Haven't been around for awhile, well actively posting anyway.
Question for anyone whose up to it: If 2 people are working on their marriage, ie. living apart but doing things together, staying overnight at each other's houses and going on some trips whether work related or play,,,would you show solidarity in wearing your wedding ring?
I feel it is important to wear the ring in support and respect for the marriage, your spouse and for what the ring stands for. My H does not feel that way, in fact he won't even tell me where the ring is and sometimes says that he hasn't been able to find it. This disturbs me since there are now 2 rings lost that I gave him back in July of 07'. When H said he didn't want a D and wanted to work on our M I put my ring back on,,I was the one who had him served w/D papers last year around this time.
H keeps saying that he has done everything that I have asked of him,,which for me cannot be as important as this,,putting the ring back on and moving into my house(I have new one he has old one).
For me this is a real deal breaker and even H has said, 'we need to sh!) or get off the pot', which I agree but I told him that I will NOT go back to that house b/c of too many bad memories, wanted to start over. I also said 'absolutely not' to living together with the notion that we are roommates, not wearing our wedding rings and 'giving it a try' attitude when I have sooo much to lose in this deal.
I guess i'm still having a hard time trusting and taking a leap of faith when my future is on the line! This house is my only egg in the basket while he has many on his own but he wants ours to stay separate.
Any thoughts guys???
Kim
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
A definite yes to wearing the ring. My H has made a habit of taking it off when angry, when we were living together. When separated he took it off and on. Partly due to my "rule" that one can't talk about working on the R without it. Everytime he tried o talk to me about getting back together and working on the R I pointed out to the lack of a ring on his finger. I have been tempted to take it off too, but until there is a D, I consider myself M. By insisting on the ring being on during any discussion about the M, it became a symbol that it was meant to be. Others on the board suggested that when he was taking it off and on that it was a sign that he was working through his emotions. I on the other hand, have never taken it off. There are others who say it doesnt' mean anything but it really depends on you. If it is important and a deal breaker - he knows that and has to make a decision.
ABout the house, is it possible to find a new one? You both may need neutral ground. Sounds like there are other issues going on that need to be resolved?
Could you both try to pretend you are just starting out?
