One year aniversary of my divorce.

[Nugget]

Nugget, you and I don't really know each other, but it seems to me that your W and you have a thing going on already?

I can't tell if there is thing going on between us or if she just comes over for the cheap company. Here she can kick back and relax. If she goes to her friends she has to feel like she needs to be attentive. I want to think it is because she actually wants to hang out with me, but the pessimist in me says she is likes the meals and the satellite TV. But, then again it was her friends B-Day today and her friend was burning up her phone texting her, trying to get my wife to come over, yet she chose to spend it with me at the pool today.

you are telling her she is beautiful and calling her nicknames?

Yes, I started this about a month ago. At first she was very thrown off guard. Now she seems to be ok with it and responding well. It has become 2nd nature to me.

you are already flirting with her.

No, not really. I am not sure how. I am afraid that I am going to offend her or she is not going to react to it well. Any tips???

Another thought - find new stuff to discover, and find ways to include her. This brings back the newness. New restaurants. New places to visit. Start playing the guitar. Whatever. Newness is the thing. Discovering new stuff with someone is one thing that builds attraction.

I agree with you completely. We are in a rut. We are doing the same activities that we did when we were married. Nothing new and exciting to spark that needed interest in each other. Just mundane routine. I have got to find some type of recreational activity outside the home for us.

just a couple ideas. good luck to you.

Thank you so much for your words. I greatly appreciate them.

[SirPrizeMe]

We are in a rut. We are doing the same activities that we did when we were married. Nothing new and exciting to spark that needed interest in each other. Just mundane routine. I have got to find some type of recreational activity outside the home for us.

Dancing? Can you do stuff without her? Wouldn't it be great to tell her, oh, yeah my salsa dancing partner class is tonight, so I won't be around. Not to push her away, just to add some spice and liveliness to the picture.

Maybe take up running or biking. take a kayak tour. golf lessons. tennis. just go and do stuff. find people who will drag your hump out and force you to do stuff. Eventually she will be attracted to all the activity and fun. I'm not saying "do stuff that excludes her", I'm saying, do it on your own first, discover it and see if she is attracted inward.

what if the next time she came over you had a frozen drink maker or some other kitchen toy - something to play with. Something to DO that is different?

just some ideas.
Rooting for you.

oh, and one last thought (maybe this is more for me than for you): patience. it took a while to get where you are. It will take a while to get somewhere else.

[Nugget]

Great ideas. Thank you so much. You got my wheels a turning. I know that there are things that she would like to start doing, but if I bring them up she will not be very responsive. I agree with your idea of doing it on my own first to further generate her interest. I know once I start she will come on board. I did not see the benefit of this concept until I just read it in your post. I have already did this once and did not realize it. Before we got divorced I told her we should join a gym. She told me she did not want to. I thought nothing of it and went and joined anyway. After I had gone a few times, she began to show interest. Soon we were both going several times a week. We stopped going once she moved further away.

oh, and one last thought (maybe this is more for me than for you): patience. it took a while to get where you are. It will take a while to get somewhere else.

That is one thing that I beginning to understand a lot better. Thank you for the reminder. Time and patience are my biggest ally. This I know from experience.

[SirPrizeMe]

There ya go, that sounds like some good thinking. Go camping or backpacking - go to a concert or to see a band. There are zillions of ideas. That approach will work.

AND, if you pick the right activity, it's a double win, because you're gonna have a blast doing it anyway.