Kevin, I agree with you on the separation.Here in NY if you are LEGALLY separated for a year then the other party can go ahead with divorce with all the terms of sep.generally put into divorce.Well I have spoken to a couple attorneys in the last few months.My WAW had also spoken to one.I know from research that most couples do not get everything they want in a divorce.My wife seems to think that she will get everything she asks for.That is probably her attorney talking.I am most likely put in sep. agreement that we go to marriage counseling for a period of time during sep.A sep. agreement is supposed to be a combination of what both of the parties want.I will not give my W everything she wants without putting in something I want.Gotta give if you want to get.I hope she goes for this.If she doesn't she might be facing a very expensive divorce.I don't know if this is the right way to approach it but I am not going to stand down and take a beating either.I know the sep. buys time but everything in it is final.If her idea is to do it to satisfy me and still get everything she wants in the end then the whole time thing is really a waste of time.The time factor should allow me to DB not be taken in the end.
Last edited by Eye of the Tiger; 07/26/0905:21 PM.
Another Sunday almost over.Well W texted me today asking about sep.I was not confrontational about it but I didn't back down from what I want either.So far we are in agreement.I did tell her that a sep. was not just something I agreed to but is to her benefit also.I told her that it will allow her more time to think about things.No matter what happened in the end that at least she had some time.Right now it seems that she is still thinking D in the end but I think about that saying about believing only half of what they say.
How do I ever figure out the truth?I'm having a real bad day today.W called and said she some info about car.I gave her the info.I explained to her calmly that I said I wasn't going to fix car for her as long as she is seeing someone else.I told her I would recommend someone else to fix it for her.She said forget about it.I said fine.She says she has no problems being friends but would not ask me for anything ever again and at the same time tells me that she just wants me out of her life.I really don't know what to do anymore.The logical part of me knows that she is going to do what she wants so just go for the D and get what I am entitled to.The emotional side says that she isn't thinking all to straight here.I've told her that I would give her the time and space she needs.But she keeps pushing for something legal.Its driving me crazy.
I was reading another thread that asked if you could get your WAS to read a book would would it be.I noticed most of the books were about reconciling.I was just wondering if our WAS's are not interested in working things out why not get them to read a book on the more painful things in a divorce.I saw a few such books in a bookstore the other day and flipped thru them.They don't go into detail about fixing things so to speak but more about how divorce devastates a family and why you should try to avoid it if possible.
You aren't in a position to recommend she read any book right now, no matter the topic. Sorry.
I have a pretty smart friend/lawyer that told me (I am also in NY) that a separation agreement is an agreement of the two parties. If I was not in agreement then I need not agree to anything and should call him when I agree to the separation.
Of course, my sitch is somewhat different and my H has been different as well.
I know many on the DB board advise you go along, but at this point I am holding my own. I concentrate on me and H hasn't brought it up in quite a while. So, we are Separated without anything legal, just living apart.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Wifey, Wasn't going to have her read any book at present.Was just wondering because of the thread I mentioned.Anyway I've become sort of an expert in terms of the law here in NY.I know she can't make me sign a sep. agreement.When there is one drawn up I will make sure my atty. looks it over.Right now I am also separated with nothing legal.I am fine with that right now but W wants something legal.I can tell her forget it but that seems to make her more angry.But living in NY you also know that there needs to be grounds for a D.She has no grounds.I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.Oblivously i don't want to go for D now but I still have to protect myself.Looks like there is going to be some negotiating going on.
My attitude since day 1 has been that I won't stand in your way if you have to have it, but it is not my responsibility to make it fast, easy or cheap. Said with the nicest smile and in a calm, low tone. Staring straight in his eyes.
I also told him that he needed to tell me what he wanted to put into a separation agreement. No lie, he wanted to walk away, give me the house, and have me leave his paycheck and retirement untouched.
I smiled and said, ever so sweetly, do you really think that is what I will agree to?
Dear in the headlights look, no answer, dropped the subject, and no rush.
Nothing is stopped, of course, but nothing has gone forward.
That is of course unique to my sitch. Obviously would be different if he were bent on getting it done now and pushing.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
