We had a 20-year SSM (Sex-Starved Marriage), then my wife's affair in the summer of '07. Filed for D later that summer, had two "stays" of the order, and then we withdrew it for good last year. We've been working on it since, and yes, we are living together full-time now. The "separation" lasted all of about two weeks, LOL! We're MCing now, and while we still have some "clashing libido" issues, we have a great MC and we're very positive about the direction things are going.
Thanks for asking!
They were right when they all told me that the "piecing" part would be the hardest part -- even harder than busting the affair! I didn't believe it at the time, but it's so true!
Thanks for sharing. I definitely think the piecing part is the hardest part now that I've been at it since July. I know there's no shortcut or quick fix. However, I am grateful for all the lessons I've learned over the last 8 months (and will continue) to learn. Most importantly I've found myself again.
As it is Thanksgiving, just wanted to say that I'm so very grateful and thankful for your support through this journey I'm on. Without it and the support of my loving friends I don't think this would have been bearable.
One thing men love to do, is talk about their jobs, especially when we're having particular success with it, or when we're particularly struggling with it. And when we ARE struggling with it, it affects our self-esteem tremendously.
Show me a man who's having work, financial and sexual problems, and I'll show you a man who's feeling pretty much 90-95% defeated. I find that women rarely understand the affect of even ONE OR TWO of those three things.
Puppy
THIS should be on a plaque hanging somewhere VERY public.
Hi Puppy! Hope you are well. Things continue to progress well. Somehow he's managed to get us into remodeling projects right before the holidays again. Two bathroom remodels! Long story...Of course he gets stressed out and starts judging what I am or am not doing. I said to him - Do you ever look in the mirror? I'm sick and tired of being judged by you. Ever since then he's been just as nice as can be.
Last Friday night he asked if I would skip my workout and go out to dinner. Then he took me by his shop to have me pick out some materials for the bathroom and to show me what they're working on (one last project - work as all but dryed up and he's had to layoff half his crew). We had a nice time together. Still not hearing "I love you" but our S life is definitely very active.
My sister-in-law asked me to help out with my mother-in-law on Saturdays (getting her showered and cleaned up) because she works in a jewelry store and is working a lot of holiday hours. I'm happy to help. My mother-in-law and I have always had a great relationship - closer to her than my own mother! It's sad how far she's digressed. You just have to laugh at the funny moments though - you never know what "treasures" you'll find hidden in her bra! Of course my H has been very appreciative.
Friday night he's going with me to a Happy Hour reunion with some folks I went to grade school with and then we have a dinner with one of his key clients.
I think we're making progress. Hope to some day feel that "I'm in love with you" connection again! One day at a time...
Hello Puppy and fellow DBers! Hope everyone had a good Christmas.
Puppy - here's the update...Things still progressing. Received a lovely card from my H on Christmas - He wrote: "I know it's been a tough year for us. But I'm looking forward to 2010. Let's make it the best year ever together. I love you.
I wish I could say all problems with the friend are gone. Her H filed another restraining order against her the week of Christmas and had her removed from their home. Classy guy huh?! However, she is reaching out to me now as well. I am proud of my H. He's being a good listener but not offering to get involved. I don't know why her H just can't let this get over! Well I guess I do know. Money has become his god and he's on a mission to pay her as little as possible.
Anyway, I hope you had a good Christmas and that your family is well. I'm looking forward to 2010 - I hope to say by the end of the year next year that our marriage is progressing well and is much healthier and happier!
My H wants just the two of us to get away to the lake this weekend. I'm looking forward to that. Have a Happy New Year - be safe!
My weekend at the lake with my H went well. I'm noticing other little positive changes. For example, it snowed here about 4 or 5 inches and my H made a point to clean off my car for me yesterday so I could get to work.
I think my H would describe our marriage before this as SSM. I'm feeling more connected to him so that's gotten much better. Had sort of a reawakening if you will. Just trying to have fun and be playful. He seems to really appreciate that.
Still not a whole lot of working coming in for his business. Half the crew is still laid off. Please pray that his bids will be successful and business will come in!
I continue to GAL - workout, enjoy friends etc. We had a couple come over for New Years Eve and had a good time. Interestingly enough we've been friends with this couple for many years (they were also friends with my H's ex-best friend and wife) - and they actually divorced for about 3 years and then ended up back together and remarried.
It's freezing here in the Midwest! Hope your staying warm!
