Just wanted to see how are you doing and give you a ((hug))!
I need to do tons of reading to get back on track, will catch up with you later.
Good luck with your 180, btw.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I'm ok. Had a bad night last night and today is wearing me down.
H's cell phone bill is through the roof and am so upset about it for many reasons. I know that his phone is a smart phone and he can email, text, surf the net etc with it and he spends a lot of time away from the computer so his phone is used as a computer. Those fees can get pretty high BUT not enough to explain why the bill is so high. All this after he has told me in the past to only text for important things and that we needed to keep the bills low. AND he told me 3 weeks ago that I am not very good at administering the finances. I mean WTF?
My T told me that we all have an inner child and we sometimes act on that. He said it sounds like H's inner child is emerging or emerged.
Fine have fun but why is the bill so high!!! Obviously I'm becoming more paranoid by the minute. I feel like I'm going to snap tomorrow when they get home.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I know what you mean about "snapping". I'm in the same frame of mind. Try to calm down. Does H pay for the cell bill? There's really not much you can do, especially if he's the one paying for it. If you confront him in an angry tone, he'll become defensive. You can't control what he's doing especially now that you're S. Try to talk to him calmly if you decide to bring it up.
Good luck with the convo.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Thanks Addie. I feel like a dried out twig and all it takes is one small step to snap me.
Well, we pay everything together. Both our phones are in his name. What irritates me is his double standards. Telling me to be careful with money and then him spending so much on a phone bill. Before he moved out his bill was reasonable. Now in 3 months it has sky rocketed.
I will try and talk to him in a nice way tomorrow. I think basically he needs to reevaluate his plan. Or at least look at it and see what his limits are within it.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm so sorry you feel down. Please try not to get into arguing over the bill with him. You will definitely snap then and nothing good will come out of it. All our WAS turn into irresponsible children, sometimes it seems more than we can bear, but sooner or later it will pass.
(((hugs)))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Jen, When you talk to him about the bill, try to use questions. Like "I've noticed the bill has gotten higher. How do you think this can be taken care of?"
When H and I separated, I immediately began to separate bills and accounts quickly as I know my H is horrid with finances. This looked to him like I couldn't wait to separate for divorce, I think. It's a really stickly place, isn't it?
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
My H was kind of out of control with his spending for the first few months after the bomb.. and once we got to friendly terms I said to him "It's your money and your business how you spend it.. but I did want to make you aware that you have been spending a lot of money lately and since I am paying the bills from the accounts I felt I should mention it to you just in case you weren't aware.". I was matter of fact.. not rude, not blaming, not chastising... just mentioning it since he left me responsible for the money and I wasn't sure he was paying attention to how much money was going out of the accounts.
Every sitch is different.. but level heads do prevail as they say! Best of luck to you my friend!
We talked about the bill and he knows he needs to check into the plan he has. But also being so stubborn he's telling me that we need to set the financials straight. He doesn't seem interested in changing anything really. I'll let him coast as is for a while. "Yes dear spend all you want no problem..." LOL
Well, I signed up as a Herbalife Distributor. Hopefully that'll go well and I won't be so dependent on H and our company together. I need to cut those strings too.
D is happy as a lark! Couldn't wait to get to school this morning and tell her friends all about her trip.
Am half way through the book. It's pretty good but I'll read it a 2nd time as soon as I finish it.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Jen, you sound well. What does H mean regarding setting the financials straight? Ignoring it?
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
