Darned if he does, darned if he don't

[Kelly23]

I am not sure where to post this so I guess this is as good a place as any.
Am I the only one that asks spouse for something and when I get it, I still am not satisfied? Husband had an affair, says it is over and wants to make it work. I am hesitantly giving it a try. We have been going to counseling and working on us. One of my complaints in counseling has been his lack of intimacy, not sex, just touching. Well, he is trying to touch me more but is overdoing it. When he does touch me, the first thing that comes in my mind is, "You are just doing this because I want you to, not because you want to." So basically, he is doing what I asked and it still pisses me off. Am I the only one that does this type of stuff?

[Concerned_Listener]

Kelly,
This is how change starts--doing something because we have to. Then, it starts to click in as something we naturally enjoy.

I began dancing with my W because she asked me to. My first year was horrible--I looked and felt awkward. It's taken me three years to become confident.

You need to be careful. If you want your H to touch you, you better make it something he will want to continue.

If you don't want him to touch you right now, because you're angry about other things, than you need to be honest with him and yourself. You don't want to punish a good thing.

CL

[Kelly23]

I just wonder if I will ever be happy with him again. When we are in public or in front of the kids, he has his hands all over me, kissing and pampering me. When we get in the bed together, he rolls over and goes to sleep. It is starting to piss me off.
I really do not like the person he has become. He is irritable and always wants more..a new car, expensive clothes, etc. I guess I have run out of patience with all his MLC symptoms. I am sick of dealing with it.

[Kelly23]

Things have been the same. The MC kept telling him that he needs to ask me if I want to talk about things, even when he does not want to talk. This will let me get things off my chest and deal with things as they are bothering me. We went about a week and he never said a word. Now I have gotten to the point that when he does ask, I am so angry and pissed that I say no. I can feel all of the anger building up again. I am tensing up when he touches me.
I thought I was over worrying but found out I am not. I logged in to our bank account online to make sure we had enough money to buy tires for my car. It was a day he was off work and I saw that he had gotten money out of the teller on the bank on the other side of town, close to her house. I was at work when I logged in and all day long I could not think about anything else. This is the only thing he has done since he said they were through but it worried me so much. I am so sick of the affair controlling my life.

[saffie]

Personally Kelly, if you are in piecing I think you should be comunicating. You should be able to tel him about the bank withdrawal thing....wirhout getting angry. You shoul be acle to tell him it makes you feel insecure.

I kicked back at my H loads after his A. Look at my sig line to get an idea of time scales. I still kick back at him occasionally....but now I do it more in a jokey way. Your trust was betrayed and the balance in your R completely destroyed. It takes quite a long time to get it back. Piecing is VERY HARD

[Kelly23]

Hi Saffie,
I did ask him about the bank location. He told me that he was just driving around. I was calm and talked about how things like this really set me back on the fear path again. He just blew it off.

This is much harder than I feel like I have the strength for. I really want to give up.

[saffie]

Is giving up easier? Think through the ramifications.

Do you rally love him still? For me, however hard it got, the love brought me through it all. Without that I would not have made it.

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

[Kelly23]

Do I love him? Yes and always will. Do I like him? Not really. He is not the man I married and I do not like being treated this way. Right now, I am staying for the kids, not really for me. I cannot believe I have allowed someone to crush me yet I still live in the same house with him. I think maybe that is part of it. Our daughter knows and every day I think about how I am letting her think she can be treated this way one day and it is okay. When did I become trash for him to step on and then think he could have his life back the way it was?

[Kelly23]

Husband is on vacation starting today for a week. He works nights so I can basically ignore the situation usually. Not this week. I am sure we will end up talking about things this week and I am not sure if I am in the mood. Well, I would be in the mood if he said what I wanted to hear but I am sure that will not happen.

We have not had sex in so long that I cannot even remember when it was. I want to scream at him because no matter what else I do, he does not even seem to be listening anymore.

We do not talk. We are not intimate. I take care of everything, kids included. Every day I wonder why I am keeping him around. Why should he try harder? He has his cake and is eating it too.

[Kelly23]

I am sick and stayed home from work today. Husband barely spoke to me at all. We have become so distant that I am not sure how to reconnect again. He wants us to go out tomorrow night without the kids.
What do I do? What should I say? How do I reconnect with him?