I'm sorry for not posting yesterday. I had the day off and I was surprised that H did too. Was unexpected. His work is slowing down, and he thinks that he may be layed off next week. That's early, but there is nothing that we can do about it. At least we didn't buy that truck.
We had beautiful weather yesterday, and with both of us home we used the time to work outside. H taught me how to run the Bobcat, something that I have always wanted to do, so that was a plus. I have asked a couple of times over the years, and he has never let me. Yesterday we were needing to move a heavy spool of wire, and he said "I don't supposed you can run the Bobcat?" He then took time to teach me and directed me over to a space in the property to play around with it. It was fun, and I was able to be a bigger help to him.
We had a nice day together and got a lot done. I guess that's why the alien attack came as such a big surprise to me. It was about 4 pm and we were in his truck returning a trencher that we had rented. I looked around and said, "it's such a beautiful day today and it's going to be such a wonderful night. A perfect night for a bonfire." "Hey, maybe we can go over to Smith's later?" They have a bonfire every Friday night and we have been to several together over the past couple of months.
OMG! I had never even seen the transformation! In the short amount of time since we had left our driveway and driven perhaps 3/10th of a mile the alien had changed places with H. He blew up at me. He had spent the day with me, he had tried to be nice, so why was I insisting on planning every part of his schedule for him? What? He had asked me to do these things, to help him work on our home today? Believe me, it was not my idea to be moving rocks and crawling in the dirt running wire. I had things already planned that I was going to do on my day off. But he needed help working at our place so I agreed.
He went on and on, and was his usual mean self. I cried all the way to the equipment rental place, and did not get out of the truck when we arrived. He then continued with his rant all the way home. He told me that he wanted to be alone, that he wanted to be single, and remain single for the rest of his life. He plamed me for all of the things that are wrong in his life, everything was my fault. He went on and on. I have to admit that at one point I just considered opening the door and throwing myself out of the truck on the highway. I felt so trapped, so beaten down. But I didn't. I just cried all the way home. Part of me knew that he was just being crazy.
When ge got home I went in the house and up to the bedroom. I layed down and pretty much cried myself to sleep. I woke up almost 2 hours later and went downstairs and began to clean up the kitchen. He was still outside working, and came in while I was half way finished. Guess what? Nice H was back and he was asking whether I wanted dinner and if I wanted to go over to Smith's or not. WTF? This time I flipped out. I told him that I could not handle these mood swings of his, that I deserved better than this and that I was sick of his treatment of me. He tried to come up with some excuse, but I did not accept it. I told him that I would love to go to Smith's some other Friday night, but I didn't want to go anywhere with him now. I finished the kitchen and went down to the basement to puts some drygoods away that we store on shelves there. My S25 called while I was doing that, so I grabbed a beer our of the second fridge that is down there and went out to the deck so I could get a signal on my phone. S and I had a wonderful talk. He and F are getting things worked out, and he had lots to tell me. I was out on the deck (it was a beautiful night) for some time and H came looking for me. He was upset to find me talking on the phone, I could tell that his jealous/parinoid side was showing. I told him I was talking to S.
When I came in I finished up in the basement and then went back upstairs to the bedroom. I did not sleep well, woke up every couple of hours. I got up this am and H is already being nasty/petty when I went down to get some coffee. He told me "don't talk to me, NEVER talk to me again."
Whatever. I am off his rollercoaster. I'm going to get some stuff together to take to Goodwill this morning, and try to go over to my S22 to watch the football game. H wants to be single, he can feel single today. Single and alone.
One of the things that hurt so much yesterday was that he said I had no life, I was boring and had no friends. That is so not true. I have all kinds of friends, and I can find lots of things to do. People don't really come over to our house right now, because they don't know what kind of mood H is going to be in. My girlfriends are all married and usually do things with their H on Friday night. I don't want to spend the night sitting in the bar, and I sure don't want to go do that by myself.
All I did was say, Hey maybe we could.... and the beast was unleashed. F him.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Oh Hope, I had an alien sighting too last night. I'm beginning to think our H are on the same frequency. I too was in a good mood, home from work early. He asked why I was home early I told him, asked him what time he got home and boom it was the alien. I got home whenever I got here. I worked until I worked. Well I fell of the DB wagon and told him he could have answered my question since I answered his. Well you ask too many questions. Me-thanks for ruining my good mood. H-You are right I shouldn't have asked why you were home. I don't care what you do anyway and some other crap. I finally told him, I don't care that you asked I care that you reminded me what a piece of crap I am. People don't treat their friends the way you treat me and I'm sick of it. The tears were there but I refused to let him see them. I sat down here and within 5 minutes, it was like it never happened. I am so tired of it somedays. So I understand where you are coming from.
I told you I have been seeing these switches and they are starting to go back and forth very quickly. It sort of scares me. But since you are seeing the same thing, maybe it is more normal for this MLC crap than I thought.
Don't let him get to you. My H once told me I have no life, no friends etc...I know in my heart that isn't true. Yes I'm a homebody, but you know what, I have more friends calling here than he does and I do more things with other people than he does. And you probably do to. It is their projection.
And yes I too said F him last night. Not in those exact words. Mine are on here somewhere but I think it was the A** can go to hell cuz thats where he belongs.
We all love you Hope and I know we will all get through this. Try to have a good day, that's what my plan is and he can wallow if he wants to.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
wow ! This is my 1st time on here and I am seeing that my husband has a dual personalty too. one day he is the old husband that I thought I knew and the next day he is that other person that I do not like . I have been walking 4 to 5 miles a day to releive the stress. It really helps.Sometimes I am close to loosing it. I think I am a stronger person than I ever imagined I could be. Yesterday was a good day. I am praying for today....
Morning Hope, I hate the alien came back to roost. I think it is good you expressed that you are tired of the BullSh*t. H probably isn't even aware he is doing it. I am glad that you had a nice day together, and got some work done. The bobcat sounds fun! Glad to hear your Son and Fiance are working things through. That is wonderful.
It would be so much easier to GAL, if all of my friends weren't married. I don't think I have any close friends I would do anything with that aren't married. It is weird how all of that happened. I agree I don't want to go to a bar alone. Once again, if we were all closer it would be much easier to GAL!!
morning namesake, omg I am so sorry sweetie! I want to come smack him! seriously! could all our H be related ya think? my H tells me all the time I have no life or friends either, duh hard to get out when we only have 2 cars and 3 drivers!
enjoy the game sweetie, know I love you and am holding you close! hope things with your S keep going good!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
hey namesake, thinking of you and holding you close, hope yesterday was a good day. we love and miss you
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
hey girlie, heres to hoping your team has a better second half!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
