Midwestern Girl 10/10/08

[forward]

MWG, Your H seems to be reaching a point where he is going to HAVE to make some changes.

Interesting that he told his boss off. There is so much of the Angry Young Man/Rebellious Young Woman in MLCers.

[MidwesternGirl]

Yes, and I think he knows he has to make some changes. I think he is very afraid of ow, too. I have no fear of her because I can prevent her from coming near my family. She knows my h loves me.

He has been out of work for just over two months now.

[forward]

MWG, Well, this is the Welcome to Reality part, isn't it? Nothing is going to stop death and aging. So how does one plan to come to terms with these things in life? I would hope that at some point they would say "Why, I am so lucky to have a spouse who genuinely loves and does not just use me," but in H's case, I am not holding my breath.

I do think when they leave they are blaming us for all their problems and if they can just be w/OP, life is going to be all rainbows and unicorns. Surprise!

I feel as if my H is going through a delayed adolescence and the whole deal is going to be good for him in the long run. I just don't know if I am going to around to see him wake up / grow up as he seems as immature as ever to me.

There are so many things that are so very adolescent.

[MidwesternGirl]

Breton:

I think it takes them awhile to realize that what they have with ow is not what it is all cracked up to be.

My H has said several times that in the beginning you think this is wonderful and it is love but you come to the realization that it is not all that it's cracked up to be and is just an illusion.

I have read from so many here that their walkaways have said how horrible their marriages were but mine never said that at all. As a matter of fact, he has said the opposite, the marriage was always great.

Oh well, all I can do is pray.

[kelaaron]

For my H the marriage has always been great until this crap starts. I actually received an email from him a few months ago and he said some days he is really into us and others he just wants to be alone. He doesn't know what to do with those feelings. So I just am taking things daily and going from there.

Just keep praying.

[naej]

My h is very much aware of his medical condition. His mom was a nurse so he knows full well about heart attacks and strokes. His grandfather died of a stroke.

No suprize there then.

Well, I think God is really working on h and he is at the bottom swimming but cannot get up. And I know God uses illness also. Remember Charlyne's husband, Bob? Strokes and heart attacks? My h's problems are no surprise to me.

Well thats reassuring, I guess your H will also know that people die from strokes and heart attacks.
MWG, I am sorry your H knows everything apart from how to stop living with such an evil woman that he is afraid of and unhappy with, plus getting you both into huge amounts of debt for the experience.
As long as he continues with a few kisses and texts I guess all will be well, especially when your children confirm all he says.
I hope God moves on your husband in this lifetime,because we all only have a limited timespan, unfortunately or fortunately we do not live to be as old as Moses or Job.
You truly wear your suffering well and will no doubt continue to do so.
Gods will be done in your life for I truly believe you deserve so much more than what you have endured for these many years.
I apologise for the sarcasm, but I am truly frustrated for you.
I guess if nothing else and I really know how this post will be taken, (the enemy strikes again)I have spoken from my heart and with honesty as a final post..

[brueniap]

naej,
lurker here.........always read this thread.........always love and appreciate your posts.

brue

[mishka422]

Naej said it all so I won't be redundant.

MWG-Your H really needs to get a clue. He has control of his own sitch and choses to live the way he does. OW has no control. He is chosing this, knows it all, can't be helped. Sorry. I'm so sick of the crap he pulls on you and your kids. He is cake eating MWG. He gets exactly what he wants from both of you without having to put any real emotion or effort into anything.

Stepping away now before I start screaming!

[snowmm]

MWG - you hang in there. I don't worry about you - too much - you are protected by the hand of God. You are doing what God has told you to do. I'm so glad that you come here and share with all of us what is going on in your life.

I was troubled a little last week when you said that you did a 180. Who told you to do the 180? God or this site? I did a 180 last March and then my husband went right back into the tunnel and spent more time with her again. It's so easy to do. You want to do something. Yet, God has told me to sit back, watch and pray. I'm not to do anything but that. And it's HARD.

You are such an inspiration to so many people here. Keep doing what God is telling you to do. I know you will!

[MidwesternGirl]

Okay everyone let's take a timeout here.

What works for one person does not always work for another and each situation is just a little bit different.

My h has made great progress this year.

I try not to judge him for his actions or where he is living or with whom. Sure it gets old but I prefer to let God deal with him and not to interfere in the process of what God is doing. I know my H will be home but again, in God's perfect timing.

The way some people deal with this is far different than how I deal with it. And what may work for others does not translate into working for all.

I respect everyone's opinions but I do know how best to deal with my husband, I think.

Snowmm:

My 180 was just saying goodbye or some such thing, and that was my decision at that time because I was not in the mood.

Nobody here advised me on that.

I will be honest and tell you that if I take matters into my own hands, the progress goes back at least 20 steps. I prefer to allow God to work on my husband, not me.

Yes, I am tired but this is the path I have chosen to take. God says we must suffer and this is part of His plan.