This may sound morbid, but I have been thinking through all the life events that are affected by divorce. I wonder about what usually happens when people divorce (or separate permanently) and one of them dies. Does the other person come to the funeral? If not, how do the kids feel about it?
I think this is one of those ideations everyone has, not morbid, just from the dark part of normal. Sort of like suicide, almost everyone thinks "what would they do if I turned my own hand?"
If the children are young, I would say definitely to support them, and if they are adult you discuss it with them. The answer to this question depends on the situation. If it is a deceased ex-spouse, you may want/need closure.
I always attend a funeral to support the family that is left behind, or if it was someone close to me, to have the closure as well as seeing the family.
LE, thanks for replying. I too believe in attending funerals of anyone I was close to, just for closure, and I think it is important to talk to the kids about it. I was just hoping to hear other opinions (like yours) on what seems normal.
Yeah I wish more people would chime in on this too. My MIL is on the way out and that will be a prickly situation if OM is still in the picture. Although I think W doesn't feel enough people know about him, so she doesn't want to throw reality on her A by bringing him to something as family oriented and personal as a funeral. Hopefully, MIL will live a few more years and this will be a non-issue, but it is something I have thought about.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
I was thinking about your thread. A death in the family is always a difficult time but I think that if one of my XPIL died I'd def. go to the funeral if I was still in the city/country. I don't think that a D means you stop being a family. It just changes the dynamics. I know it would be difficult if my x was remarried but I'd still go to the funeral even if just to pay respect to a person who was a part of my life for so long.
I do agree however that a OW or OM shouldn't go to the funeral if you're still M. However if you're D then I guess as hard as it would be they have the right to go too.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks, Jen. What you are saying does make sense, although it may be hard to implement because you face all the people who think you are the evil one (being on the other spouse's side of the family).
