Any expert DBrs here that can lend me an ear and some advice on my sitch which is rapidly eroding along with my emotional well-being and mental health?
Scott, I wish I had miracle words for you but I don't. She is in her fog and that is where she will stay until she finally accepts reality. As far as the money goes, you could handle it one of two ways 1) write a check out to the people she says she owes and mail it to them and then deduct that from what her child support would be or 2) give her the child support money and when it is gone it is gone, no more coming from you. If she can't handle that tell her you would gladly keep the girls or split time so there wouldn't need to be child support from your end anyway.
As far as the divorce, I feel your pain. I am in the same place. I can't stop it and have accepted that it will happen(probably in the next few days for me) but don't use that as a reason to stop working on you and getting yourself in a better place. This is about you and the girls now, your W is spending enough time on herself for the both of you.
Hugs
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So why did YOU move out if SHE wanted the D? I really don't get why some people are so accomodating. When my H filed, he was the one who moved out. There was no way I was going to leave my home or children!!! Also, you had a good excuse for being the one to stay in the house. You needed to work on it and get it ready to sell for the D. This way you could get more money for it and she'd have more as well (always make everything sound like you are doing this for their advantage.. even if you aren't!!! Just make it *sound* like it's in their favor...)
You asked in a previous post how going dark will help. I'll tell you how it will help...
It will help YOU detach. That's what you need to do. It may help avoid situations where she's trying to needle you into an angry state to help justify what she's doing. Every negative interaction only makes it easier for her to divorce you. Until you are CERTAIN you can be around her without getting angry or reacting... no matter what she says or does (even if it's wrong, crazy or mean), then you are best going dark.
As far as the D, my advice to you is to drag your feet as much as possible. That's what I did!!! Every time my H or atty called, or asked if I got some paperwork done, I'd just say, "Oh yeah, I only just got that in the mail.... I'm working on it... just waiting for such as such information... sheesh!!! I'm sorry but I've been too busy... getting my nails done, hanging out at Starbucks, who has time for this stuff!!!?
Actually, I did tell my atty I wanted to go as slow as possible on everything. And sometimes I'd just say to my H, "Hey relax sweetie, in 6 months this will all be over and we'll both be happily on our way! (Fat chance.... I was prepared to drag it out for years! ).
Regarding the money... I'd go with number 2. Let her handle her own financial affairs. She's a big girl. Also, only give the amount you are required to give and no more. Apologize, outline all your bills (and inflate them), and tell her you WISH you could help her futher. But rent, air conditioning, electricity, etc... it's expensive! Tell her it will all work out... and then leave ASAP.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I did try to drag it out as much as I could. His L at pre-trial acted like I was such a horrible person for not wanting a divorce. My own L couldn't understand why I would want such a snake in the grass. Thing is, I don't want the snake, I want my H.
Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oftentimes divorce lawyers want to make their money, so they tend to encourage distrust and negativity. I have heard plenty of stories, and I also saw this with my own lawyer. From what I've heard and read, divorce lawyers usually do what they can to keep the ball rolling. Expect it. Unfortunately, your H probably doesn't realize how he's being encouraged, and even possibly manipulated, to go through with this.
I never did let my H or L know that I didn't "want the D." The only thing I'd say was that I'd "prefer having my family together, but I'll be fine either way." And the dragging out. Well, I just acted too dumb or too busy to get things completed in a timely manner.
Sorry about your D Kat. Hang in there...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
).