He is so hard to read these days.I used to know him like a book.It seems as long as I stay in a good mood and keep a smile on my face, that he stays in a good mood, but I know he has leaving on his mind.I did the 180 and that has made a big difference. I never give him a reason to leave so that makes it hard for him to go even when he is confused because he has feelings for another women. I think maybe he is still here cause he has work to do on the house before he can sell it. Somedays I feel so insecure, that I feel like I am going to loose it. HELP
Dear Lou123, I know exactly how you feel and i am getting very frustrated with the whole process. I to implemented the 180 on Thanksgiving and saw some progress.....He was spending more time in common areas of the house, we were spending more time together (no talk of feelings or emotions), he seemed more relaxed and was doing stuff (unasked) around the house, Had a great X-mas and spent New Years Eve together, Went out with friends last night and he informed once again of his plans for a divorce! Nothing has changed, he's miserable, wants out now before he wastes another 17 years of his life, etc......He claims to have given up the OW (I don't believe him, but why lie?) How do you know when it's time to let the R go and move on? I'm sorry.....I am not actually giving you help....I do want you to know that you are not alone in your confusion. Hang in there!
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M 7yrs T 17yrs Me 42 H 37 ilybnilwy 4/08 OW Discovery 1 week later S 5/08 Came home in 11/08 but still wants D
Well it's me again....I think he is staying cause he asked me when I was going to start the tomato seeds so WE could get them going for planting in the spring. I said WHAT ...Oh...OK ...so I will do that this weekend....He also said we could go somewhere in March for a few days.....I am excited but also nervous cause I know he could change his mind at any given time,But this does give me some hope. We still have great sex once a week and I think that helps keep us some what close . He does not tell me He Loves Me but if I say it. He will say He loves me too but I think he is uncomfortable about it. I started to go to church last week and that really helped . I look forward to going again this week. I hope we can stay on this positve track.
I'd recommend you stop saying ILY (more 180) and focus on doing stuff for YOU. The uncertainty can eat at you, but one certainty is that you are going to be with you, whether he's with you or not. Right?? Go to the theater, mall, park, gym, library.. and get to know yourself again.
Make YOU the kind of person you wanna be with!
H 51/W 43 Together 24yrs/Married 19yrs 2 kids- D18 & S16 "I want out" July 2008 "I want out" Dec 2008 "I want you out" Aug 2009 Still in house thru it all
These are all good ?'s My husband left this past Monday after dropping the "D" bomb on me last Tuesday. He went to go visit his family and I have been working on the 180. In fact, I have reaaranged the bedroom around, redid the entire closet where it is perfect. the house is immaculate and i am working on tackling the garage so I thought when he came home, he would see I wasn't sitting on my butt the entire time. One of the reasons I believe for our big blow up was that I didn't appreciate the house we live in because he was constantly taking care of it. I was going through a state of depression due to his ex wife and a custody battle. I just kind of let him do whatever he wanted with the house and stayed out of the way. But that was wrong because it blew up in my face big time. I was labeled lazy and all I did was sit on the couch all day or play on the computer not looking for a job. In the beginning he said I didn't need to get a job but I was stupid to think I could do whatever I wanted and let him bring in the money, take care of the house and as long as I gave him sex that would be enough. Nope. Domestic responsibilites are important now that I am finding out. Granted he may have leaving still on his mind, but he has not been home in a few days. The house has been immaculate since last Tuesday and has stayed that way. I know he is thinking he may be coming home to a mess, but I want it to be such a nice surprise. At leaast I feel better about myself for contributing. I don't know why I didn't before, I guess I was lazy. But I have been reading the divorce busting book and the dr..i stopped at chapter 6 on the dr until my hsuband comes home.
Has anyone got any other advice? When you do the 180 are you still having sex with your partner if they are still in the same house? see I am confused on this, because I love havingsex withmy husband, i am in myt 30's and he loves having it with me. But I didn't want to add another issue to the mix of denying or not having sex all together. I need to know, should I wait or if I feel intimate I should still do it. I know many husbands may not have that problem they are fighting for their wives to have it. But what if the wife has already gave it and never held it over their husbands head, but just didn't do anything else like clean the house, contribute to the finances, etc. I am proud to say I do have a p/t job to help contribute and I am appreciating all the hard work it does take to keeping the house up.
These are all good ?'s My husband left this past Monday after dropping the "D" bomb on me last Tuesday. He went to go visit his family and I have been working on the 180. In fact, I have reaaranged the bedroom around, redid the entire closet where it is perfect. the house is immaculate and i am working on tackling the garage so I thought when he came home, he would see I wasn't sitting on my butt the entire time. One of the reasons I believe for our big blow up was that I didn't appreciate the house we live in because he was constantly taking care of it. I was going through a state of depression due to his ex wife and a custody battle. I just kind of let him do whatever he wanted with the house and stayed out of the way. But that was wrong because it blew up in my face big time. I was labeled lazy and all I did was sit on the couch all day or play on the computer not looking for a job. In the beginning he said I didn't need to get a job but I was stupid to think I could do whatever I wanted and let him bring in the money, take care of the house and as long as I gave him sex that would be enough. Nope. Domestic responsibilites are important now that I am finding out. Granted he may have leaving still on his mind, but he has not been home in a few days. The house has been immaculate since last Tuesday and has stayed that way. I know he is thinking he may be coming home to a mess, but I want it to be such a nice surprise. At leaast I feel better about myself for contributing. I don't know why I didn't before, I guess I was lazy. But I have been reading the divorce busting book and the dr..i stopped at chapter 6 on the dr until my hsuband comes home.
Has anyone got any other advice? When you do the 180 are you still having sex with your partner if they are still in the same house? see I am confused on this, because I love havingsex withmy husband, i am in myt 30's and he loves having it with me. But I didn't want to add another issue to the mix of denying or not having sex all together. I need to know, should I wait or if I feel intimate I should still do it. I know many husbands may not have that problem they are fighting for their wives to have it. But what if the wife has already gave it and never held it over their husbands head, but just didn't do anything else like clean the house, contribute to the finances, etc. I am proud to say I do have a p/t job to help contribute and I am appreciating all the hard work it does take to keeping the house up.
Any advice on the sex part would be great.
been together for 3/Married for 2 years "d-bomb' last tuesday D-1 stepchild (his side) 4 yrs anniversary 2/15 W-32 H-36 started d-busting last wednesday
