I hope this is what "peeking" looks like!

[enlightenbylife]

Well, Yesterday would have been our 24th anniversary, and with the help of some very nice people here.

I actually got through it I love you guys!

I called H today to ask him for vacation money. My sister, her daughter and myself are going for 8 days north to visit family that I have not seen since my wedding. They are having a family reunion.(I can't wait! A road trip with girls!)

I asked him for $500.00 and he said sure just take it out of the account. I was so scared to ask but I thought what the heck!

As in my previous post about the summer cottage, I won't be going but H is taking S19. At first it was only for ! week but H called him yesterday and said that thye would be going for 2.

I am so glad. This way both S19 and S21 will be there with him.

Bonding with the kids. There is nothing else to do up there but "bond"

H has also paid for the stain for the deck here. I know he is protecting his investment, the house, but he could have said "no"

Also paying for the all of s19 tuition.

All monies will have to come out this week.

I hope these are all good signs. I'm continuing to GAL. I'm just hoping that by me asking for money is not screwing up any of my dbing rules.

E

[Grace_O]

Asking for what you need or want doesn't mcuk anything up as far as I can see. It's how you respond (esp if you get an answer yu don't like). That's the ticket.

[enlightenbylife]

You're right. I'll remember that.

Oh , and I did thank him for the money.

E

[enlightenbylife]

Well, the three of us girls leave early in the morning for our road trip.

I'm so excited!!!!

Just relaxing with the dog, and getting the finals done.

Some new developments....

Yesterday H called S19 and told him about their trip as they are leaving Sunday for 2 weeks ( I'm so glad that they will be going H is getting reconnected with the kids))

I called H back and asked him what day he was leaving. I wanted to make them a lasgagna and oatmeal miffns for the trip.

Usually when WE go up there I do this kind of stuff before we leave so that on those days when you don't want to cook it's done.

Lasagna is all of their favorite. He was quiet when I told him what I wanted to do and then thanked me. Told me I didn't have to and then thanked me again.

I had to go out shopping and pick up some last minute stuff and H called my cell.

H I was wondering if I could borrow your wheelbarrow. pause....my....our wheelbarrow( he doesen`t know what to call stuff anymore when he asks for permission!) `

E you`re so cute (oops that`s what I would have said when we were together)
Sure no problem

H thanks

H also can I use the cooler?

E sure go ahead

H thanks

E the lasagna is already cooked and I will freeze everything all you have to do is thaw it out and nuke it.

H yea thanks I really appreciate it, thanks alot

E no problem

small talk...

H what time are you leaving? Hmm 3rd time he has asked

E early

H Have a good trip, have fun

E yea thanks ,you too relax and enjoy

Thanks
k bye
bye


good interaction I hope...


I had to call S21 to give him instructions on meal I was preparing for him to cook in crock pot tomorrow

S21 hi mom

E hy kiddo, where are you?

S21 dads

E what are ya doin`?

S21 shovelling....pause

E what..... s--t

H (laughing) I heard that

E Oops

(S21 little laugh too)

anyway continued to conversation with S

Hmm I hope I didn;t mess anything up.


Also found out this weekend from SIL that he told her that he still loves me but not in love with me.

She told him that maybe H should tell me that

H said yea I should.....and I think this is when he brought it up about 2 weeks ago.

I`m still wondering what is happening. But I am seeing more of the old H recently.

This is really throwing me for a loop.

I don`t want to mess this up.

Any advice would be great from someone looking at tis from the outside.

E

[enlightenbylife]

Updating thread....

Another bump in the road of life....

My job has been eliminated.

I love/loved my job. I work in the human resource dept of the Catholic school board.

It is very rewarding and a very positive position.

Also these poeple have been the biggest part of my support system since the bomb.

The director is a good friend and has always had my back.

This cutback has to do with the union and although I know that because of declining enrollment it has to be done, I'm still hoping against hope that at the 11th hour this will not happen.

I cried alot on friday because these are more than co-workers, these people are my friends and family. Some are closer than my own family members.

I'm tired of "look at the positive", " it's just another bump in the road", " you'll be o.k."

I know I will be o.k.....I always am. I`m just tired of another bump in the road.


On a positive note....

Our girls road trip went great! We had so much fun.
We laughed until we cried at some of the things we saw.
I wish I could do this more often!!!!



S21 and 2 other friends,left for cottage vacation where S19 and H have been for a week.

S19 (and friend) and H have been there since July 4th.

They will be next to each other in cottages. Lots of testtosterone on that lake

I am soo happy that H will be there with the kids. It will probably be a little hectic for him because he has not spent this much time with then in 2 summers.

I miss not being there as this was our family vacation for 23 years.

This will be good for the boys also.

I have been busy around the house doing yard work and decorating the house and yard.

I have been looking at this as a positive instead of dwelling on the "missing them part"

like....I can buy rasberries and they will still be in the fridge in the morning

.....I can make my lunch and it`s still intack for work in the morning

....I can close the blinds lock the door and walk around ``neckeed as a baby`` if I want to

.....I can sing to my music as loud as I want to

.....I can vacuum late at night or before noon

.... and I can cry as loud as I want about the crap that is going on

but I would not want this on a permanant basis as I love having them around.

This has been the longest that H has not talked to me since he moved out in March.

Hmmmm I wonder if he notices?

I`m off to go pull weeds in the yard.

It has been raing so much, I`ve been watching them grow!

E

[new_attitude]

Hi E,

I'm sorry about your job and I hope it all works out for the best, whatever that may be!
Hang in there.

[mlh78]

Enlightened-
I'm so sorry about you're job is (maybe) being eliminated. The funny thing is (not HaHa funny, more like interesting) is that I am in the exact same situation as you are. About 2 weeks ago, I was told that my job is being eliminated due to a reorg/budget changes. I too was very upset because I'd finally found a great boss/dept./position that I loved.

It is so frustrating that we keep getting "opportunities to learn life lessons" (we've had enough for now!) but there is a positive element to this: You are forced to focus on yourself and your future. I'd realized that I spend a lot of time/energy thinking about my H and what is happening with our situation. When I found out about my job going away, rather than worrying about my H, my mind went in the direction of "ok, what am I going to do?" "Where will I work?" "What will I look for in my next position/company?"

I'd never had to go through the "severance package" talk before and it absolutely sucked. No doubt about it. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm trying to use this as an opportunity to take back some of the control I think I've lost since my H went off the deep end and I've been in limbo... Feels kind of good...

Good luck in your job search, if it comes to that!

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((E))))))))

For having bad news, you sound really good! I guess everything is what you make of it, isn't it! I hope you get over this bump smoothly, I think you will!

[enlightenbylife]

NA, Thank you so much for replying to my thread.

I have been keeping up on your thread and I so wish we were at the point you are at with your H.

There will be ups and downs and I have confidence that you will be able to weather the storm.

As for me, well I'm getting a little tired of the "storms".

I would like a more calm world with "a little rain every now and then"

I know that I will be o.k. It's just that I'm a little beat up right now and I want some rest....some calmness.

I know I'm a survivor...whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger .....blah blah blah

I want someone to hold me and tell me to hang in there.

To wipe away my tears and tell me that they will be there for me no matter what.

It's times like this that I miss H so very much.

I don't always want to be strong.

E

[enlightenbylife]

mlh and Jeff

I want to respond to your posts
I'll be back in a few hours

It's sisters birthday and I'm metting her for supper

E