I have a desire to contact EX....I have seen him once since the D 2006 and he didn't see me. we were on the road..he lives 10 minutes away, he was with his girlfriend in the car. I have not spoken to him for 8 months. When we were in the final month of D I said that I did not want to ever see him or talk to him again in my life...(I was preDBing but, in my own way, I really was now that I look back....I had NC unless D proceedings) I establish NC for myself to get over him and what he did and what he was doing. Since then if he contacts me it's thru the children I do not like his method of contact and have told him and the children have told not to do it this way.I saw him during the holidays on the road and since then I have wanted to contact him. I would like to know where he is in his life and if we can be friends and civil towards one another in order to have some sort of a relationship. We spoke 8 months ago and it turned ugly...he does not comprehend that I have changed and I will not put up with him always getting his way. I beleive he has come thru the tunnel. He has had more contact with children then in the past...plus talking to youngest son about Christmas with his father I could tell by the gifts he was out of tunnel. He was very generous when in the most recent years he has not been in contact about Christmas and just giving money without shopping for gifts for the children. My children are 32,27,24.)
In my past posts I have really been angry and full of hate towards him and since November have been working on forgiveness for myself and the D. I work with a really great C after so many failed and am still on medications for depression and ADD. I also have a great psychatrist since the year of the bomb. I have worked really hard to get where I am today, I am stronger than I ever was in the marriage,very independent and self confident about myself and I have high self esteem for myself. I respect myself and how I live and the decsions that I make...I respect myself more than I ever did. It has taken almost 4 years to get here and now that I am here I would never allow the past Itsy to ever resurface again... she is long gone. A MLC /WAS changes you...I know.
I found letters that Ex had given me when MLC was going on that I forgot I had...and they all make sense beleive it or not about what was wrong with Marriage and what we needed and I needed to do in order for M to last.... now I am able to read them and understand what he was saying and what he wanted for us together... I contributed to the demise of my marriage, as did he, I see what I did and since have changed. I changed on my own without remembering the letters those parts of me without doing it for him. I have done a 180 of myself that was something I did for me..the last two things to accomplish for me are to get in shape not neccasary lose weight and to stop smoking...The hard ones... But in reading the letters he wanted to date me in order to fall back in love with me. He asked for a photo album of pictures from me to look at and remember me...that was 2004...now I fully understand the words that he wrote and what he was trying to tell me about us and what he was going thru..and why he wanted to date me..He told my mom that he would always love me...Not in love just love me do I beleive that? I am very happy in my life, I have my work and new friends and family. My children and family, friends no longer see a depressed, insecure person that was crazy from 2004-2007...it really tore me up..But in essence I have my chit together.... I really have done some 180's for me.
Our daughter is coming home from the west coast this week and will be seeing her father.I am glad now that the children did not pick parents to side with but I want to have a relationship with the ex. Would it be too forward to ask daughter to tell ex I said hello and hope that all is well? I would like to contact him but do not know how if not. just picking up phone and calling him. I would like to have 3 children over for dinner Fri night together would it be okay to ask ex to join us in my new place? That may be too much...How do I initate contact? I know I want to contact him but not sure how to... Or do I stand with MLC issues that they will contact you? He has a girlfreind she doesn;t mean a thing to me and never has...but since I said I never wanted to talk to him he probably will always feel that way without me changing it. I know I want to contact him do I recieve 2x4's from ya'll or ideas on how to initate contact...I want too see where he is,or do you wait fro them to make contact...even tho I said I didn't wnat to tlk to him Please give opinions and advise I'm in need of some help THanks, ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, If you want to invite him over when your family is all there, you do the inviting. Pick up the phone or email him and just tell him that your daughter is coming in from out of town and you are planning to have all of your children over for dinner and you thought you would extend an invitation to him to have dinner with the family. Do not put your children in the middle. You mentioned that you didn't want him to use the children as a go between for his messages to you, therefore, you need to do the same....leave the children out of it. Go straight to him w/the invitation.
Of course, you do understand, that this could either be an acceptance of the invitation or not. Just extend the invitation and then allow him to make up his own mind. No expectations.
I would think on this a bit more as he turned ugly on you just 8 months ago. He's not fully out the tunnel yet. He may be giving gifts out that you would normally expect from him as a pre-crisis man, but he's still got a ways to go. BTW, if they are ready to reconnect w/the spouse, they will find a way to do so. Time will tell in the case of your xh.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I appreciate your wise wisdom... I thought of the fact that I would put daughter in middle but dinner idea okay for me... thanks how have you been...you got me thru some rough times.. thanks for stopping by... ITSY
Last edited by itsy; 01/18/0909:23 PM.
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, If you truly want to extend the invitation, try doing it yourself. It would show him just how far you've come. Remember....actions speak louder than words. If he opts not to attend, at least you will know that you put forth the effort for the family and not just you.
I'm doing very well. Thanks for asking. Yes, you had a very rough time, but you are doing so much better now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I need to gather the 3 children for the dinner first and that can be as bad as herding cats....heigh ho thanks for responding...ps i work near St marys' county in Huntington ...think about you often and how much you really helped me... In the end i am so much better after all.. ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
I'm sure you'll get all three of them together. It's difficult when they are grown and have their own agendas, but it'll be a nice visit and I'm sure they'll enjoy "mom's" home cooking!
See, in the end, no matter how hard we fight it, it does turn out much better. We learn that we can make it on our own and we begin to see the world through much clearer eyes. While married, we tended to focus on our h's, family and the relationship and forget that we still need to be nurtured as well. You'll see, as you continue the walk, that there is a whole new and exciting world out there. Just imagine, when you smile and stay positive, the number of people who notice and begin to chat you up.
Now, go make your phone alls and invite the kids over. They will need as much notice as possible, as Friday isn't that far off and you want absolutely no excuses as to why they can't come over.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
made the calls, waiting for call backs but one is in Mexico
I hoave learned so much about me and other people..I fought but then gave up because it was so painful but in the end I am much better off on my own..My C says that I am the most independent woman that he has come across in his practice...I have moved along fighting and then accepting and that it makes me feel that it has made all the differnece, plus just moving myself I have learned so much about myself..Still work hard on getting a life, big steps there ITSY... always relayed on ex for a life now I have myself and it feels great...I have finally realized in my life that I don't need anyone else to make me happy and that i do a great job of that all by myself..It's great talking to you ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
what do ya'll think of mine never living with ow...He just dates her as I suspect that he dates others too so maybe ansewered own question... ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Itsy, It makes me think that he doesn't want to be tied down and wants to date many w/no strings attached. I wouldn't put too much stock in what he's doing w/his ow. Keep looking ahead.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
dear Snodderly I just realised that so many live with OW...it must be extremely painful to know that....
Mine does not want to ever get married again and I beleive that oW will tire of that this year... He rather not be tied down as you say he likes too many dates!!I keep on moving just a soliatry day with questions that have been in the forefront lately...read where a friend of yours has been doing this as long as you have wow...How is your EX? any contact since BIL death? ITSY
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
