- She used to complain that I didn’t do anything around the house, so for the last month I have been doing the laundry, cooking and straitening up as much as I can. She has actually complained that I am doing too much and would feel better if she was allowed to do her share. But when I back off, she doesn’t seem to take an interest in doing anything at all now. Clothes and dishes just pile up and nothing gets done. Should I let things pile up for a bit or just continue to do what needs to be done? Is she testing me?
- She still walks around the house without any clothes on (coming out of shower, etc.). She is a beautiful woman and still drives me crazy at the sight of her. Should I ask her to stop or just try to ignore it? Why is she doing this if she doesn’t want to be physical with me at this point?
- She is constantly texting the OM in the next room or she will say she needs to go out to car at 12 AM in the morning. I am trying to not even acknowledge his existence. I feel responsible for driving her off into this R due to my previous actions and the fact that I basically neglected her for the last 2 years (We have been together for 19). Should I continue to ignore it or should I ask her to try and keep a lower profile while I am around. I often wonder if she is trying to make me feel jealous... I don’t think that is a productive way of doing things.
- Finally, I have been sleeping on the couch, but she knows that the couch can be very uncomfortable. She has asked me if I wanted to sleep in the bed with her but I am to “stay on my side”. Fortunately, our 90 lb dog has no problem lying in the middle between us. Should I accept that offer or continue to stay on the couch?
All in all we are slowly becoming friends again, but I know that her negative feelings can rear up with out any warning at all. It is as if she realizes she is being nice to me and then will suddenly shut down or say something very mean.
This is truly the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. Thanks in advance for any advice or insight into what is happening here.
Better than bad~ First I am sorry you are here, but welcome! Your sitch is really a tough place to be and I am sorry you are going through what you are.
I was your wife not so long ago...and I admire you for stepping up to the plate and making some attempts to listen to what she is asking for. You are "here"....so you are trying.
Have you talked with a DB coach? If not, I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend it....mine has helped me out soooooo much! Her name is Jodi and she is just truly amazing! the first step to fixing any R/M is trying to decrease any negative feelings...be her friend...nothing more/nothing less...it freaking sucks arss, but it's the first step, and if there is hostility or anger...how can you rebuild a R let alone a M?
That being said...couches suck...but, take the high road...Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? What do you want right at this moment, or what do you want in the long run? Think long term goals here.
She is seeking out the OM because he is giving her something you are not...the question is what...more than likely it is some type of attention. Read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman...find out which one is hers...then use it to your advantage.
I'm sorry I didn't read back into your sitch, so if you have read it I'm sorry to repeat! Have you read DB/DR? There are also a ton of other great reading resources out there.
Baby steps my friend..each baby step will take you a centimeter closer than you were before.
What are your 180's? What are your goals? What are you doing to GAL?
This is a tough place to be...but there are so many awesome people to help guide and support you....
I walked away from pretty much where you and your wife are right now...fix it! It's worth it! Trust me
(((Better than bad)))) that's a virtual hug 2 you!!
questions, comments, anything...just ask,
good luck, christarn
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I am trying. I guess my main issue trying to read her every thought. She probably is as confused as I am about everything at this time, huh.
But she is worth it all in the long run. And I needed to change some major stuff in my life for my own peice of mind. It just seems like everything hits at once!
Thanks for hug and I am glad I didnt get to read that deleted post hehe
"I am trying. I guess my main issue trying to read her every thought. She probably is as confused as I am about everything at this time, huh. "
Don't try to read into anything...you will drive yourself crazy. Also, believe nothing you hear and only 50% of what you see...it's a great rule of thumb!
"But she is worth it all in the long run"
What an awesome attitude...GREAT job!!!
"Thanks for hug and I am glad I didnt get to read that deleted post hehe "
No problem for the hugs...we all need them around here! I am so happy you didn't read what the other poster wrote...we will just leave it at that!
Keep up your great attitude; post as much as you need to...even if it is just to vent/journal!
We are all here to help/support/encourage each other!
take care hugs 2 you christarn
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
