You don't. BH did. Something about women in their 40's not having a man because the men all prefer younger women.
LOLA L, Now wait a minute! LOL I didn't say ALL MEN! I said most of them. I say that because of the data I have read regarding divorces. In saying that, I know many of you think statistics are a bunch of crap, and some are, but if you look at many of the real cases on here, I think you will find that many of the men who have left thier women have done so for younger women. I know that is hardly scientific evidence, but it can be a good lightning rod. I do not have that outlook. I prefer a woman near my age, since I am 21 I guess I am looking for a young woman! LOL Just kidding! I am 41 and the lady I am seeing is 40. I prefer a person around my true age. I don't have anything in common with someone a lot younger than myself. Here is a case where I make a statement of what I percieve to be a trend, but do not follow it in practice.
BH, No it not blowing sunshine, but it can be just as harmful is what I said. Blowing sunshine hurts later. Blunt honesty hurts at the outset.
There are no hard numbers here. None, and all data can be corrupt to support a position. No, I am not saying you are.
Just as there is no set one way to do this. I agree with you that in most case dettaching is the best way to go. In most cases. But not every case.
Similar circumstances for a majority here. The MLCer is a huge factor in whether or not a marriage can, dare I say should survive. But not to be overlooked is the LBS and what they do, or do not do.
I really am not butting heads with you BH. I am not trying to be antogonistic, we are both saying the same things, just in different ways, and for similar reasons.
Some people see the mountain and are determined to get to the top, for them the challenge excites them. For others they see the mountain and give up. Even though they are more than capable of getting to the top it is too much at once for them to get their head around.
Jack, here is bluntness for you. I may sometimes appear to be an ass, but I'm really not. In fact, I think of myself as having a kind heart and generous nature. I just have a different style is all. I respect your views on this board and I know you have been through a lot so I know the people who read what you write will benefit from your knowledge. I for one do read what you post and I have also benefited from it. I guess we will kind of agree to agree, with different ways of doing so!
I still have not found any evidence of any OW. The person my STBX does lean on is his best friend (same gender- no I don't think he is gay...). He has always only had 1 or 2 good friends. He isn't the type to have a ton of friends. He is very cautious about who he shares himself with- meaning who he can talk to. One thing to note is that is drinking has escalated in the past year to where I now think he is an alcoholic. I would say that he is most committed to his alcohol. I don't see us reconciling anytime soon, as he doesn't want anything in his life, but this. He does go skiing or will hang out for the evening with his bff and he does have the kids every other weekend. Other than that he is walled up at home...usually drunk.
Me:42 H:47 D:17 S:14 D:13 D:13 M: 18 years H filed 6/16/08 (I considered separation 5/08). D final 11/09. EH MLC/alcoholic. Not sure what the future holds..
scrappy, Mlcers do not always have an op in their lives while in crisis. Some will use work, drugs, alcohol, gambling, internet, etc., for self-medication. I know of one mlcer who had visions of meeting ow and going on from there, but it never materialized and he put all of his focus on his work. That was his "op" so to speak.
Give him plenty of space and time to work through is issues. While is out floating around....keep the focus on you and your life. There's nothing you can do to help him, except be a friend during all of this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Rysmom, please tell me how I am negative? Just because you don't agree with me doesn't make me negative. I mean honestly, how many times have you got on here and said you were going to file for this reason and that? In fact, you stated in a previous post that your papers were done and you had 30 days to file. I really think you need some help, you are very irratic in your behaviour.
