I do check in almost daily here to read the around 20 posters I've been following, just haven't done much posting of my own.
With the exception of yesterday, where people around me seemed to be imploding right & left, it's been fairly quiet.
My H has been admittedly grumpy for the last week or so, says it has nothing to do with me though. "It's a lot of things,... work, holidays, this." Doing my best to ignore it. I did let him know I find the way he answers the phone lately to be abrupt & rather than "what's up", I would prefer just a hello.
The holidays are still going to be spent separately, I have no interest in repeating last year's pretend gathering with OW waiting for him to 'finish' up here & leave.
Still really positive & notice that when I do regress, I recover quickly & move on. Definitely have this site to thank for that.
Wishing you all a Happy Holiday & Merry Christmas.
Hey Miss Gypsy....here's to a great 2009' for all of us!
The holiday's went well, with minimal contact between us other than Christmas Eve & day.
I told him right before the holiday's that I wanted to get going on the legal aspects, as I'm sure he does as well, & he should serve me. By his response, it didn't sound like he was really that eager afterall. "Uh, yeah, how about a week after the new year."
So, I was cruising right thru until we got to New Year's eve. He was supposed to have my nephew & S5 for the night, but ended up dropping them off @ my mother's house @ 10pm. Said he wanted to go surfing early, hope she didn't mind ;-)
I drove by his house when I got the message at midnight. No one home.
I left this message, "Wow, this kind of behavior from a grown man is stunning. To wake the kids up & haul them over to my mom's so you could go be with a woman shows incredible lack of character & disrespect for other's. I went by your house to see that you weren't home. I don't have anything else to say, except please don't try & get the boys tomorrow when you finish up pleasing yourself & are ready for their company when it suits you."
The phone calls started coming when he turned on his phone on. He showed up in front of my mother's house, begging to talk to her & apologize, after she told him she didn't appreciated being lied to & played for a fool.
Anyway, they talked for an hour on the phone when she didn't let him in (1st time they ever really had a conversation in 9 years).
So, he got an earful from Ms Easygoing that he didn't expect. When he said the OW started out as an affair, she asked him what is it now....still an affair.
It sounded like a productive exchange with him asking her if she thought we had a chance to have a successful marriage.
Nothing's changed on my end, as far as only contact for the kids, etc., & only if absolutely necessary. Something's changed for him it seems, I just don't want to spend any time trying to figure out what. If he has come to a different awareness, it's going to take a lot more than subtle hints to get my attention.
I was looking for you...didnt really know what to expect to read here. Anyway, first of all Happy New Year Sunny!! I hope we all get a break this year...
Can you sense something has changed? I remember sensing it too and at first refusing to recognise it. I wonder what the next months will bring you... Love always K
Happy New Year Sunny...if a bit belated. Looks like things are mostly good for you. Glad to see that you have learned the important lessons from this whole experience and are not wavering in your path. It seems that H has not really emerged from whatever fog he is in and is still in me, me, me mode...if with some occational shocks that bring him a bit closer to reality.
I completely agree that unless he directly comes back and really takes responsiblity for his actions and the damage that has been done, there is no basis for a future R. Until then...keep on living your life for you!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Had a nice post ready that just drifted into the atmosphere, so I'll do a condensed version in it's place.
I had a feeling something had changed. Today H wanted to talk. Said it doesn't look like either one of us wants to D or we would have done it by now. He would have served me, or I would have pushed it to happen.
Please just answer one question, do you at this point want me to serve you.
Instead of answering that, I told him I wouldn't continue with status quo, & every week that he disrespects our R, it further chips away at our M.
He says he knows that & it will definitely not go on like this if I say I don't want to D. He's in the eye of a hurricane & is trying to make his way out.
After a few other thing's were said, I told him I would agree not to be served, if this isn't just more of the same. If it is, then serve me, because I'm not sticking around for that kind of life. He assured me that it is not more of the same, could I please be patient, he can't say anything else right now.
It is when you completely turn around, let them go & head out, that they know you're serious & pay attention, just like so many on here tell you.
We'll see where we go.....in the mean time I'm going to enjoy my life & be grateful every day for what I have, with or without him.
I am glad I checked... A few months ago I would have said WOW! Heck, I'll say it still WOW!!
Funny how this man, even in the last minute, cant say "I DONT WANT TO D, I WANT YOU" and asks if you like to be served or not? (How does the lady wishes her tea served?) If you dont get this control issue "fixed" you are heading for an even more interesting life in the future...
Sunny, I admire you for your strength and attitude. I hope that this man deserves you. It's sad how so many of them need to really see us "walk away" before they sit down and have a reality check with themselves... Love, xxx M
Been thinking about you this week (oh happy day!!!!), and stop by for the first time in a loooong time, and look what's going on! I'll channel all my positive vibes your way....you sound very grounded, very strong...
Thanks for stopping by & sending some positive vibes my way! (((L)))
""It's sad how so many of them need to really see us "walk away" before they sit down and have a reality check with themselves...""(Kalni)
Well K,
It looks like he didn't take me seriously when I said I wasn't agreeing to "more of the same."
He backed right into it, telling me just enough to keep me thinking something was about to change. I had a deadline in my mind, and after he came by to P/U S5 for dinner & asked me to get copies of my tax documents to him ASAP, I just moved it up a little. Funny, I've never done it that way before, always just gave him the completed worksheet sometime in March. Looks like he was looking forward to taking advantage of filing together again.
When I handed off the booster seat & spotted his overnight bag in the car, it let me know his calling on Saturday night & early Sunday morning was just another fake-out so I'd think he'd stopped seeing the OW. Nope, just changed it to a Sunday night & is now staying at her place instead of his.
Wasn't quite what I had in mind when I said status quo was not acceptable.
So, this is it. I allowed this to continue too long & it's not happening any longer. I let him know that I would like to be served & move along sooner rather than later. We'll do the kid exchange at the front door & please stay out of my house. I'm done with the disrespect & BS. Finished.
It looks like I was on my own with taking the personal inventory. I'll never regret getting to that place, or this place where I've learned so much.... mostly about myself.
