Ok, so I went and saw a lawyer today for a consultation.
She is a lawyer for the town my brothers work in.
She knows my brothers so she said she would speak with me.
She gave me a free consultation today, however she said she is looking to downsize and does not want to take up any new clients with big cases such as mine.
She did give us some good info though.
She told me in her 22 years of practice she has never told anyone to get rid of their L, but she recommended that I do as such. She told me to just not quote her on that because she doesn't want it getting back to her that she is bad mouthing other lawyers.
She feels my L is not doing what needs to be done and thinks it was totally unprofessional of her to do what she did to me yesterday in court.
She does not blame me for having no confidence left in her or for the court system in that matter.
She thinks it's ridiculous that we are even going to trial and doesn't understand how this has not been settled already.
She said the judge had no right to call me vindictive and couldn't get over that she won't allow me to move.
She said that my reasons for moving are VERY valid and she sees people getting approved of moving all the time for the same exact reasons as me.
She told me I needed a go-getter attorney that has an "in" up in the county I am in. (This L is from the county below where JA lives)
She gave me a few names of other lawyers that she thought were good. One of the names she gave me she said she was up against in court and was very impressed with her. She said this L was a real go-getter and worked hard for her clients. She told that she stood out in her mind out of all the rest.
She told me though before she I left she would call up a another L in my county who she was friends with, who was not a divorce L, for a recommendation.
So she called up her friend and told her my sitch a little and asked her who she thought was the best divorce L in my county who could get me what I needed. Her friend ended up recommending the same L who she did! So this L comes highly recommended.
I have an appointment with her on Thursday. If I like her I will retain her.
All I know is that things can't keep continuing on the same path they have been, which is downhill for me.
I have nothing personal against my L but I have no confindence in her at all at this point. She has let me down big time yesterday.
Also, I am tired of everytime I go see her for advice, it's always a different story with her.
I just want to get this done and over with.
It would be nice if I could get this new L and she can push for a settlement and get me what I need without having to go to trial or an appeal.
One thing the Law Guardian recommended to the judge yesterday was to allow a 6 month trial for JA to step up to the plate and be a good Dad.
This means he would have to pay for all child care costs so I can go back to school. Plus, if I get a job a night time he would have to be the one to come up at night and take care of the kids.
The L from yesterday said make it hard on him as possible. Financially and physically. He doesn't think JA would last a month which would prove my point of why I need my parent's support with the kids.
I don't know, we shall see. I don't want to use my children as pawns either.
MrsH, it sounds like you are taking your situation and making it positive! Good for you. I hope this L you are meeting with on Thurs is what you need.
I really like the Law guardians recommendation for JA to step up to the plate. If you get a job at night, he should be the one to babysit...go back to school...you want to be a nurse...it betters you and the financial situation for your family. JA should be responsible for child care costs during this time.
I don't think you are using your children as pawns at all. If anything, they are going to get to spend the "extra" time with their father that JA seems to be insisting on lately.
I think JA will be a go-getter for about a month, after that his priorities will take over and he won't be available for the kids as often...that is when the judge will see you are trying your best to be independant and will let you move closer to your parents for the sake of the betterment of your situation.
I think it could work MrsH, Things are going to work out for the best for you....you deserve it...
OH, did you watch idol last night? I don't think David Cook is going to win...
Mrs, I agree with Mom. I think that you going to school at night or getting a job then might work in your favor. The judge will see that you're not being "vindictive" that you are working with JA's schedule so that he can spend more time with the boys while you are improving yourself. And that you are not out to take the moron for everything, that you are indeed moving forward and bettering yourself and educating yourself so that you can provide for your family as well as JA.
I also think JA will give up after a while. But you do need to make sure that it is noted that the kids have a specific bedtime because as we all know JA will try to keep them up all night long so that they are cranky and out of sorts during the day when you have them.
Also, make sure that he isn't planning on going for custody of the kids. Just sayin'. I am to cautious now sometimes but he needs to put on record that YOU are to be the primary custodian parent, period. I don't want him to come back and say that he is taking care of them, feeding them dinner and bathing them and blah, blah, blah. Of course he would be but those are the things you do during the day too.
I know, probably overkill and worry on my part. But let's face it JA has not been the most forthcoming of fellows.
Hope you have a great meeting with the new L on Thursday, and that you LOVE her. I think you are being very proactive in meeting with someone one and not just taking what you get from your current L.
I have the feeling that death is highly overrated as a means of ridding one's self of miserable circumstances.
I'm going to assume that you are simply journaling and trying to express the sadness and frustration you are feeling, because continually talking about wishing you were dead is very disturbing.
If you truly feel this way, are even having thoughts about it, you must agree to go speak with someone.
Many of us here have experienced the feelings of hopelessness that tend to make us think it would be better to just be gone. Hopefully all of us realize how ridiculous that is, how weak that is, and how it would truly solve absolutely nothing.
Yes, your husband is among the greatest of asses that I have ever read about on this board.
Keep in mind that you have NOT been well served by your attorney. In fact, out of my ignorance I will say that I would be strongly considering charges of malpractice.
Make sure your new lawyer is completely aware of everything, and completely aware that strong action needs to be taken, and quickly.
Do NOT quit just because it seems the cards are stacked against you.
There is so much anger still in you, and yes, I understand why. But that anger poisons everything around you, most importantly YOU and how you get through each day.
Regardless of all that has happened, the two of you remain the parents of your lovely children. And those boys want both their Mom and their Dad. Him wanting to spend time with the children, even if it's motivated by selfishness, is far better for the boys than him wanting nothing to do with them.
At some point we have to not just tolerate the cards that life has dealt us.
We have to EMBRACE it.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I STILL BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING NOT ABOVE BOARD WITH JA'S L AND THE JUDGE.....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
