Jack you must have me confused with someone else. I NEVER said anything about my work offering several visits to a c. I work for walmart and they sure dont offer any visits.
And will you reply to the other part of my response. You keep saying I want to see and talk to my xh. I HAVENT IN A MONTH. I read here and some people think a week is a long time to go without contact. I am into a MONTH. AND when I say NO CONTACT. I mean NO EMAIL, NO TEXTING, NOTHING. How can you go dark while texing and emailing someone. Alot of people here do that.
Hi Renee,I have noticed Jack does not sugar coat anything in here about situations.Saying he things we want to hear...when I first started in here I watched his responses and they were always to the point.Sometimes I would think ....he is so mean...but you know what... he knows his stuff.There are sooo many people in here who give us a 2x4's but not because they want to ... to me it's a smack you in the face to reality....and that it is also for our own good.....
I was you not too long ago....but the more I read in here the better and stronger I have become....and I give God all the glory..... and also the wise people in here....get your eyes off of him and you probably have ... I know I have not been in here for very long...MLC since Oct.07 and fighting it the whole time,crying,begging since about a yr ago.Now I dont want to even hear his voice, doesnt mean I dont love him but for now I like it this way... pull myself from the drama..I guess because he is still w O/W. Still pray for him everyday.I dont bad mouth him at all. all I wanted to let you know that it DOES GET BETTER....I promise. Jack,Snodderly,Brandnewday, Yellowrose, MWG and so many others in here all they want is to help us that's all... and again my apologies to some of you in here you know who you are.... Hang in there.....good to have friends who know what we are going thru....vaya con dios
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
P.S Oh yea, I still have NOT found a counsleor, but I do have a number to call, from the place I work. They are suppose to be able to help their employees that have something bad happen. I will try to call maybe tonight or tomorrow night. TTYL!
CAAT Part 4.
No...not confused.
How did that go?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
The other day I asked you if you were raising your nephew and you said yes. The reason I asked was because you do have something to keep you busy. Throw your energy into that little boy.
This will help both of you. I'm sure he needs you more than ever and it will help you also. Once you are busy with him you won't have time to even think about your xh. Until you can get him out of your mind, you won't be able to move forward. Even though you have had no contact, you are still dwelling on him and it is not good. When you can go a day and then 2 days without even thinking about him then you are doing good. It can be done, I have done it.
If you asked me 4 years ago if I would have ever turned my back on my stbx I would have told you no. 3 years ago, same thing....no. 2 years ago I was beginning to see he was not coming home. MLC had turned him into a man I didn't want back home. It was about 9 months ago that I decided enough was enough. I called him up and we had a long talk and I decided to file. Now I sit and wait as patient as I can for the final papers to be signed. I am ready for this.
What I am trying to say is it takes each person different amounts of time to adjust to things. No one can really say how long you should or shouldn't wait. Since you are already divorced your situation is different. You didn't have that chance to adjust before the divorce was filed. You didn't get that transition phase as some of us get. It is hard but you have to accept the facts.
As Jack and everyone else have told you, work on you first and foremost. You need to get yourself strong for your nephew also. He has a long road ahead of him and he needs someone that is strong to help him through.
You have asked about dating. I suggest you find yourself before you start dating. If you go out there thinking you will find someone to take your mind off your xh you are wrong. Until you have detached from him, you will not enjoy yourself and you will also be dragging an innocent man into the picture. A rebound romance is not what you need right now. It will just confuse you even more. I did this and found it not that easy. When I was out just as friends with guys I would always measure them up to my stbx. Or sometimes I would think of what it would be like to have stbx there with me. I'm sure the other guys could tell I was not fully there. I would get sad and it put a damper on the evening. Find yourself again before you do this.
There is life after divorce. It took me some time to find myself again with the help of quite a few people on here and now I am happy again. I don't think of stbx that often anymore. Yes, I do still sometimes but after 20 years of being with him it is hard not to. I just don't dwell on it. I think about some nice times we have had and then I move on.
I guess what I am really trying to say is to let go of the pain and work on healing yourself.
T2SP I just realized I am NOT no where over my xh. I really and truly thought I was getting better, and I am NOT. I was lying to myself and others. I dont have any contact with him but like you said, I am still dwelling on him. He just pulled in my driveway and let my son out and pulled out like a race care driver. He told my son not to aggraviate me. Son came in and told me about is fishing trip and told me his dad wanted to come home because he missed ow. He also said they are getting married in Aug. I just said ok. When son went upstairs, I broke down. This is where I realized I am not over him and dont know if I ever will be. I need help. I dont think as of right now how much longer I can continue to hide my feelings, I am hurting and all I want to do is sleep. I also think my time is up here in MLC. Jack says everyone is getting tired of helping me because I want help myself, but honestly other than a counselor I dont know how to find myself or help myself. I have sit and thought, what do I want to do? What do I like to do? And I cant think of nothing I want to do with my time. I dont know of anything. Some say make a list of things you always wanted to do. Well there is nothing. Is this normal? Why dont I have things I would like to do? All I can think about is the things I liked to do was with my h. I looked forward to talking about his fishing trips and his stories. My life was him and I have lost it. I have went dark to try and help myself and also to let him see life without NO CONTACT from me. It's been one month and he could care less, he is in love and she love him. They seem SOOOO HAPPYYYYY and I am jealous of what she has with him. Being dark hasnt done anything for me other than make me miss him even more. He is so afraid of losing her that he doesnt even have my phone number stored in his phone. My son couldnt call me because he couldnt remember my new number. I asked him why he didnt get it from dad and he said dad didnt know either. Dad was in a hurry to get home to his soon to be wife. They have been dating for around 2 or 3 months and apparently its true love so I am just a memory if that. I truly dont think xh will ever be back, whether its MLC or not. He met me and asked me to marry him in about 4 months later and it lasted 20 years. So why wouldnt this marriage last?
Anyway thanks to everyone that has tried to help me. Jack, I remember posting that, but they do NOT over free counseling sessions. They will however talk to you over the phone. I dont even know if its truly counseling. BND, yep I am still SPINNING you are right and I dont know if it will ever end. I am sorry to disappoint everyone here. 7 months is just not enough time to adjust to ***a death of your mother*** ***Losing your Husband and lifetime partner of 20 years*** ***Trying to save your home ***OW moving in with xh*** ***H marrying OW*** ***Fighting with everything in me to support my 2 boys***
lewis-- Can you go to the doc and talk about your depression, I know many people post about needing to get on some depression meds during this time....and they said they helped so much
you are having a hard time, remember one day at a time, one hour at a time, try to think of anything but your H and focus on you and your boys....trust that God has good thinkgs planned for your life and your life is not about your H, you did not choose this, but it is what it is until its something different. Your H is in the new part of a new relationship...he is not in relaity...the fantasy girl is so much different than the reality girl...hang tight do the hard work
Grace thank you. I am on Paxil and have been awhile but my doctor just up my dose. (I ony took 20 mg). I hope this helps. I am not a pill kinda person. I am going to church tonight and pray and I am blessed with a good service.
Yes xh's relationship is new but honestly when does new become reality? Off to take a nap before church.
Hugs to Everyone Here and I pray for all of you.
Renee
P.S. I would move over to Divorced but no one ever seems to post over there, that is why I am still in MLC. But honestly not many here are divorced or divorced and remarried so I dont know if I am in the right place. I am trying to DB and it too late for that. I am trying to stand for a marriage that is already gone.
Let me think about your response to my post and I will get back with you. I have to do a couple of things here at work before 5 and I want to think about how I want to word some things.
