The unexpected happened today. X called again. Again I hijacked the conversation. Asked how the dogss, sheep, her, work etc were doing. Then I said we need to set some days up that I can go an pick up the rest of my stuff from the house. That took her back a bit, she said yes we did but no hurry. Stark contrast from Nov when she said I needed to get it out soon. Mentioned some movies I have seen lately and about my housing search. She seem interested in both. Told her I would be happy to take her to dinner one night but that she has to give me at least a weeks notice:) She laughed but said ok. She asked if the "housings" would allow cats. We have/had one of those naked cats like on Austin Powers. She wants me to take him when I get a place of my own. I'm more than happy to. All in all I think it went well. I sense she felt a new me and was interested in that. She did say she has enjoyed her space the past few weeks. Funny thing, I felt more of her friend than ever today. I even told her one of the movies was a great date movie and "they" should go. I didn't even feel anxiety. Maybe I am further detatched than I thought. I also felt that what everybody says on here does work. I sense that she feels less presure, curious about my going 'forward' etc. I really do have faith that this does take time and that there is still a chance of us getting back together. No expectations though. Will go 'forward' (I love that V) as if she is not going to be part of my life. Told her as much too. Said 'You know how I feel and where I would like to see us, but I am moving forward with my life and if you want to be part fine if not fine too. Just don't wait too long because I may not be available then.' Wow. What a great feeling!!!! Empowerment is found everywhere in here:) thanks B
V Thanks. I'm glad you are cheering me on. The unexpected txt me today. She wanted to tell me the sheep had two lambs last night. Funny she txt today as there were two others born two weeks ago she didn't seem to need to tell me about. I will take this as a plus, unexpected civil curious contact. A positive in my mind.? My reply to her was "cool, thanks for the update". Short, sweet and happy. Unlike the me of the past there were no follow up txt just to keep her talking. I love being strong finally. Thanks B
Seems that I've suddenly become a well-know bachellor in my world as well. The cougars are starting to circle. These are my kinds of problems! Tricky, but beats rejection any day!
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
Techguy Got to love the cougars. Have to admit I am having fun getting out. Given me lots of confidence which seems to rub off in other asspects of my life. I have gotten so used to wearing nicer clothes that I don't like wearing my t shirts and jeans any more. And a nice modern cologne does wonders. This GAL is great fun. Next is my own place then the moon.:) The X called me again today. Asked if I was coming by today to pick up some of my stuff. Told her no, that the soonest I could get there would be Tues. Funny to her the pause in her voice as she tried to figure out why I wasn't chomping at the bit to come out. I think when I put her off like that she gets a bit confused and doesn't know how to take it. When I don't jump to her every need she doesn't know what to do. She has been so used to me doing everything and anything that she wanted. Now the power, if you want to call it that, is in my court. Odd to see how this all works. Once you have that "ah ha" momment things start to take a different path. Hopefully the one that leads to the goal that the other not so effective paths had in mind. I wish I would have had that 2x4 hit me months ago. But no use living in the past. I think I have "got it" and will keep going from here. My hope is X will see all this, become curious and maybe have a softening of the heart towards me. If not I going to make somebody a great "man". Have a great weekend. B
Strange day for me today. Today is the day I am to go out and start moving my stuff out of the house. X called this morning to set up the time. I have no expectation of her as to what will go on whil I am out there. However, I expect that I act confident, dress well, smell great and treat her with the up most respect. The key to that is getting my anxiety under control. I thought I was at a point where I could go out there and not get upset. Not there yet. I have no desire to see her or even be at the house. If the stuff I am getting today wasn't somethings I need I think I could walk away from it and never return there again. I hope that she does see the positives and changes. Even though I am dating and have one gal that I really like I would love to work on a new M with X. Hope that is in the cards. But as I have said before, no expectations. I have a new found confidence that has changed my outlook. If she decides to work on a new M great if not, its not the end of the world. Will have to post when I get home tonight. B
I know what you are doing is difficult for you. I will be thinking about you sending you good thoughts! You have come so far and you really can do it. Good plan to look and smell good and have a great attitude, even if you have to fake it.
V. thanks for stopping by. Always nice to hear from ya.
Went over to the house last night as planned. X had most of the stuff from the office packed up for me before I got there. Thanked her for that. She was fairly upbeat, I on other had was very quiet. Not wanting to show any emotion at all. Just get in, and get the stuff out. That is pretty much how it happened. When I was done loading up she gave me my mail. Asked if I wanted to file taxes with her,(hell yes), so I said I did. We claim the kennel and the farm. For me not to be able to do that I would be paying the IRS for years. So one happy thing she did for me. She also asked if I wanted to go see the new lambs. Sure, why not. (I didn't want to see them, I knew that it would make me want to be back there again) So we went out and saw them. Always love the lil lambs, have to be the cuttest. We said our goodbyes, no hug from me. By the look she gave me that was a shock. She asked if I wanted to come by Thurs to get some more. Guess I will. So I felt like crap on the way home. Was upset with myself for not being more upbeat with X. Upset by the whole thing, how much I wanted this M to work and this seems to be th pie in the face time. So I txt X, first time in four weeks, told her "sorry if I seemed a bit queit, don't think I am mad or ungreatful for your help, I am just trying to do this with as little emotion as possible, thanks for your help". She sent me a txt back telling me "No problem :)" Ugh. I still want this woman. I hope this "leaving" helps in coming together, giving her her space etc. Thinking about this i ended up bawling my eyes out all the way home. I thought I was over the crying part. Thought I have moved into the more idepenant mode. So I guess it didn't go too bad, but at the same time I don't think it went as well as it could have. Do I dare ask her if she wants to do dinner when I go over ther Thurs ot let her ask me when or if she ever becomes ready? B
