Ok folks I have officaly hit month 6 of sepetration on 6-15-08.
To bring everyone up to speed
1. my wife has stopped going to MC because she feels she is picked on there. never mind the 5 months she did go wetre i was asked to look at myself.
2. has been a little nicer but I have to be the one to make contact. If i dont she comfortably falls into limbo state were BNOTHING HAPPENS
3. we flirt now but she continualy puts her friends over me.n I am just a friend to her it feels yet i still look at hwer and fall in love every damn time ( sigh)
we are a little better but nutrel is still the word of the day.
after 6 montyhs I am getting a little tired and lets face it a lot lonely. I was realy thinking about spliting the finaces as she fails to see that her spending keeps putting un in the NEGATIVE.
I make around 42 thousand a year and she makes 38. even living in two seperat ( and cheeo ) places we should mnot be constently in dept. but I also am afrain thaty if I do seperate the money shr will look to this as a attack.
so to the point DBers of the world.....please give me your input. ( ps i know what you think Ladey B and I am worried it will just make it easy for her to cut me out of her life.)
DB doens't mean you let her get away with murder. She should not be able to go unchecked and bring more debt that affects you. When my stbx left I was hurting and aching to have him back, but nevertheless I protected myself and got his names off my credit cards and separated the finances (well, not before he took all our savings)
You don't want to rock the boat, but finances should be talked about, this is about your livelihood and about you working hard for money she might be squandering. There is nothing wrong with getting your own checking acct and making her responsible for whatever bills you two have together, as it is she lives who knows where, she should be responsible for her bills, not you!
Back then, stbx charged a few things on the card to get him set up in his new place. I added up his buys and told him how much he owed me, he was po'd and told me there was no money, I told him there was no way I was going to pay for his stuff. Was I aching to have him back? YES, was I going to let him step over me? NO He paid me the next day.
Dont' be afraid of rocking the boat, if she doesn't like it, what's the worst that can happen? she already left and she isnt' going to MC anymore. So she gets angry that you dont' let her live like a non-responsible teenager, about time! she is a grown woman and needs to come back to reality, she is getting into debt because she is counting on your $ to bail her out. Let her sleep on the bed she made.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
well she made it a lot easyer to make this desision today. I have been a lot me confident around her lately. I rell her I feel like kissing you right now but I realise its not what ypu want and stuff like that.
well today I went to her work and pput rainex on her windsheil for her and brought her breakfast. I have realy strove to be a lot more there for her.
well her work is : no mans land" for me. her work friends are the ones who pushed her to get a D and hate me because i take there fun time friend away. well when I brought her breakfast to her there was tension in the air. my W came over and told me how nice it was for me to do all of this but if looks could kill, I would be dead from her friends.
well anyway my W looked nicd so I told her so and how any sain man whould be hitting on her. she looked from her friends to me and said " remember Marcum no pressure" in a sing song voice so I acseppted the reminder and left it at that. well my W calls me later and went into a monologe on how its uncomfortable for me to hit on her at work and how we are saposed to be getting to know eachother and not being so strait forward. I told my W i have never been one for mind games and when she met me she liked that fact. I also went into damage control mode and told her that I understood her feelins and I whish I wasent sucnh a slow learner but next time we hang out I will remember the rules.
well she didnt seem to understand what I was saying as she wanted to tell me how frustraited she is about me being so forward. I told her I understood. this made her more made because " oviously you dont understand because we talked about this before. My pace my rules." the thing was folks she actualy seemed to mm to be more flirty and more there. now I guess I take her clear instructions and back off further. the thing is one of the things that attracted me to her was my confidence. its herd to live a life were if ashes alone Im ok but as soon as her friends are around i make her uncomfortable.
In a relationship? With who? Is she referring to you?
Sorry about that. I'm sure it hurts. I'm in a funk too.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
well im sitting in my squad when my phone just beeped, meaning i got a text. my W sent me " sleep tomorrow and i will talk to you later" we were going to walk around the farmrs market, but shes mad i have been flirting with her. i know sshe's mad i agreed with her to back off, as she feels i agree to quick to get her off my back. that is a no win situation. so i guess shes sending me a clear message ; she dosent want to talk to me right now. i almost sent her a return message but i ddnt, as she didnt ask a question, she made a request ( see minker were ever you are, i did listen)
i will gladly back of but i realy dont know what the boundry is. im dreading this " later talk" as i know she talked with her friends tonight and every time she does she finds fault with me. i want to call her so bad and show her a fun night as just a friend but i dont want to push.
Sounds like a good plan - my advice is that you make your own plans (b'day and otherwise) and have NO expectations.
"my pace, my rules" - does that mean that she has told you that she wants to do all of the initiating and that any contact initiated by you will be unwelcome? Or, are you getting a mixed message there Does she want you to pay some attention to her, just on her terms - like not at her workplace or when there is some other "audience".
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
