wants to blow the equity you made, rather than reinvest it in his future.
I really think, you might do better to drop the rope, really drop it, as in, accept that he is moving on, even if you cant yet move on yourself (very understandable). It might help to not put a negative spin on everything he does. Like I said, from what you post, he doesnt sound that miserable, like in his email? He said he is enjoying his new job, he's moving to a new place (remember how excited you were about doing the same) and he's planning to buy himself a cat, so sadly, I guess he considers Maple 'yours' now. Is he a big mask wearer, could all of that be a front?
Do you really really, feel that he is in a fog? I didnt think you had picked up on FB or from any of his friends that he is unhappy? Or do you feel that he is? What does your intuition say?
Julia, I missed the board yesterday because I was out GAL until late last night. I went with a GF to a free movie premier of a movie titled "Adam". It's about a young man with Aspergers Syndrome, a form of autism in which individuals function fairly normally but with difficulty grasping social concepts such as empathy and telling "little white lies" to smooth over social situations. The script, acting, and social commentary were all excellent! I highly recommend it! It's actually very humorous and warm, even though the topic sounds like a bit of a downer.
I'm sorry to hear about your strained back. Have you tried putting ice or moist heat on the strained area and taking anti-inflammatories (i.e. aspirin, ibuprofen)? Maybe soaking in a cool swimming pool along with some gentle swim strokes to stretch out would help to soothe the discomfort? I am hoping that you will be able to go for your walk tomorrow morning. You could always start out with the group and if the back is bothering you too much you could hop on public transit to get back home????? I'll be waiting for your update......
Re: "dropping the rope" and your super-charged GAL activities, is it possible that you have chosen the perfect backdrop (London) to showcase your fabulous new life? If your H is "sowing his wild oats" (does this translate?) he might find your fabulous new life in London particularly interesting!!! How can OW living in the suburbs compete with the exciting and interesting Julia????
Goodattitudegirl - Can you post a like to any info about that movie? My son has Aspberger's and I would love to read more about it before I take him to see it. Do you know when it's releasing nationally?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mishka,I responded to your question on your thread.
Julia and all, I think that what I am about to do is referred to as highjacking. I apologize for this. I haven't started my own thread yet but wanted to tell you all about a VERY interesting program that was broadcast on our local public television station last night called "The Brain in Love". This is essentially a lecture given by a psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen. Over the past 10-20? years Dr. Amen has become involved in brain imaging research. He uses this technology to figure out what causes relationship problems in his patients. It was VERY interesting. If you can access any of his materials I think you would find it very interesting. He has a website (www.amenclinics.com/). One of the links at the bottom of the home page is "marital problems". This may sound a little hokey to many of you but I think it very well may have merit. I have a degree in neuroscience and did research in that field for 20 years so I find his work very interesting and exciting (nerd alert!).
Question of etiquette: I would like to provide more information about this for the group but don't want to highjack your thread. Is it very hard to start a thread? Do I need to start my own thread to share this?
Just a note to say that I am reading your thread with interest. I usually post in newcomers but I read the Board generally to see solutions that others are trying. I think that switching up the dynamic does help. Any little change in communication etc can breathe new life into things. I find that pulling back usually sparks interest especially when combined with GALing. This is less of a "technique" than it sounds. Sometimes you can do nothing more than pull back and concentrate on you when you feel yourself beginning to focus too much on the progress you are hoping to see. Anyhow, I think you are doing well and I will keep on reading. Wishing you the best...
They are wonderful to help stay warm in London in August, are very slimming and hide wrinkles, freckles and veins; not to mention a wonderful cover up if you haven't waxed your legs! (Ah, yes, your too young to worry about the unsightly wrinkles and veins....lucky girl!) They of course, also come in a thigh stocking, too!!
