I just wanted to write something about the MLC'ers letting us go. My daughters told me that daddy hardly ever talks about 'us' as a 'family' anymore...he used to tell them lots of stories of all we used to do, but he has stopped. He now only talks of himself and ow things. My kids have noticed, and they are sad about it. I think it is very obvious that H has let go of this life. Of 'our' life. It's tough to realize, but in my heart I think I knew...for a long time.
Will he be happy with ow? I don't know, on some level, I hope it will end, so that maybe there is a chance for him to at least realize what has happened. But I have a feeling that may not happen for a LONG time. Maybe never....
I'm ok though, enjoying life, not ready for a new man, but not closing my options, as you never know what the future holds. With that being said, I still stand for my marriage and I still pray that God helps the man that I truly love (H) find his way home again.
D9 cried again tonight. She was upset that her daddy didn't come to watch her at the hockey match. All I could do was comfort her, and tell her I love her.
I love you all too ! May God bless all your wonderful hearts. And may he bring happiness and answered prayers to you all this coming year !
Much love, Cinders xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders, My heart aches for the children who have been caught up in the mlc situation. The spouses do tend to detach themselves from the marriage early on, prior to walking out the door. They had a head start in letting go and here we are finally detaching as we walk the path.
Who knows what the future holds. Your h could remain with the ow he is currently with or he could move on to another. But, this I can promise you, he will never find another Cinders. He may attempt to compare the women who come and go in his life, but Cinders, you are a very unique lady and no one, I mean absolutely no one, can ever replace you. He may never admit it, but he will be reminded of this many times during his own life's journey.
We all have so much to be thankful for each and every day. We have each other here or the board and yes, even in real life, we have our families, friends, co-workers, etc. We are very wealthy in love and companionship of those around us. Yes, it's true, it's not the same as our spouses being w/us, but still, we know that God is always there watching over us and his love is what will protect us and see us through each and every day.
Hugs to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I think this is to be said, for the many many fantastic spouses that come here in search of help and comfort, hoping to one day restore the marriage they so believe in, finding back the love they shared with their spouse.
To all of you out there...Never forget that NO MATTER what your spouse DOES or SAYS, you are fantastic people who deserve a great future !! Make the VERY BEST Future you can for yourselfs, and the rest will follow !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I just wanted to write something about the MLC'ers letting us go. My daughters told me that daddy hardly ever talks about 'us' as a 'family' anymore...he used to tell them lots of stories of all we used to do, but he has stopped. He now only talks of himself and ow things. My kids have noticed, and they are sad about it. I think it is very obvious that H has let go of this life. Of 'our' life. It's tough to realize, but in my heart I think I knew...for a long time.
It is a difficult realisation .. although I can understand it. I can understand how they can walk out on us for OW / OM; after all, I almost did it myself. I can honestly say it is no reflection the person left behind .. …what I can’t even begin to comprehend at all is how they can walk out on their children….that I hope I will never understand. How can he talk to your D about the wonderful family memories …? He would make himself sound a hypocrite. It must hurt to remember the good times….and acknowledge that due to his choices there will be no more. He took that away from your children and he has to live with that everyday, of course he doesn’t want to remember and reflect on that ….
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Will he be happy with ow? I don't know, on some level, I hope it will end, so that maybe there is a chance for him to at least realize what has happened. But I have a feeling that may not happen for a LONG time. Maybe never....
A relationship built on the ruins of a family can’t truly be happy. Resentment will set in. I firmly believe that. He will blame her for not living up to the person he thought she was and visa versa.
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D9 cried again tonight. She was upset that her daddy didn't come to watch her at the hockey match. All I could do was comfort her, and tell her I love her.
That is so harsh, you must have felt so hurt for your daughter. I know myself I often feel like I have let my son down by my choice of father for him. But that just makes me more determined than ever to be the best possible mother I can. I can’t control my H actions but I can make sure the damage to my son is limited; and like you, I do.
Nutty
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Cinders, these MLCers are broken. They have to be to do the things they do to their families. I believe that one day your h will realize all that he has done.
You are a special lady. I hope that your life is filled with all things wonderful!
Don't rely on someone else having to be at fault, or someone else changing their views, to have a happy life.
Five years from now you may well agree with H that your marriage was best ended. You really have no idea how you will feel then. Nor does either of you know how he will feel then.
The important thing to do right now is to try to let go of the need to be right, of the need for him to be wrong, of the need for him to suffer.
Build a new beautiful life on your strengths. Not on the possible weaknesses or remorse or guilt of others. You don't need it.
I think once we get to acceptance of our situations, it is then that we NO longer look at what our spouses did to our families and how they did this to us and that to us.
I know for myself that I have come to a different phase of my life. I don't want to hang onto the anger and resentment. My h left for a reason. I may not understand it nor do I agree with it, but he is an individual with his own free will.
I don't see him walking away from his kids. He still sees them as much as HE can. It might not be what I would do, but again I am not him.
Sometimes if we just shift our perspective a bit we can be open to more possibilities. It may not be the life we dreamed of or envision, but it is our life now and we might as well make the best of it.
Cinders you are an awesome woman and don't ever doubt that.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I am so sorry your kids have to go thru this. They will remember this when they get older and they will also remember who took care of them when their dad was away. One day, they will have a long talk with their dad about what he did to you and them.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Don't rely on someone else having to be at fault, or someone else changing their views, to have a happy life.
Five years from now you may well agree with H that your marriage was best ended. You really have no idea how you will feel then. Nor does either of you know how he will feel then.
The important thing to do right now is to try to let go of the need to be right, of the need for him to be wrong, of the need for him to suffer.
Build a new beautiful life on your strengths. Not on the possible weaknesses or remorse or guilt of others. You don't need it.
Build clean and bright :-)
Oldtimer...yes, and that is why I am trying hard to forgive and let go of the anger and pain...so that my life can go in the right direction. Thanks for the insightful reminder ! xx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
