H still hiding A

[karen43]

So how long does this "infatuation" stage last and what comes after that? This is not mature love at all!!

They are so much in their own little world. Why can't they see what they are doing is affecting everyone around them!

I think they mostly just care and focus on themselves at that stage.

Re: how long it lasts I've usually read others post about 6 months to 2 years. I think that's the average. My H was exactly like that, barely seeing the kids for about 18 months and now the last 6 months has been putting more of an effort into it. At one point he would make plans with D9 (who was I think 8 then) and cancel, one time 2 weekends in a row on her, when OW called and wanted him to do something with her. He doesn't seem to be doing that anymore at least!!! I do have to say that once or twice this past month or so, he was acting more like the old H, pre-A, kind of more normal and less angry and distant. I can't explain that exactly, but maybe he will get a little less foggy soon, I hope!!! Karen

[Beans]

So true they are just focusing on themselves right now!

H is coming over tonight so we can make up a schedule of when he has the kids.

I'm also gonna try to talk to him about his time with the kids is their time not OW's time also! I can do this!
Wish me luck!

[kat727]

I have to wish you luck on that. My ex says you have no right to dictate what I can and can not do in my personal life. True, but I do have a vested interest in my children's lives. My stance is that this is the person that actively worked on destroying our marriage and you want to make like happy family with her and the kids???

It is a recipe to destroy the relationship that he has with our kids. He says this is me talking and not the kids. Recently the kids gave him an earful and he was none too pleased. Seems they have minds of their own afterall.

kat

[Beans]

Ok, so the talk with H went well Friday night. I told him the kids want their time with him to be just their time not with OW also. He nodded ok, no argument nothing. So I thought everything went good. He mentioned that he wasn't sure how long he could keep giving me money for the house payment as he has too many bills of his own. Whatever, it was his decision to move out. He signed a year lease!

My D-14 told me that he got mad at her Friday night after he picked her up. He said "I was going to bring you, your brother, and OW and OW's S-10 to a movie Saturday, now I'm gonna have to cancel my plans"
My D said "not don't cancel your plans dad, that is fine I just don't want you to ignore me when you are with her". Ahg, she said she is afraid he will get angry at her and he won't want to spend time with her.

He also brought them all out to dinner after the movie. (he paid)
so he doesn't have enough money for the house payment because he wants to have some more spending money! D-14 told me that dad told her not to tell.

I called H and was not nice, I know I shouldn't of but I told him he was direspecful and selfish and I hung up on him. after the phone call he texted D all he said was "thanks". then he called her and she said "I told you the truth dad I don't care if we spend time with her" Now what?

I told my D that I'm not mad at her. I'm upset that dad put her in that position. He shouldn't of done something that she wasn't suppose to tell me. He's putting her in the middle.

Now this morning he texted me, have u calmed down?
I'm not going to respond to him until I have calmed down, I am still steamed at him. I'm not sure how to approach him!
Suggestions?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Beans,

See what I posted to you on April 1st. He CANNOT put your daughter in the middle of your adult issues, and you need to let him know NOW that this won't be tolerated, and that you're noting each time he does it. Something along the lines of "I will NOT allow our children to be pawns in whatever chess game it is you decided we're playing right now -- this is YOUR mess, and you are NOT to put her in the middle of it. Any part of that you don't understand??"

And mean it.

Puppy

[Beans]

Thanks again puppy.

You are right I need to let him know now. Hopefully I can find the strength to do this tonight!

[Beans]

So hear it is.
I decided to write H a letter instead of talking to him. And I will use your suggestions Puppy. Everytime I talk to him, he turns things around and I am unable to think on the fly like that. I tend to shut down. So I figured a letter would be better.

I was doing the checkbook Mon. and noticed that our taxes came back. I texted him are we still gonna split that money? That was our originally agreement, he wanted to buy a couch with his money. He texted back: maybe we should put that money towards a lawyer. I texted Ok, I will earmark that lawyer money.(even though it will only pay the retainer fee for one of us!) He has no clue how much this is going to cost! Money we don't have!
He texted: Do you want me to find a us a lawyer? I didn't respond to that! then he texted 20 min later. Do you want me to find one? A couple hours later I texted him: Whatever you need to do. Then I contacted one myself. I have had my consultation and really liked him.

This is going way too fast! Is there anything else I could/should be doing. It feels like I'm not doing enough to prevent this from happening. It feels like this is sitch is picking up speed, faster and faster towards the end. We don't even talk anymore, I have been dark is seems like a very long time, about 6 weeks. And he has contacted me less and less. Now only about kids and D. Is this how it is suppose to be?