Hi MWG, breton, glam and NG--- My patience is wearing a little thin again. It is so strange because when my H and I spend time together like last weekend, I really feel like we are reconnecting but then he can go days without talking to me. He had told me this week was going to be extremely busy for him and I did receive texts from him everyday this week except yesterday...but I feel like if we were truly reconnecting, then he would want to talk to me everyday even if he was busy. I feel like he has such a fear of recommittment...I wonder if he will ever be able to work through it.
Originally Posted By: Nature Girl
So did your H acknowledge that he didn't show up to court and the D is dismissed?
The dismissal was actually anti-climactic...there were no epiphanies or talks of reconciliation. In fact, I had to ask my H if he had gone to court that day. He told me he didn't go. I asked what that meant and he told me that the D would be dismissed. There was a little more discussion about whether or not it would be dismissed for sure but I didn't not ask him what it all means for him. I know in my H's mind, we are working on things so I just left it at that.
Nothing about this situation is playing out like anything I could have ever imagined...and I doubt there will ever be any movie-like moments where my H decisively reconnects with me and we live happily ever after. I will just be happy IF things evolve to us truly reconnecting and we continue to work at being happy together.
The best advice I can give you is smile and nod when h is talking and then use the c sessions for anything you need to get out.
I hear what you are saying, but I think it was actually very positive for us to have a talk without the C. My H really did think the conversation was good...like C just without the C there. And isn't the point of C to learn new ways of constructively communicating with each other?
...but I feel like if we were truly reconnecting, then he would want to talk to me everyday even if he was busy.
Your above statement I don't think is true. My h has made great strides, but still doesn't talk with me everyday.
I just think your h like mine get so involved with their work that they lose the concept of time. All of a sudden the day ends and they look around and say what the he!! happened to the day. Oh I forgot to call w today.
Your h has come a long way. Give him credit for what he is accomplishing now even though it's at a snails pace nor is it at a pace that we would like.
Hang in there, you are doing good. Look around you, many lives and families are crashing. At least we both have some positives with our h's.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Yes Upside if the conversations are going good then absolutely continue them without c present. That comment was more from my own perspective. My h is NOT as far along as your h with acceptance of R talks and I can't have any deep convos with him yet or he goes scurrying towards the cave.
If they just start going sideways then just smile and nod and save that for c on neutral ground.
You know your h best!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
upside Your H behavior may not seem normal in a regular world but in MLC world it seems to be the norm from what ive read here so the slowness of his recommittment is natural b/c he is still in the tunel you cant make him come out so he gives you all he can and is showing movement so you still have to focus on you gal and PMA and i know you do hang in it will take what it takes, but hopefully you M will be saved and better than before
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You have been doing so well....keep it up. Peace, as usual, offers some great advice. Your H's behavior is normal in MLC land. Like everything else in the MLC world, it has to be on his timeline, not yours.
But your situation seems so positive and I continue to say prayers for you.
Hi glam, peace, millicent and breton- My H came over to my house for dinner on Saturday. While he was here, we were watching some TV and in the program one of the characters was in C so during a commercial I asked my H how his IC went last week. So he told me what he and the C talked about. He said they talked about issues my H has with me dealing with my XH and his W. He is now saying that had an effect on our M. He also talked about how a long time ago I told him how to load the dishwasher and he thought I talked to him like I talked to the kids. I told him I was sorry that he felt that way. He said he doesn't want to me to apologize...he just wants to know that I hear him and accept him for who he is. I tried to tell him that I do hear him and I don't know what more I can do to show him that I accept him for who he is. I told him he seems to keep coming up with new issues and I asked if we were ever going to get beyond all of this stuff. My H told me that he thinks he is getting close. Is he???
Last night H went to a concert with me, my D and some of her friends. My H and I had seen this band in concert several years ago and I thought he enjoyed them but last night my H sat there the whole night making comments about the band not being that good, that some of the songs sound the same, blah, blah, blah. I know some of his comments were just him trying to be funny and I need to accept him for who he is BUT at times he was a little obnoxious and I just wanted to enjoy the concert. So will I always just have to accept him for who he is and my thoughts and feelings will be ignored?
glam, peace & millicent--You are right, I do need to keep looking at the progress...albeit slow, it is there. Thanks for reminding me.
breton, I don't really initiate phone calls or texts with my H and I agree that I mixing it up can be a good thing. But, we are told here that if something doesn't work, then try something different. What I have been doing does seem to be working...extremely slowly, but there is progress so I am not sure if I should change anything. I have wondered if I wasn't always available, if it would help speed up the process. I really think a lot of what my H is going through stems from his insecurities...so if that is is the case, wouldn't my consistancy help him feel safe?
I agree, no thanks to being a booty call. When my H was really cycling, I used to wonder if I was but he seems to be getting closer to me so I don't think I have to worry about that too much anymore...I hope!!!
Thanks for your thoughts...your support means so much to me.
Up - I understand what you are saying about how we need to accept them but possibly ignore our feelings in the process. I'm sure it is a balancing act...but I have struggled between keeping the peace and not being a doormat.
When you figure out the magic formula, let me know!
