Military husband, WAW... Help!

[BBrown]

Well on 20 Oct the Wife moved out on me. I was pretty surprised to say the least. She filed for divorce on 10 Nov, and will be official well before Christmas. It’s hard to describe what happened in our marriage, but from reading many other posts I can tell that my situation is much like many others. I focused too much on career and raising our three year old daughter I didn't focus on the foundation. I didn't focus on my wife. She works full time on night shift and is going to school. I now realize that I didn’t provide her with a comfortable environment at home and really tried to push our marriage into the traditional model which devalued what she has accomplished and in some way created resentment in her. In doing so she became miserable and finally left.

I believe she had an EA before the separation that has moved to a PA. I happened to notice on her Facebook profile that she is listed as being in a relationship with another man. I don't know how far this has gone or is going. I wish I never looked. My DB coach said that I should leave that topic well enough alone for now and I will. Though it is very hard not confront her about it.

I've had two DB coaching calls and after each one I have felt a bit better. I've made some small improvements for myself to include wearing nicer clothes and going to the gym, losing a few pounds, both of which the W has noticed. I love her more than anything and want to show her that I can be the husband and partner she needs. I'm trying to be upbeat when around her and to suppress the negative emotions and be the best friend to her that I can be. Problem is this is all still too new and fresh. I find myself depressed quite often. To top it all off I have orders to move across the country to her home town the end of February, which I thought was going to make her happy, now she says she doesn't want to move home and will be staying here in Montana for a few more years? We had one counseling session here locally in which she said she wasn't willing to work on our M now, but maybe in a few years? She even went so far as to say maybe when I move to Georgia next summer? I'm still confused. She has said to me that we seem to be better friends now than we have been before. I might be able to delay my move, but I'm not sure how this will be received by the W. I'm trying to find the problems within myself and make those necessary changes.

I feel as though time is against me. What if she gets too involved with OM? How can I show to her that changes I’m looking to make in myself from across the country? Also thinking about volunteering for a year in Iraq before I have to move to a new permanent base thinking that this would give her time to change her mind? In the military there has always been the joke that absence makes the heart grow fonder of the next guy. Never thought I’d be having these problems with my marriage. I never thought she would ever leave me. Now I understand that I truly had made her unhappy, and it was the inattention I gave her, the thoughtlessness, and the added stress of being mother, student, full time nurse, house keeper, and wife that finally was too much for her to bear.