I've not been on the boards much lately. I've been GAL and working, making my way.
When I first posted here, oh so long ago, I thought I would be one of the reconciled Ms and if I wasn't I might just die. Well neither one of those things happened.
I tried for a very, very long time to save my M. It wasn't meant to be. My X walked out the door and never looked back. We were friendly, then not so friendly, then he turned evil, then not so friendly and finally he is nice again. I hope it stays this way, but I'm not holding my breath.
We have worked out all the D issues and have signed all the papers. I don't know if it is final yet, waiting to get the court issued decree. I have to say by the time the end rolled around I was just ready to be done with it all. Once the papers were signed X came around to being nice again,chatty even. Strange how the D seems to have lifted a weight off of him.
For those of you that followed my sitch, X now has a job, thank God. No, he hasn't seen the kids since early February but they are going to visit him in NJ for 2 weeks this summer. He is entitled to 4 weeks but is only taking 2. Typical for him. I'm happy, I get my babies back sooner.
I have/had a job that I didn't really like. I found out today that I got a new job, working with one of my best friends, with a set schedule (the old job didn't have a set schedule) and it pays $20K/year more. I start on Monday!! I do feel bad because I called after work today and told my old company I wasn't coming back (I have to go do some stuff for the new job) and got reemed for 20 minutes on the phone about what a poor choice not to give 2 weeks notice and how I will have a bad work record because of it. Sigh. I do feel guilty but I have to take care of my kids and myself and this is a permanent job with benefits, not a temp one without. And I had to start Monday or they give it to someone else. So I guess there will be some bad karma somewhere.
Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that I am happy and at peace. (except the no 2 wks notice thing) The kids are doing well, my friends and I are having a blast with and without our kids.
The turn my life took is not one that I ever wanted. Along the way I learned so much about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought I was, I learned to let go, to choose my battles and to be grateful for all I have and to be independent. I am learning forgiveness, I think that is something that will take a long while, but I am trying.
The Hell you are dragged through with MLC is so miserable yet you grow empowered as you wade through. As you detach yourself from the madness you settle into yourself and that is priceless.
My story is not a DB success, but it is a success in surviving.
I read lots on the boards and my heart aches for all the pain we all have to go through, especially the kids. My prayers are with you all.
this is a wonderful update, Shades, and you couldn't ask for anything better. Forget about the Karma issue........you did the best you could given the situation - it's your life and family on the line. That company will deal with it. I think it's very exciting to have this wonderful job come into your view. Congratulations on the new job and your great new life which will only go up from here.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Shades, You are truly a success story in your own right. You may not have saved your marriage, but you saved yourself and your children.
You sound grounded in a far better place than when you first arrived here. Congratulations on the new position! You've come a long way, survived and have come back to share w/the readers. Life doesn't always end up the way we want it, but sometimes, the curve ball may give us something more to think about and eventually enjoy and find happiness w/ourselves and our situations once again.
Shades, You sound at peace. I am so happy for you! I remember how devasted you were in the beginning of all this and now look where you are. You are truly a gem!
Shades, Thanks for coming back to share your story. I am so happy that you are doing well personally and professionally, and at peace with yourself and with life. Well done! Take care, PH
Thanks so much for the kinds words, I really appreciate them. Makes a girl feel good!
I went and did all the paperwork for the new job today. Stopped by the hospital I'll be working at and met some more of the people. They are are really, really nice. I'm looking forward to Monday.
I ran to Costco and got the stuff for baby girl's 6th bday party on Saturday. We going to the park for her party. I rented a ramada, there's great equipment and a water play section. So I went and got buckets and bubbles for everyone. I'm taking sidewalk chalk and toys, we're grilling hot dogs and just going to let them play. I hope it's fun.
Tomorrow we're going to see the new Narnia movie, can't wait!
Kids told XH that I have a new job. He was nice and congratulated me.
Then told me that he and ow are taking the kids to Boston for the 4th of July. Now this really ticked me off because all the years we lived in Jersey I begged him to take us there and he refused. Said it wasn't a great town for kids. NOW all the sudden it is. I was good, I said that the kids would really enjoy it, especially since D9 is a huge history fan, and let it go.
That's one of the things I am proud of, that I can let things go. Not all things mind you but a lot.
More evidence of how well you have learned to handle all the chaos thrown at you during this life change. Doesn't it feel great to know you can let it go.
That is not the same as giving up. Giving up diminishes us. Letting go empowers us. Enjoy having this power over your new life. Your X could have had all kinds of reasons for not wanting do some things or for wanting to do some things in the past. Live in the moment of today. Your kids wouldn't understand the past anyway. They just want to have fun today. Guess what ... my s20 and s22 have shown me that never changes
Later in life your kids will remember Boston was neat. They'll remember their dad took them there. And, they will remember you weren't there because of how he ended the M and divided the family. It won't be their favorite memories. They will much more likely rate birthday parties in the park at the top and they will want to recreate those moments with their own children. Kudos to you and the kids.
And CONGRATS on the job. As for karma, you may be looking at that wrong. If there is to be any bad karma, it will be for the former employer trying to bully and guilt you. They KNOW the law strictly limits what can be said about you if they ever have the opportunity to comment on your work history. You were not in a position to offer them extended notice and you were never in any contractual obligation to do so. Nor were they obligated to give you similar consideration. The person giving you all that crap would have done exactly the same thing you did in that situation so consider all that karma to be their personal problem ... and blow some bubbles in their honor at the party !!!
