Praying and Living

[LanceSijan]

No words of love, but all the other signs of it. I am expecting it to take about 1 year.

You are doing great!
Just a word of caution as from the sounds of what you describe he is still in withdrawal.
No expectations! (See above) it will take the amount of time it takes, you may still see some weird things, before you get those words ILY. Keep us posted. Not to many people post the end part of MLC.

[Albuquerque]

Not to many people post the end part of MLC.

I agree with this totally. It's great to see what happens in the cases where the S comes out of the fog. It's an inspiration and a great "learning tool". Thanks so much for your continued posts!

[goodattitudegirl]

Holly,

Thanks for coming back and updating. Your words of wisdom give all of us insight and hope.

Wishing you continued success!

GAG

[Was2sad]

Holly
Always great to see such hopeful updates from your life.
Continue to be blessed,

[ANewMe]

Holly,

I have not been on here for so long. I am so happy to read about you and TJ. I am sorry to hear of the passing your MIL. I have been praying for you for months. It thrills me to know that you and TJ will someday be a success story.

God's blessings to you and your family.

[cagzmom]

thank you holly.

love how you shared -- no pressure to those of us who's x's are still in the throws. funny - slip there i mean xhusbands.

watched you through this .. you encouraged me early on.. and today encourage me still.

[Holly06]

Thank you all for the kind words. I still lurk here, and would post if my perspective was different or helpful, but as always,this forum evolves to allowing and encouraging newbies to become the learned veterans..... It really is nice from my viewpoint to see people growing and surviving something we thought might destroy us.

TJ and I continue to do well. We see each other every 3 weeks. This is great as we still need time to grow together, and slowly forge whatever future we choose. This is not a done deal, I have to keep reminding myself.
I am most proud of how I am keeping myself. I have kept the changes going, and they are safely me. This is a big accomplishment.
I seem to attract friendships that are a bit needy. I guess they are paybacks for how needy I was when this all started.
I wonder how much my measure of success influences others. I wonder if it is fairto encourage the same path I have chosen. I have a friend who I am helping with his sitch, and it does seem like his X is showing interst, and he is so hoping his situation will mirror my timeline. It is a responsibility and I hope he will be successful in putting his R with his X together again...

I always do a lot of reading, and I have this to offer, the bottoming out that we all look for can be expected when the MLCer discovers that the considerable pain of recovery is FINALLY less than the pain of continuing the addiction/lifestyle/ MLC.......

And they don't share this revelation to us. They just begin the work. And the pain of depression that they have been holding back comes over them like a tidal wave, and they have to struggle to survive it. And most likely this will be done in private.
I believe then they reconstuct themselves. Privately. Not letting anyone in on the secret of their journey. I am sure the considerable pain is sometimes too much, and they bounce back to replay.
That is why leaving them alone is so important.

When they are in replay, we know it. We hate it, but learn to live with it. When they move on, we wonder where they are. Not too many hints, and boy do we speculate, with anyone that will listen. Leave them alone. They have work to do.

I can't tell you where TJ is. I can tell you where he has been. I think he is through replay, and I guess he is through lots of depression, withdrawl and acceptance. Bits and pieces of all. More done than left to do.????? I do not see any steps backwards. I wonder whats up w that?
But you never know. They can not put words to it.

TJ and I are planning the future. I am surprised when he lays the foundation for months ahead. We have had solid Thanksgiving plans for months now. Not too much said about Christmas yet, but I think that is because we take it for granted that we will be together. He ask me if I want to do joint gifts for the kids this year. What a statement.

I text him last week that he has spoiled any other man for me. He is my definition of a man.
I intended that to be an one way message to him. I was happy I said it and went on w my day.
about 20 min later, he responed
nice to hear. I feel the same way towards you.

At that point I had to get some comic relief in: Yikes! I remind you of a man? I need a spa!!!!

So for what it is worth, we are doing great and I have high hopes that it will continue to be so. If this encourages anyone, ok.
But if the considerable pain of continuing your course of waiting seems to exceed the pain of moving on,
then do so. You will know. I always gave myself that option, and when I did chose to move on the pain was just too much, and I had to remain hopeful. That was easier for me. A choice wrought with disaster, and somehow, to this point, the odds are in our favor.
I promise to never take that for granted. In honor of all you find folks here.

Bless you all.

[irishblessings]

Holly -

Thanks for your post. I really needed it! I'm at home - alone - glass of wine - watching It's Complicated - and crying. Pretty pathetic!

I'm doing good through the week and typically Friday nights - but if I don't plan something for Saturday night then it gets tough. Thing is I don't want to have to have things planned - I need to rest. I'm typically exhausted by the end of the week.

Bottom line - I miss H. I miss touching his face and being in his arms. I miss his "old voice" - kind, deep, warm. His voice is completely different now.

But through it all - I am still ok!

Thanks for letting me vent - I appreciate your sharing where you are - it truly helps!

IB

[Holly06]

I get that!

[courageous wife]

Thankyou so much for updating again Holly!
So happy for you! Can't wait for the next update!