I got a text from the OW out of the blue today. Yesterday H e-mailed me saying he still doesn't have any money cuz he has to make a car pymt 1st. I e-mail back saying "gee thanks, we haven't paid rent in 2 months, hope your happy". I haven't stopped crying. I try so I don't let my D13 see so I have been hiding in my room all night. The PAIN I feel in my heart is beyond words. I miss him so much. I would just love to hear his voice. Even just a hello. Today I feel like that will NEVER happen.
I have no idea what to do from minute to minute. I keep reading DR and I just don't understand how I can get it to work when he is so far away.
i know in new york, child and spousal support comes before his car payments. you need to speak with an attorney.
i know u are hurting, i am in a similar situation. it is hard and it stinks and the ow has no right to contact you.
but u must get legal advice. i know that in new york, the money can be set in place without even having a formal separation. it can take affect very quickly...
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I took a look at your thread. I want so say YOU GIVE ME HOPE. You show me that even though there is an OW and H is out of house, they do wake up and realize what they are throwing away. I know I am in for a very long and uphill battle but it is worth it. My H and I had a wonderful relationship. Alcohol had alot to play in this. He says that he is not drinking anymore but I just don't believe it. The hardest thing is that he lives so far away so there is never a chance for us to even see eachother. I feel like even when I do GAL he won't know it. So do I just wait for him to miss me enough to contact me? Right now I feel that would never happen. I have to keep positive, motivated and pray. I have realized that my friends and family are absolutely wonderful and I would never have made it this far without them. My D13 is pretty wonderful too.
I just wanted to thank you for giving me hope.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
tell that skank that any other form of contact from her to you will be considered harrassement. What sort of decent woman says such a thing? no one worth crying for hon, no one.
Yes, you do want your M back, but while your H has his head up his arse you must protect yourself ! 2 months without rent is ridiculous! tell him that you will be filing for CS (and have CS take the money from his check automatically) if he doesn't send the money in the next 5 working days. Too many LBS are afraid to rock the boat in efforts to not anger the WAS... you must remember he is looking for his intersts only, you do the same.
You will make it, btdt, don't let anything rob you of your life, wake up everyday deciding that you will be happy regardless. THe GAL is not mostly for him, it is for YOU, to find happiness all on your own, to rediscover that confident person you were even before you met him, to distractg yourself and try something new. My prayers your way, I pray that you find peace and that you have faith_))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Question for you all. How do you interact with joint friends and the WAS's family. If you are close with everyone and your H has had an A and has a drinking problem. Everyone feels so bad that this happened.
Does he think about us? Does he miss us? Is he ever going to call? Does he have even an ounce of love for us? There are everyday things that I want to share with him. Ecspecially about D13. She is interested in a boy and we would always talk about the day that this would happen, and wouldn't you know it, it is when he isn't here! I want to share it with him but I won't. I am working on GAL but that doesn't stop these thoughts that go thru my mind.
Just need to know what others think.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
Your H has made a choice to leave and be with the ow, this combined with the fact that he isn't supporting you as he should finacially means he doesn't have any rights to know! He has taken himself out of the family, and is chosing to not focus on you, so he has lost the right to know what you or your daughter is doing. One day he will be a very sorry man, but thats the price he has to pay for his actions! You have to stop focusing on him, worrying about what he is doing, thinking and focus on you and your daughter, because regardless of what he is doing you can't change it, and you will only drive yourself mad! Get out, be with friends, join some activities, do whatever you can to keep your self and mind occupied. I also agree with Cat you need to protect yourself and your daughter financially, get some orders in place to ensure you are able to support yourself and your daughter!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Thanks for the feedback. As far as financial things. My lawyer told me that the only way we can do the temp order for support is to either file for D myself or wait until H files. The word is out along the RR that he is not supporting his family and alot of guys are not happy with him. Since he isn't working, he isn't talking to anyone but the OW hears things being at the hotel. I do know that the OW is not very happy with the fact that he is not working, contacting his daughters or owning up to his responsabilities. I hope she continues to get frustrated and finally kicks him to the curb. I sit and wait for him to hit rock bottom and when he does I will be here.
Don't get me wrong, I will GAL and do things I love but I will not give up on him. Without the alcohol he is a wonderful, caring person.
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
to answer your earlier question, I kept the same demeanor with my ILs, if anything, we got a bit closer, they like me and i have nothing agaisnt them, so no reason to change my R with them. As far as mutual friends, do not go around telling them everything that is going on, later on you might regret what you divulged, the less people who know about this the better, just be yourself and act normal around them.
No one is suggesting you give up on him, only that you protect yourself financially, in my state you don't need to file for D to get CS, what a bummer that MN is different.
Don't hold your breath about him hitting rock bottom, it could take up to a year if indeed that happens (and when it happens, sometimes they get themselves in bigger messes). I think hope is the last thing to go, but you should still have plan b: what if he never comes back. Knowing that you WILL be ok and that you can be happy on your own will give you the peace of mind during limbo, trust me, btdt.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
