I don't know how I am going to react. I will be seeing H for the 1st time in 5 mths. I am getting butterflies just thinking about it and then my stomach starts to turn.
How do I react? Do I talk to him? Smile and wave?
I can honestly tell you that I know in my heart that I would want to run up and give him a huge hug just like we would do everytime we would see eachother when he was gone for even just a few days. I remember his smile would be just as big as mine.
I have gotten a new outfit that shows I have lost wieght. I am getting my hair and nails done and have been working on other things for awhile so that I look my very best on Mon.
What do I do if he wants to talk?
What do I do if he still wants nothing to do with me? (how do I not show how upset I still am)
How do I not show emotion and that I still do not want this?
Do I wear our wedding rings?
The court session is only for temp relieve spousal support. It has nothing to do with the D itself.
I need advise, please please help me!!!!!
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
What do you feel comfortable with? If it makes you feel good to wear your rings, wear them. It sounds like you will look like a million bucks, which will give you the confidence to walk in there head up and ready for anything.
Would you want to talk to him? Its hard to walk into any unknown situation where the emotions are high and your not sure what to expect. I'm sure you've played things out in your head and maybe get an idea of how you can react to certain things so depending on how things go you will be mentally prepared with an appropriate response.
I know I'm not very helpful, but its what I tend to do before I go into anything like that. If I play out the possibilities in my mind, then when I'm faced with them IRL I have a little bit of an idea of what to/not say/do to help/hurt me. Not saying it always goes that way, but it has often given me the extra 2 seconds I needed to refrain from saying/doing something that would only harm me in the end.
No matter what happens. Good luck and I'm praying for good things for you.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I have thought about every possiable reaction I think I could have. I thinks it's the not knowing that is driving me crazy. I am sure that he is expecting me to be an emotional wreck. I could see that if I am calm and don't show that emotion, it may get to him.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
I still wear my ring even though I am nearing the end of my D. I have been trying to decide whether or not I will wear it after. But I think I will make that decision at that time. I think you do wear your ring. You are still married right? It shows a sign of respect for marriage and loyalness and faithfulness to your vows and S.
As far as the rest of the questions... I'm sure your H knows you don't want this. Actually, 25yearsmic would be best to ask on this one since she is an attorney.
Don't grovel, thats for sure. Probably best to let him do the question asking and then you answer with politeness. Stand tall, but not cocky. Be nice and friendly, but not needy. Show respect for yourself. That is great that you are working on yourself. But remember like I am told all the time, do it for you. He will notice, but he may not saying anything. Don't be hurt if he doesn't acknowledge anything. He will notice. He may just have his own reasons for not saying anything. He might say something as well. I don't know.
Don't break down in front of him. Just act strong and calm and cool. Do the best you can. I know it won't be easy. Pray before you see him that God gives you the strength you need to handle the situation the best you can that day.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
What Kevin said is exactly right. Just hold yourself with strength, calm and grace and do the best you can.
S&S
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
How did court go? Give us an update. How did things play out for you and H?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Go figure. He didn't show. the judge was pissed. He called in instead and he got a letter saying that he could only do that if an agreement was reached which it wasn't. So we have court again on Fri. So now I am on pins and needles again until then. It is obvious to all of us that he has no idea what is going on. that leads me to believe that he is still drinking b/c he really is a very intelligant man. well at least the H i knew was.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
First I would like to say sorry for shouting in my last post. It is just very frustrating because I do take everything that is told to me but and when I really need help and see 9 responses. Of course they are from the once that have always been with me and I do really really thank you.
If you are looking at this for the first time you will probably need to look at my other threads to get an idea of what is going on.
Well let me tell you it was interesting. We were to have court on Monday morning @ 0930. Well everyone is there EXCEPT H. Apparently he wrote a letter to the court asking to just phone in. My lawyer said that the court DENIED the request unless there was an agreement that was made on how much support. Of course there wasn't. Lawyer said that they received a copy of the letter that was sent back to H with a big DENIED stamped on it. So, we are in court and he was e-mailing the court reporter earlier in the morning asking what time to call in. We are sitting in the court room at 0930 and the judge asked us if we made an agreement and that is why Rob wasn't there. Ummm NO! So now we are all waiting for him to call in. At 0950 he finally calls. Well, do you think the judge was pissed? Oh yea!
When he did finally get on the phone the judge asked if Rob agreed with the request and he said "Well ya all except the money". Judges response was, "OK then why are you not here sitting in front of me"? "What was it about my instructions didn't you understand"? "I'm not going to listen to anything until both parties are present". So we had a new court date this last Fri.
Since that time my lawyer asked me to provide proof that if H would have stayed in town that he would still be working for the RR. That was easy enough. So I got that info together and that was submitted as an addition to the petition.
My lawyer calls me on Thurs night to let me know that she won't be there in the morning because of a trial that was going into the next day. (damn it) So the owner of the law firm is going to fill in for her, ok sure. We get to the court house and I see his car. First thing I noticed was that he still has MN plates on it, which leads me to believe that he still has a MN Lic and probably no insurance. Get inside and I see him.
I don't think he looks good at all. I noticed he is much more slumped over. His eyes were very blood shot and he looked WEATHERED. He wouldn't make eye contact with me AT ALL! When I got there I did look at him and smiled and said hi. He gave me a 1/2 smile and said hi. Once in court he kind of put his foot in his mouth several times.
First the judge reminded him that if he is going to go about this without a lawyer that he has got to follow the rules and no one can help him do that. He mentioned that the statement that he sent the court was not copied to my lawyer and that it was not signed by a notary. The lawyer made his statement regarding what I was asking for and why. Then it was Rob's turn to make his statement.
He said that the bills were passed due when he left (I'm thinking, so you left and you knew things were already behind, which they weren't, it was only one bill that was. he didn't know, I'm the one that did the bills). That he has been working another job until he gets called back to the RR and he tried to say that he wouldn't be working now but we proved that one wrong. Then the judge asked if he has been paying his child support. He said that just recently he was able to send some money in. The judge asked him why he hasn't paid until now. He said he was waiting until his checks get garnished. HELLO!!!!!! OK so you can't pay on your own you have to wait for someone else to do it. The judge then pretty much didn't want to hear anymore and just said that he would have his answer next week.
Once we walked out I passed him and I looked in his eyes and said "If you want to talk we can", he said "Talk about what, my grandmas sewing machine". I didn't say anything else and just walked away.
I just don't understand how alcohol can change someone into that and make them so cold.
My lawyer did say that since he is able to keep a position here and that the judge knows that, that he could make him come back.
Well I will give you updates when there is any.
Any advise on why and what to do about my heart breaking all over again would be great. He looks so bad. I could tell he isn't healthy and that really scares me. I'm a nurse and I know his health history and that makes it even worse.
I do have a package of pictures for him and I wash't sure if I should put a letter in or not?
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
