Dear (((Goldey, Addie, SMW and Andabelle))), thank you!
It's done. We called her and H has told her everything. He didn't try to excuse his actions. It was so hard, D17 was very brave and didn't say much. I spoke with her also and told her that we both love her more than we can tell, and always will. She said: I know that. She was crying and I was crying too. I said, I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you the truth, we were trying to protect you. She said: I understand, I love you too. My poor baby, I hated him so much for what he did to her, to us. Of course, it turned into R talk. H has told me that he's unhappy with OW and the life with her is not what he thought it would be, but he still doesn't want to come back to me and wants to try and live alone. It wasn't totally unexpected and I handled it better than I thought I'd ever be able. I've told him that I need time to heal now and asked him to stop calling me, now that D17 knows, there is no need to communicate so often. I also told him that I need to start living my life and it seems not to be possible with him in the picture. I want him out of my life for good. It is true. I've been in Limboland way too long, now I'm back to the way I was in August - it's over. I guess, I've thrown in the towel and H finally understood it. He asked if he can come over tomorrow to bring me some CDs (something he thought I may want) and I said NO. Please, don't. Let me heal. If I will need you I will give you a call, I promise. I was friendly, but firm. Once the convo with D17 was over, I stopped crying. H was crying when he left. Strange, but I really don't care right now, may be I'm just numb. But DBing is over for me, I feel free to start living the rest of my life without H. Sorry, guys, I turned out to be a quitter after all.
I think, it is also a good bye. I've been off the boards many times and kept coming back, for love and support and wisdom from all of you. I will take my time now. Thank you, my friends, for always been there for me, sharing your thoughts, encouraging me in every step I took. Now I will start making my own baby steps - towards my new life.
(((Hugs))) and good luck, all of you.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I think you handled yourself beautifully. I'm glad you're feeling detached and as though you can move forward and heal a little now. And please don't beat yourself up or think you're a quitter. Two years is a LONG time to have stuck through this. Take a breath and sigh- things will look better day by day.
Please stay in touch, even if you're not posting. I want to know how you're doing.
I don't think you are a quiter at all!!!!! I think you handled yourself very well & we are going to miss you. I do hope you will keep in touch!!!
I'll be thinking about you!!!! You have been with me from the very start of my sitch & I just want to think you for your wonderful support & advice!!!!
(((Lisa))), I'm afraid I don't deserve your compliment! Today when I tried to recall the convo, I realized that I said ILY (got ILY too in reply), didn't validate H's feelings and dwelled on mine and broke a couple more DB rules. Of course, since I'm going to stop DBing, it doesn't really matter. Then again, what I'm doing right now is called LRT, unless I'm very much mistaken:). And I am really ready for it! Oh, and I sent you some pics!
(((nlt))), thank you for your kindness and your constant support and help. I will definitely keep in touch:)
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Stella, I know how difficult it must have been to tell your D the truth. Honesty is always the best way to handle the sitch.
I can relate to your feeling numb, not wanting contact with H and not really DBing anymore. You have been in limbo for such a LONG time. Only you know when it is time to move on. I have a feeling your H will continue to waffle back and forth for some time. For your own PMA, you may want to detach yourself completely from that ongoing uncertainty.
Stella, I will really miss you - you have always supported me throughout my drama. Please remain in touch.
Many HUGS!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I'm so tired after TWO YEARS of same old same old, I have no patience anymore. Last year I'd be happily counting baby steps after such aa encounter. Today I'm just desperate for some peace and quiet. I want him gone nearly as much as I want him back. Several times I was SOOO close to saying: JUST LEAVE ME AlONE NOW, I'm not playing that game, not again! But I knew I'd regret it. I love him. Sigh...
Hi Stella, I have never posted to you but I know this feeling. Its been 2 years next month for me and really when you say I want him gone nearly as much as I want him back, that is so true for me too. I have been at the place of almost saying Leave me alone too! I am better today. I do have so much more peace. My H is still in the forrest, he is very lost. We do speak every day though. I hope you will find the peace you are looking for.
It does get frustrating but stop putting a time limit on this & the time will fly by Took almost 6 yrs & today I've updated my thread to post MARRIAGE RESTORED! The roller coaster will take you through many twists & turns the question is will you have to ride a few extra rolls or will you learn your lessons quickly? There are lessons that we each have to learn during this time of seperation, he has lessons & you have lessons he can't learn them for you & you can't learn them for him patience may be in fact one of the many lessons that you have to learn during this time I do know for my ownself patience was one that I had to learn getting frustrated only makes matters worse take it from one who's been there & done that
I am sorry I missed what happened... You are no quiter, you are brave and amazing and strong. And maybe this rope dropping is what it will take for him to understand what he will lose.
Take care of you, stick to your no contact rule. You do need time to heal but you will. Your D is old enough and she will understand. She is brave girl like her mom. Life will be treating you well, you will see, trust me... Stay in touch, LOVE K
Stella I'm so proud of you! You did such a hard thing and handled it with such grace. Your journey has been an inspiration to me. Your H will realise one day how lucky he was to have such a strong W who supported him.
I hope that you are healing and concentrating on yourself. I think you are on the right track by not DB-ing, just relaxing. I hope that you aren't feeling anxious about the future? It must be so nice to be out of limbo land and have some control.
All the best to you. Sending up a little prayer for you now that you will know joy and contentment within yourself.
