Any Regrets???

[SunnySeason]

Hi Puppy,

Could you come over & help me out.....I just found a keylogger on my computer, so I guess my H has been following my every move.



Any Regrets????

Yep, that I never thought a WAS would put one on a LBS & never thought to look until I read your thread.

Sunny

[Kelly23]

I wish I would have kicked him out the day I found out. I should have spent the last 6 months getting myself together instead of dealing with him. I am angry at myself for not being able to GAL and get over it.

[JAK58]

Puppy you are right about snooping.

They need to be held accountable for there actions. This is something I have done all along and everytime I found something I cofronted H. I do not think we would have come as far as we have if I hadn't held him accountable. We still have a lot of work to do, H is still going through withdrawl from his EA/OW co worker(on his part only) fantasy But I have the feeling that will come to a head soon. As I will be addressing this at the right time as I have done all of the waiting that I feel I can.

Right now I don't know if I would have done any thing different for sure.
The only thing I can think of that maybe I could have done is Kick his a$$ to the curb. It would have been a lot easier for me emotionally to distance and GAL.(which im'e still working on and it's been a long time) It's very hard while they are living with you and still in the marital bed with all of the benefits.(which I feel has kept him with me but, kept him from doing work.)

JAK

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Jak,

Thanks for posting. Just trying to clarify one thing: are you giving him, um, "marital benefits" just since he agreed to end it with OW, or did you sleep with him throughout?

thanks,

Puppy

[JAK58]

Puppy,

I have slept with him throughout.

I can tell that it does mean a lot to him. Like he is really trying to stay connected as much as he can.

Just talked fantasy OW this morning and she said that he said the other day to her that he wanted be able to get back to being friends.
She said NO. Not possible she told him to much has happened and she does not feel comfortable being friends.

She also told me that his friends can tell he is depressed as he is not interested in anything.

She has even bought a book on MLC so that she could try to understand what is happening and said boy is he ever classic.


JAK

[stubborn]

Jak, does that mean you talked to OW? ick. I'm strong but how I'd keep from tearing her face off is beyond me...maybe I misunderstood.


Greatest regret: When she first said she was going, DD would be ok, kids are resilient etc, etc....I wish I had been strong enough to say "ok, by Tuesday please" or some such black and white answer that would have forced her into reality. It might have brought about a quicker resolution.

I wish I had been and even now were more direct in my communication and had been more able to practice the communication techniques that I have seen to work best with her. Her anger scares me and I avoid it but it's just anger and I've survived so far. Let her get mad.

I regret almost always playing 'fair'. the few times I went dark or mysterious did have an impact but were HARD on me. I felt guilty. Ironic given what she was doing.