Chris, Nice to hear from you! I'm glad things are working out for you...don't take anything for granted though and address the root causes that led you to the sitch in the first place. As if you didn't already know that!
Anyhow, I have already moved on in so many ways that the whole legal process feels a bit redundant. The impact on W of course will be much more severe due to the financials.
I am not sure that she will ever admit that she has done anything wrong in this whole mess and in any event, I have no desire to ever be with her again.
She has been trying to be nicer lately (even before our convo), but that is always short lived. She has been going to the kids soccer practices and games with us, so at least she is supporting the kids. Not too long ago, even that was too much for her.
Thanks for checking in and good luck to you.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Hi AG, All is quiet on the Eastern Front. We haven't said anything else about it since then and with the kids back in school and my schedule, it's easy to just deal with the daily logistics and leave it at that.
This coming weekend I have my first Olympic dist. race of the fall. This week is threrefore a recovery week in training, which is nice because I have lots of extra energy.
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD-- It was nice to see that Sunny and Chris stopped in - oldies but goodies And to hear the names of Nick, Still, Kat, Nomo....do you hear from them? I think of them often.
Your convo sounded like it went as expected. Have you lined up an IC for the kids? They might need to have an established relationship with someone they feel safe with, as your family moves through this transition....
You are a very strong man. Keep running, and having the focus on you and the littles.
All is quiet on the Eastern Front. We haven't said anything else about it since then and with the kids back in school and my schedule, it's easy to just deal with the daily logistics and leave it at that.
I think you are reaping the benefits of how you prepared for and handled the B. Convo.
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(i) I let her rant and responded with mostly "I'm sorry you feel that way." I hope it helps to diffuse things a bit.
(ii) I also asked her to not decide what I am thinking in advance, but rather to negotiate for what she wants instead.
(iii) It seemed to work somewhat as she did ask for a few specific things after that which I agreed to include in the settlement I am filing.
I think all of the above really helped. The empathy, the willingness to listen and demonstrating that you were listening by including some of her requests in the settlement.
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I was able to maintain a calm, collected demeanor throughout, if with a few tears in my eyes. No anger or accusations from my side.
And probably the most important - it was genuine and you followed your Path With Heart. That is why you were also thinking about the best of times during your M. I am sure W recognized that on some level.
I wonder if W is having second thoughts... She really is a fool if she doesn't try to win you back...
Hi AG, I am well...just super busy. The race went pretty well. I was actually kicking a$$ til about a mile into the run when I started cramping. Turns out I completely zoned on the bike and forgot to hydrate...a very bad idea in the summer in FL! Anyway, I still did OK and learned my lesson for the next race.
Kids are in soccer and karate and back in school and it is the end of our FY at work which means closing out one set of projects, doing employee evaluations, and planning for the next round of projects...whew!
I think without my workouts, I would be completely insane!
At home, all is quiet. W is being sweeter than honey, wanting to do everything possible as a family, going to kids soccer, going out to eat with the whole family, etc. Hopefully, this is more than just an act til she gets the paperwork, but it doesn't really matter.
On that front, I gave the agreed upon markups to the L on Fri. and asked them to go ahead and file and give me the copies that W needs to sign. No word back yet...will have to call tomorrow to check up on them!
Dang, that's already a long update.
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD, wanted to drop in to see how an old friend was doing! I certainly wish you the best of luck with all. Things are much improved in my sitch, but still not quite "there" yet.
This was one of those warm up races for the big race right? When is the big race?
Sounds like you have achieved a level of balance in your life. All of the different aspects of you life are moving forward. Have you and/or W talked to the kids yet about the D?
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At home, all is quiet. W is being sweeter than honey, wanting to do everything possible as a family, going to kids soccer, going out to eat with the whole family, etc. Hopefully, this is more than just an act til she gets the paperwork, but it doesn't really matter.
Do you think she is DB'ing you?
Working out - I was putting off joining a gym. I just won an annual membership to the very gym I was planning on joining at a silent auction at a fundraiser. So finally I will be adding weights to my workout.
"At home, all is quiet. W is being sweeter than honey, wanting to do everything possible as a family, going to kids soccer, going out to eat with the whole family, etc. Hopefully, this is more than just an act til she gets the paperwork, but it doesn't really matter."
I don't know if I understand what you mean by hoping it's more than an act. You mean as far as her R w/the kids, or your post D interactions being friendly, or maybe that it goes smoothly after the papers arrive?
You sure kept up the physical stuff in a big way. I know what you mean about being insane if you had to go without your workouts, they're such a great stress release.
Hi Cliffy! Glad things are mostly in a positive direction in your life...love to hear an update...are you coaching again this year?
AG, Yes, this was a warm-up race. The big fall race is Nov 9th in Miami...should be a blast!
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Have you and/or W talked to the kids yet about the D?
Not yet, this will come soon enough. I need to take some time and review some of the books I bought on this subject. Still not sure exactly what I want to say. "Mom is off her rocker and I gotta get away from her to save my sanity." doesn't really sound quite right does it?
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Do you think she is DB'ing you?
I think there are several possibilities: 1. She is trying to keep things calm while she prepares herself for the big D. 2. She is trying really hard to look good so that I will feel like the bad guy and either not D her or so that she will somehow look better in the D case?! 3. She is trying to convince me not to file? In any case, I don't care anymore...I just want off the merry-go-round!
Glad you got your membership one way or another.
Hi Sunny!
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I don't know if I understand what you mean by hoping it's more than an act. You mean as far as her R w/the kids, or your post D interactions being friendly, or maybe that it goes smoothly after the papers arrive?
What I meant was I hope that she will stay civil through the D and also afterwards...for the kids sake.
As far as working out goes, the endorphins are great for PMA. It also feels good to be getting close to competitive form again. I had forgotten how good it feels to be in great shape.
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
And to hear the names of Nick, Still, Kat, Nomo....do you hear from them? I think of them often.