W left petition papers for me this morning (as apposed to having me served which I thanked her for). The D train is back on track! She asked me late last night if I wanted them then, and I told her the morning would be better. I fought the urge to start talking to her (reflecting) about the whole sitch last night while we were laying in bed.
I called my L for her to review, but she is out of the office today through the 25th. W was not too pleased but I told her I didn't want to drag this out for her, but didn't want to quickly sign off on this without my L looking at. Besides, there were a couple of things in there that even I thought were questionable.
We talked a couple of times on the topic today and realized that we need to start discussing the split of things and to refi the house. Agreed that we need to start making time for these talks.
On a strange note, we even talked about Spring Break and whether we wanted to take the kids to Florida to visit parents (both sides) as we've done for years. We agreed, for now, that it might be a good idea for a get-away before we talk to the kids. And also to show them that we still get along with each other. She did say she was concerned on how I would take it. I told her that there was not a chance that I would think a trip with the kids, at this point, would serve to re-kindle anything between us (and I wasn't just saying that for her).
Had a nice day yesterday, even though to could've been much worse. We made our mediator appointment for next week and decided to meet for lunch to go over the worksheets that they sent us. For privacy, we met in a parking lot in her car. It started weird, but went through child care share options and then financial and household items. Took almost two hours.
Mood of the convo was tense at first, but we tried to make light of some things. During the child care talk, we both made it clear that we were going to work hard to make sure they had as normal of a life and adjustment as possible. We also both emphasized a spirit of fairness that we wanted to exhibit during this process.
After the details were gone through, there were some touchy-feely things we talked about - how hard this is, what happened, but how we both hoped that we could keep and possibly grow a new and deep friendship in the face of this adversity. Some tears flowed and a couple of hugs.
That night we didn't talk anymore on it, but I did move close to her in bed. She was receptive, but worried that ML might be too much for me as she didn't want to hurt me anymore. I said it wouldn't and she asked was I saying that just cause I wanted sex? I said no, but I did want sex. We both laughed. We ML and it was great. It gave me no hope for any reconcilliation, but it felt great and we both enjoyed ourselves. Might be the last time as once the papers are signed and filed be can't touch each other for 60 days, but the D date in court.
I think we both saw each other in a new light yesterday - the beginning of the end? But, it was ok.
Things seem the same - only different now. Took W's D petition to my L, who made a response so now I can sign and my L will file with the court. Then we have a min. of 60 days. We agreed on a mediator, but have not yet had our first appointment. We've had a couple of stressful arguments/discussions on the stuff negotiations, but have tabled some of it for now.
Then there's spring break for the kids next week and we decided to go visit the parents in Florida. My sponsor(friend) thinks its so weird, but she hasn't lived the limbo thing like so many of us here. I asked the W if she wanted to take the kids without me and she said she wouldn't want to deny me of a vacation with the kids - which I appreciate.
Think I may be arriving in a dangerous place - losing interest in this board, and all hopes of the D avoidance miracle. I will have joy and happiness in my life and give much to myself and kids. I also realize I need to find true forgiveness for my W and grow a different kind of love for her.
Had our first mediation appointment last week. Went longer than we expected and seemed like we just "talked" about things (kids), without any huge decisions made. Went for 2.5 hours. Brought up some financial things near the end, which did not go well at all.
Wondered if that session would have a bearing on our trip to Florida, but we went anyway. No discussion on those items since then. Mood is distracted or detached for both of us. Went for the kids and are having some fun.
Need to get back into the negotiations when off of vacation. Things are not good between us right now. She just wants out and I think I do to. Would take her back in a second if she wanted to do work, or recommit to the M. Praying less on her coming back and more on my happiness and find joy in my life.
