Puppy - don't know if you saw my last post. Interested in your opinion re: phone records. On a whim, I called my IC today and she can see me today instead of Wednesday (too hectic anyway the day before Thanksgiving).
I know this situation stumps you so I feel like I need to go and talk things out with my IC so I can face the weekend and communicate properly so as not to cause more damage.
Say a few prayers for me this weekend please. Thanks for your support!
Guess I'll save this one for my IC appt next week. I really think it stems from the fact that he doesn't think he did anything wrong - that he was just being a good friend.
This is b.s. Go back and re-read your old posts; your husband ADMITTED to you that his relationship with this other couple was potentially destructive for him and his marraige.
As for the phone records, I don't know what you gain from checking them.
a) he knows you have access to them, so it's not a real good source of intel;
b) he never agreed to no-contact/transparency anyway.
c) it makes you look weak and paranoid, and it enables him to successfully portray you that way (not saying that you are -- just that it's helping him position it that way).
If it were me, I'd either give it (intel) up completely, or -- preferably -- I'd switch to another form.
Good points. It allows him to redirect things onto me. It fuels the you don't trust me (which I don't entirely). And it ends up being all about me instead of him taking any responsibility for his part in things.
You know when all that was going down with the suicide attempt - he was all over - understanding my feelings about things. I heard I love you so many times. And now it's like it's all forgotten.
My goal today at IC is to hopefully figure out how to communicate what I need and figure out how I go forward. I'm going to have to let the checking phone records go. I did tell him I wouldn't do it anymore and I just haven't been able to let go of it. Like you said it makes me look weak and paranoid - not what I want!
At the end of the day, he's still with me. We have been making progress. Maybe I need to start focusing more on what is working and less on waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Keylogger on his computer, GPS-enabled cellphone in his trunk, or a voice-activated tape recorder under his front seat.
You would know soon enough.
He's sounding very ENTITLED again, which concerns me. A rising sense of entitlement is one of the signs of renewed contact with someone he has inappropriate feelings for.
Or it could just be he's an ass.
Sorry -- just thought I'd give you a little laugh today, M.
And you did give me a laugh. I think he's just an ass It's all about him. Playing the victim as usual. Not willing to go to IC and work on what he needs to work on. Lord give me strength!
Worked with my IC on Friday to do a better job of expressing my needs. Which at least I did express Friday night. Bottom line it's just all about him. He just has become an arrogant jerk!
He can't live life under a microscope. He's trying to fall back in love with me and this just pushes him away... blah, blah, blah!
Oh yeah - he admitted he didn't tell me about the phone call from her as a test to see if I was still checking the phone records. I told him continued contact with her and him not working on his short-temperedness were things that would keep me from falling back in love with him.
So I'm just GALing away. Kind of turned off by him right now. Sermon at church on Sunday was around 1 Corinthian 13:4-8. Love is patient...always trusts... There were things in it for both of us. So that's just what I'm going to do, keep praying for guidance and keep improving myself - just taking it one day at a time. Just focusing on what's in my control and letting go of what's not.
Happy Thanksgiving - I hope you and your family have an enjoyable holiday together.
I will Puppy. I'm very fortunate in addition to this online support community to have several very supportive friends.
I have to accept that he's still working through his own MLC right now and is just not going to be the person I know and love right now. I do get glimpses of that person every now and then which gives me a small dose of hope.
The arrogance/entitlement/victim playing is just really hard to take at times. However, in light of what some folks are going through on this site I count myself as very fortunate. At least my H is trying to make our marriage work - if only on his own terms right now.
Tried something new today and it seemed to work. In thinking about my H's behavior the past couple of days and a few comments he made - it became clear to me that something else is bothering him. He wasn't sleeping well which woke me up this morning. When I asked him what's wrong he said just worrying about money (his business). Told him I was praying for him.
So this morning when I got to work I called him and invited him to lunch. He checked his schedule and called me back to say he could go. We had a good lunch - he really opened up about the stress he's under. We talked about some of the issues I'm having with my parents. All-in-all a good conversation. He mentioned his struggle again about getting his business to the next level. I told him the one thing I can do to help is to do research into consultants etc. He seemed to really appreciate my support (one of his past complaints was about my lack of interest/involvement in this business).
Day two of not checking phone records. Trying to let that go and just move forward. I'll take every good day I can get.
By Thursday, I will have walked over 300 miles since March - down 30 lbs!
One thing men love to do, is talk about their jobs, especially when we're having particular success with it, or when we're particularly struggling with it. And when we ARE struggling with it, it affects our self-esteem tremendously.
Show me a man who's having work, financial and sexual problems, and I'll show you a man who's feeling pretty much 90-95% defeated. I find that women rarely understand the affect of even ONE OR TWO of those three things.
It's all about him. Playing the victim as usual. Not willing to go to IC and work on what he needs to work on. Lord give me strength!
