OK Amy, I have started my own thread about you! LOL I know you are more low-key and don't keep an active thread, but this is mine and anyone can talk on it! I don't claim an ownership to these! LOL So, AMY, let me know what's going on with my favorite Virginia girl!
Things are going well braveheart. I have actually been working on writing my story down since my original threads only date back so far. It's going slowly because although I am still in touch with how I felt back then, in MLC and upon getting hurled outta the tunnel, the things I've learned and the ways in which I've grown and changed leave my words "less" somehow...I can't explain it.
It's also just hard in general to go back and write it all again.
It seems like a million years ago.
Then again, sometimes not so much.
At any rate, since dropping the almost-new guy (who did not take it so well and showed some serious tendencies towards becoming my second official stalker) I somehow accidently stumbled upon this new place of peace.
Does it hurt to look back and reflect on some of the things you did/said, etc.?
I know you have moved forward but this is such a major life-changing event that can take years.
Just curious.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
"It's also just hard in general to go back and write it all again.
It seems like a million years ago.
Then again, sometimes not so much."
I find this frustrating.. to just go back and "wing" it.
I know in starting to write it out.. I will leave something out.
Also.. I have a "stubby" pencil.
And.. if I can...
"Does it hurt to look back and reflect on some of the things you did/said, etc.?"
No. It just becomes hard to explain it. It is hard to explain.. cause that thought is not "with" me any more.
"I know you have moved forward but this is such a major life-changing event that can take years."
Life comes in baby steps.. so it gets hard to analyze. If you are there in the moment.. you can describe it. The answer comes.. when you look back on it.
Trust the answer.. not the moment.
Even if someone sees it different.. strive to understand why they see it different.
Sorry AmyC...
This one just "Hit" me.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Does it hurt to look back and reflect on some of the things you did/said, etc.? Absolutely. If I get in a mindset where I'm thinking about the ways in which I treated & spoke to my husband it still makes me cry and it still makes me want to throw up. The difference is that those feelings don't bind me like they once did.
I know you have moved forward but this is such a major life-changing event that can take years. I have moved forward past the guilt, shame and self-punishment for sure. And you are right. It's taken almost as long to complete the walk OUT of the tunnel (MLC) than I spent actually IN the tunnel. I chose the long route though. Some might choose the short one, which does not include accountability to the people who were harmed.
My H is still living with OW but he tells me every so often that he wishes he could erase all of the stuff he has done. It is like he is paralyzed! The guilt he said he carries inside of him is overwhelming and no one can know what it is like unless they have been in his shoes.
I think it is easy for those of us on the outside to say, well then get out of the mess and do the right thing but it is like they cannot do it--yet.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I understand what he's talking about regarding guilt.
The weight of it CAN paralyze a person - but so can indecision, which is probably the most prevalent culprit at this point.
Between that and fear, guilt and shame, reaching out in an effort to discover HOW to build a bridge BACK is almost unfathomable to a walk-away spouse.
Besides the much needed tools you get from here and other sites like it, specific prayer against those very obstacles is your best weapon of OFFENSE. I say "offense" because you are the woman that has the God-given right to stand. That's powerful.
Brandnewday has the best testimony here proving that prayer works and it can indeed change everything.
