Hello all, I am new to this site. M 17 years, me 56 tomorrow ex 49 speech July 2007, divorced Oct. 2008. OW 38 single and mexican. My H and I had a wonderful life together. Then he went to work in Mexico. I attended there and we had our eldest son and our youngest at home. They were coping financially as money was sent and for food, they made meals and school, grades were excellent. Yet the eldest is 6 years older and was into the alcohol and girl stage and the youngest only 14. I returned home and that made H stay. We had a home there and he was co-owner in a huge millwork operation. He came home every 6 weeks for a week. Slowly he did not seem as interested in the family life. He had experienced the jet set life style and the freedom. He had seen employees leave marriages for the excitement and adventure offered without committment and responsibility with the third world life style. I believe that with the accident and loss of the foreman, a mexican down there and the life style and his age and then his grandfathers death that it all was like a perfect storm. What started out innocent became alluring as he opened himself up to it and then the lust and now he is in love with her. She has never been married. Lots of fun. Adores him and is new. She is young and very positive he says and he loves that about her. Took her to hawaii last January where we were married. I had served him in Dec. as he wanted freedom and a divorce. During the year up until the mediation I asked him several times did he want to rethink this. Wait or hold off for a year. He said that it had gone too far with the lawyers and with his ow and now for the sake of his face to our circle of friends that d had to happen. At mediation he said that he loved her and not me. That it was a good run and that the book was closed. He has 3 sports cars, a ponytail. Wants no conditions on his life. Wants time for him now. Knows he is selfish. Says I deserve my dignity. One minute boasts about the ow in Mexico and says he is happy then says who says I am happy. He is living in his warehouse here in Canada with ow and is still in love. Does not he says plan on marriage. This was second for both of us. I do not know what to do but to go forward on my own now. Think of him as gone and just pray. Pray that we both learn from this and that love that once brought us together will regain strength as the dust clears. I only see him in the REplay stage and it is the longest. His father did this as well at the same age he was that our youngest is now. He was so hurt he graduated bald from highschool. NOw he is on the journey to see if he is his father. Whether this ow will be the love of his life. If all that he blames me for is real or fantasy as is this relationship. I know that no communication with him at this point is the only answer. This is his problem. His choice and the more that I tried in the beginning to reason-read all the books, he would have a glimmer of understanding and then dash into the darkeness with eyes that once were so full of love to cold as ice. I suppose that I have to as everyone says forget it. It is over and he does not love me and is never comming back. The last email that I sent him was in August. I said that I forgave him but that right now I could not speak with him. I would lash out as I was hurting. I have not seen or heard from him since. Our son is acting out. My parents are near their end. I could do with his input but with ow in the picture I fear it would be deaf ears. I just pray that someday all the words that I gave him will resonate and he will return. For himself, our son and for this family. Just looking for input into anyone else that has gone this path and if there is hope. Thank you
Seems as this is not the place to talk about after the divorce. I am sorry if I posted where I should not have. I will try another place. Thank you June 21
JUne You do sound strong This journey is about us as well you will find your way Most LBS wind up better than before, healthy and strong as for your H He is following the script hios dad did My H dad also left..I never even met him I think your story is similar to many here they find OW fall in love they are in a fog and can only see this as their new source for happiness its not that they dont love us..the new person is an addiction like a drug they will not give them up they run and blame us but the theory is they are runninmg from their past..the pain of their childhood, so ow is jusy a fantasy she may appear positive but under the fog she is most likely a vulture they affair down..meaning they pick controlling , needy woman chances are the papradise life will not be found with his ow and ponytail you take care of you talk to your son..let your kids see your strengh encourage any R with kids and H..even if its by phone this way kids wont feel as abandoned I dont knoe if I diod the right thing but I told my kids H was in a crises we prayed for him he visits 4x a week..we are friends
my kids and I are more bonded.. they know I am committed to them one parent is better than none You are in the right place keep posting sometimes you will get few responses till people get to know you you will be ok peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you peace. Your words were so true. I have to let him my ex come to want to speak with me. I do not stand in the way of my ex and our son. We have said that dad is going through something now and that he may regret it but it will not be for a long time. I pray and only go on for myself and my son. My son wants me to succeed and I have written a test for a position that will give me back a sense of self esteem. Hugs to you my new friend. Your words were of comfort in this vortex of confusion. G
I don't often respond to postings ---but yours caught my eye. I think you have gotten some great advice already -- but all I can add is that you need to understand MLC as much as you can. Then you won't be so blown away by all these crazy antics. And you also won't have unrealistic expectations about the length of time that this will take ---etc---etc.
There's a lot of good basic information on this site about MLC --suggestions of books to read --and just basic do's and don'ts in respect to dealing with a spouse who has gone off the deep end and left you "holding the bag". Study all that you can --you will never regret having this kind of knowledge.
If you are interested - there are some Christian sites that encourage hanging in there ---even in the face of being divorced. God can heal many situations and restore marriages that otherwise would have been lost forever. But it takes a serious belief in His guidance and power --and a commitment to see the process through to the end --no matter what the circumstances.
Divorce is by no means the end. It is up to you as to how you want to respond --and if you believe that you are being guided to stand for your marriage.
