It just happened that I started reading your thread and getting to your last post, WOW, what great news!!!
Good for you guys, good for your kids too... I was talking to my C the other day and told her I am worried how can a M survive with all the baggage from the S, PA/EA etc etc. She said, if you really want to reconcile, you leave the baggage behind, there is no other way...
It will be hard. But there many people on here that have done it. And I have read that there are a couple of books avialable that will help you get over the PA. Good Luck!! K
I know that over time we will be happier than we were before the PA. Even right now, we are acting like we just started dating. Overall, I do pretty well, I just have these moments when I get a visual and a shiver.
My friend gave me a great visual for dealing with baggage. Her H had an A years ago, and they talked about building a fence. The baggage of the past stayed on one side of the fence and wasn't allowed over the top. That helped her to live on the new side of the fence, where everything is fresh, new and can be rebuilt. I thought that was a great idea and have been trying to use that visual.
We are going out of town with my H's family this weekend. I'm so looking forward to this. A pool, jacuzzi, wine and friends, who could ask for more.
I'm wondering if I should move my thread to piecing. I know that I'm still going to need support for the next time while we are moving forward.
Today has been a really rough day. I opened up my laptop to check my own email, and H's facebook and email accounts were open. I was looking and found seeral e-mails from OW to H. They are all about how he promised her a family and a future, how much she loves him, etc. I found a draft that H did this morning that was angry, but he didn't send it. I also found that as little as 2 weeks ago he was writing her that he loved her. It is so hurtful to read this.
H says and acts to me that we are going to stay together and move forward. Our physical R is better and better, he says ILY many times a day. Both of us are showing appreciation to each other and doing small things for each other everyday. We are redecorating the house to allow for a family TV room and a kids play room. H tells me that he is so happy that we are a family.
How am I supposed to react to this. I don't want to say anything about finding these, because I don't want to snoop. I told H when he asked to come home that I would need to see his phone and e-mail to assure myself that everything was ok, but I have not asked for any of that. Should I? A big part of me just thinks I need to continue working on myself and allow that rest to fall in place.
I'm so scared that I am going to screw this up. H is home right now, and that is where I want him to stay. At the same time, I will not be a doormat who allows my H to run around behind my back.
Today has been a really rough day. I opened up my laptop to check my own email, and H's facebook and email accounts were open. I was looking and found seeral e-mails from OW to H. They are all about how he promised her a family and a future, how much she loves him, etc. I found a draft that H did this morning that was angry, but he didn't send it. I also found that as little as 2 weeks ago he was writing her that he loved her. It is so hurtful to read this.
H says and acts to me that we are going to stay together and move forward. Our physical R is better and better, he says ILY many times a day. Both of us are showing appreciation to each other and doing small things for each other everyday. We are redecorating the house to allow for a family TV room and a kids play room. H tells me that he is so happy that we are a family.
How am I supposed to react to this. I don't want to say anything about finding these, because I don't want to snoop. I told H when he asked to come home that I would need to see his phone and e-mail to assure myself that everything was ok, but I have not asked for any of that. Should I? A big part of me just thinks I need to continue working on myself and allow that rest to fall in place.
I'm so scared that I am going to screw this up. H is home right now, and that is where I want him to stay. At the same time, I will not be a doormat who allows my H to run around behind my back.
Hi, I was just reading your thread, and your situation sounds somewhat like mine. I do not know that my h has an OW, but I do suspect it because his behavior is so erratic. If you read my thread, you will see what I mean. You and your h age are the same as mine and my h. Good luck!
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
{{{Son}}}} Ugh my friend THAT is rough and so bizarre when something smacks you in the face, cause you were NOT snooping if he left it on and didn't close it down..
It's a really tough call from this end because we are not living your day to day. On the one hand, you could certainly tell him the truth that you opened up your laptop and there it was and you 2 did talk about looking at phone and email, so you didn't go looking, but there it is?! OR you could ignore it, watch and see and take more of his interactions with you as what he really feels??
It's such a tough choice, but I guess it boils down to, WHICH option can you live with?! Can you live with letting it go now that you've seen it or can you not move forward without at least talking about it, not in a mad way but in a "help me understand about this" kind of way??
Either way big hugs coming your direction {{{{{{Son}}}}}}! Let us know what you do and how it goes, k?
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Again, I came home from work and found H's hotmail account open with another letter from OW. This one was mad at him for not responding to first letter (that made me very happy). H didn't email back, but had a draft letter that was angry and very much stated that he was home with his wife and kids. He didn't exactly paint a picture of "seeing the light" like I would like, but H has neer been someone who is open and honest. He never wants to hurt anyone, and I think that is part of what's going on.
The ML now is the best ever, and H tells me often how happpy he is that he's home and has no regrets about making that decision. I asked him today if he is still talking to her and he downplayed it, but basically told me a much milder version of what I had already read.
IDK, I think for now I am going to watch and not react. That would be a 180 for me. The former me would react and then have to deal with the consequences. I am still working on GAL, because that has always been my weak place. Still training for the 1/2 marathon, weight loss is stalled but I'm not giving up.
Overall, I am so happy to have my H home, the kids are happy, and we are really getting along well. I think I just need to relax and allow everything to work itself out.
I think your right Tawnya. I'm almost wondering the same thing. At the same time, H has never really been very careful with his accounts.
well life at home is coming along. The new decorations are almost done, and I love it. The kids have their playroom downstairs, and the parents have a great theater upstairs. My garage is so full of crap that we have been accumulating for years that we now need to get rid of.
Ironically, OW texted H yesterday to say that she may be getting back together with her H. H showed me the TM. How crazy is that. Makes me wonder how long things were really going on between them, but I don't really want to know the answer.
I find myself working daily to let go of the past. Both the thoughts of the A and the things that I have done to contribute to the downfall of our M. I know I have forgiven H, I just need to forgive myself. Isn't that weird. It's easier for me for forgive H, but so hard to let go of my part. Why is that? The guilt is overwhelming sometimes.
For now, I am taking everything one day at a time. I'm enjoying the time that I have with my family and MY h. I am working everyday to be stronger, happier, and closer with God.
{{{Son}}} Sounds like things are moving in a good direction and you sound GOOD..I'm so glad
As far as the forgiving yourself, I guess because WE know ourselves better than anyone..I mean you could make up excuses as to why someone did something else, but you KNOW your ulterior motives and excuses..
But..you NEED to forgive yourself..and give yourself a break..you are doing an amazingly fantastic job of moving forward, all the while examining yourself to see what you wouldn't do again and how not to end up back in this same spot!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
THAT is rough and so bizarre when something smacks you in the face, cause you were NOT snooping if he left it on and didn't close it down..