I've talked to the coaches, read the books, nothing helped. nothing. mainly because I think that I enabled her bad behavior...never said, "Wait, what the H is going on here and why are you acting this way and who is the guy you are talking to and whatever else your doing with him?" Last straw was when I caught her at his house at midnight while I was working a 24 hour shift.....now, how does one deal with that? There's only one way in my mind. Send her packing. There are too many nice people out there who are mature and responsible. sorry.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
NCPlayer, I don't get the point of you coming here on this forum. Was it to tell us WAW's off? Want to tell us to go to h*ll? If it will make you feel better........whatever. But, you know what? In most cases, it is not all one-sided when a M fails. It is very obvious and everyone can point fingers when one has had an A. But then the public doesn't always know what goes on behind closed doors.....now do they?
We don't pretend to be right in what we did, but I dare say that if you came on this forum to be ugly to the WAW's.....you may get more than you bargin for. Then again, maybe you just are a bitter LBH that needed to vent. Well, we are use to that, too.
It doesn't take much courage for a LBS to come to a DB board as the majority and tell how wronged they been done. They will get all kind of comfort from other LBS. But try to be the minority that most people here do not have any love for what-so-ever and see how it feels.
We come here and choose to stay here in order to help somebody save a marriage. Yes, we tell the awful and embarassing things we have done......if that will tell a husband what he is doing wrong or what he needs to do right, that he isn't. We bare our souls to try to help other people understand, as best we can, the mind of a WAW. We do all of this in order to help people save their marriages. But people like you.......they don't want to save their M. They don't want to work. It is easier to just........what was it you said?......."send her packing".......
I had to go back and edit so I could delete some things I said. Because you see, it could be your loss that you did not at least try to save your M. You probably will find another woman.....and very quickly b/c you will "rebound" and some day you will wake up and realize you are not in love with that woman and wish to God that you had tried to bust a divorce with the one you truly loved. I'm sorry that you won't at least try. Go ahead and blame her. She will get use to all the finger pointing and taking the blame.......but you will loose her forever. I hope you will think it over very carefully and ask yourself how valuable she is to you. If she isn't anything to you anymore, then go ahead and "send her packing". She may be the one to come out for the better.
So.......guess I just wanted to "vent" back.
Last edited by sandi2; 08/25/0804:32 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Nc - i'm sure of very little at the moment but one thing i know is that if you want your wife back you have to forgive her continuously and be very patient.
Telling her what she can and can't do will achieve nothing
