My last thread I dedicated to Thankfulness. I found it was really super helpful to be mindfully thankful every day. Not just at mealtimes, not just at night. It was really helpful and having gone through 6 weeks of consciously making an effort to be thankful every day, I started to build a new habit. Which is really good! I'm glad about that.
Ok, so a new thread now. This thread I will dedicate to both Thankfulness and Perseverance.
To start off, here is today's thought on Persistence and Determination.
Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown
a lovely Thanksgiving. I spent the day with the kids, for the first time in my life I made a full Thanksgiving dinner "by myself". I say that in quotes because every one of my four loveys helped me cook. My 13-yr old made the stuffing and actually stuffed the bird. My 10 yr old made candied yams. My 12 yr old made the mashed potatoes. (My six year old made us smile while we were cooking). Thanksgiving is a great holiday. This year I was much more thankful than last year, though my situation is not much different. I credit it to the encouragement of friends, some divine inspiration, and some concentrated effort on my part. Today I am able to look at my situation with hope for the future, not merely regret for the past; with a knowledge that I am doing the best I can, and that is good enough; and with an understanding that a loss, though serious and sad, is not forever, nor must it be devastating.
Unexpected surprises. I have been thankful for this before. This time it was a long-lost friend who called me up to invite me out on a bike ride. It was rainy and cold, but let me tell you that ride was lovely. Really good to see him. I am so thankful that he thought of me and invited me.
Going back. This weekend I am traveling across the country to see my homies. I haven't been back to see my siblings and old friends in about a year. Everyone is excited to see me, and we're planning some good times - going out to dinner, visiting people's houses. One of my friends even told me his kids are excited to see me, which is GREAT. They are the brightest girls you ever want to meet. My kids and those girls used to really have fun together, until we moved away. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone.
Looking forward.While my (stbx) wife is still pressing her case that she wants me AWAY from the kids, my kids are planning outings with me! My son told me he wants to go skiing with me, and my daughters wanna go shopping. Yee-haw! The wife can make all the legal arguments she wants, but the plain fact is my kids want to be with me. They are looking forward to doing stuff with me.
Challenges. I've been facing a bunch of new challenges at work, which has been hard, but... really good for my confidence, which had suffered greatly through all my personal travails. I am rehabbing myself.
Ok, that's enough for today. I have more but my heart is overflowing and I will share it tomorrow.
We are in divorce settlement talks, and her words: I think 5 nights every two weeks is too much (eg, too much time for the kids to spend with me) and I only agreed to that in mediation in a useless attempt to settle this out of court. I will fight in court if necessary to prevent you from being with the children so much. You have been abusive to me and you have been abusive to them. ...I know you love your children, I know they love you, I know that you desire to be with them and I also know that living in an abusive environment is not the best thing for me or them. That's why I left you and that's why I will do what I can to prevent you from having too much time with them. You don't have the patience nor empathy to be a good parent without resorting to abusive behaviors to get your way with them.
This feels totally out of line to me, but I haven't responded. I understand she is very angry; she is now reaching her goal - divorce - and things are not as rosy as she imagined. It's becoming clear to her that she needs to have a job now (!!?!?!?), that she needs to earn money herself. It is also clear that she needs to agree on a firm custody schedule, whereas right now my time with the kids is subject to her whims. (eg, I was supposed to have Thanksgiving all weekend with the kids but Tuesday she "changed her mind" and I had to bring them back on Friday).
It's hard to believe, but it seems she thought she was just going to have the kids all the time, and she wouldn't have to work, and that the kids would see me when she felt like it. It seems she thought I would continue to support the family with my income as I always have, yet be prohibited from actually being a part of the family. Surreal. Anyway those expectations of hers are being corrected now, and so she is angry and lashing out. She is getting the divorce and it is not exactly what she thought. Result: GRRRRRRR!!!!
Whatever. Let her growl. Let her fight me. I won't get angry or vindictive. I won't. I will shower my kids with love and good things will happen! Let her spew. It won't affect me.
Time and time again they will do or say anything to get what they thought they wanted and when they get it, They quickly find it is not the key to unlock that elusive happiness. It is our fault still, then it's time to grasp another straw.
I am Thankful that my eyes opened this morning to another brand new day.
It is amazing what they say and more importantly what they actually think. Scary......
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Hi, Sir-- Welcome back! I've missed you, your wisdom and your positivity. Sounds like a wonderful Thanksgiving! And you're absolutely right--your kids love you, enjoy your time together and clearly look forward to it. That matters far more than what your STBX tries to manipulate. Even if she is successful in limiting your time together (I doubt she will be), the fact remains that they love you and she can't change that!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hey S, been thinking about you, glad you're back. You are a very important part of these boards - so I am thankful for you.
I really believe that in the end, the truth always wins. And the truth is that you love your children and you are a good father. This will eventually backfire on her. It already is starting to. Your children might start to resent her because she is trying to keep them away from you.
Oh, it makes me sad to think that she doesnt see how important a father is to a child, and how lucky they are to have one that wants to be in their lives.
Keep on keepin on. Oh and just a little FYI. As the mother of a teenager, homies - not too cool to say anymore. Just lookin out for you - LOL!
