SRTTF - I'll follow Portland Dad over. If I don't get to it tonight, I'll for sure get there in the am! I never have any real advice, but I can tell a joke or two, and give support!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Just caught up after the weekend. You're doing so great!
I think it's good that you don't confront her on the stuff she says to your D. I think you should let her keep doing it, because it isn't having the impact that she is after (getting your D on her "side"), and because it will keep you grounded in the reality of who she is right now (which will help you stay the DB course)!
Ugh, not a good start to my Monday. Woke up several times last night thinking about her. I don't understand why this is so hard not to think about. I kept replaying our conversation in my mind. She did ask what I was going to do next weekend when she takes my D out of town for her school choir trip. I'm supposed to go out Friday and shoot pool with someone from work--I didn't tell her that though. This has got to be the hardest time I will ever have in my life. I know there are a lot of people suffering here. I wish there was something I could say or do to erase all the pain that everyone is feeling. It is unimaginablly difficult to concentrate at times and I am finding myself very despondent right now and wishing I could just crawl into a hole.
Last edited by AFWAW; 04/27/0901:09 PM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
No time to feel sorry for yourself. You are too busy. Drop that self talk. You are perfectly fine. Life is good. I showed some backbone this weekend. Had a great time with my daughter... etc. etc....
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She just left. We got back from the movie and she asked if I would give her a call. So I did.
Mistake. You should have either not called her back or when she asked you to give her a call when you got back, you should have told her you didn't know what time you would be back and for HER TO CALL YOU.
Like this... I don't know what time we will be back so give me a call after ________ (9:00, 10:00 whatever.. just name a time)
Remember.. Either don't call back when she asks or turn it around and tell her that you are not sure when or if you can and then tell her what time she "can" call you back..
TOTAL difference. Confident. Secure. Firm. Nice. Short and sweet...
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She said oh, you're back already? I said yes, are you coming over?
Mistake
SEE? You called her too SOON. No mystery here. You should not have asked her if she was coming over. (weak) You should have not brought it up and waited for her to ASK YOU if she could come over. Then you could have told her,no, not tonight because "I"_________ (had a long day, was "just" this or "just that" or whatever.....
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Interesting, interesting, I did not pursue at all.
You still let her set the terms though. She got you to call her back and she got to come over when she wanted to come over. You would have made much more ground by refusing to let her come over. Just matter of fact. No big deal. Not mean. Not punitive. Too busy and too short notice. Already have other plans and things to do. Sorry, talk to you later. Gotta run. Call me sometime this week and we can work something out. Ta ta.
You are showing signs of coming around. Fine tune this up a bit more. Nothing to fear about getting some backbone and being a little more confident and independent.
Stay out of her relationship with the daughter. Let them work it out themselves. They are both playing you. Not good.
No time to feel sorry for yourself. You are too busy. Drop that self talk. You are perfectly fine. Life is good. I showed some backbone this weekend. Had a great time with my daughter... etc. etc....
I know you're right, it is difficult though. I am trying, really.
I see your point about the phone call as well. Argghhhh, I'm making this more difficult than it has to be it feels like.
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You still let her set the terms though. She got you to call her back and she got to come over when she wanted to come over. You would have made much more ground by refusing to let her come over. Just matter of fact. No big deal. Not mean. Not punitive. Too busy and too short notice. Already have other plans and things to do. Sorry, talk to you later. Gotta run. Call me sometime this week and we can work something out. Ta ta.
Ok, I see your point. I have to set my terms. You're right and I wanted to call her back and she probably knew it.
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Stay out of her relationship with the daughter. Let them work it out themselves. They are both playing you. Not good.
Ok, I'll work on this as well. It would probably give me a lot less stress if I did so.
Thanks gucci!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Found another mistake I made. I'm reading a book called how can I forgive you? I forgave the wife too quickly--technical term is "cheap forgiveness". According to the book, I should have contemplated more and taken my time. I wish I could redo the interation w/ my wife when she confessed. I know I can't change the past. I guess this is why everyone preaches on here to read self-help books. I know she feels better probably for having told me but how come I don't feel better even though I've forgiven her?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
