My wife and I have been having a lot of troubles lately and we just sold our house and am in the process of packing and moving. She said she wanted to separate with this move. We have 2 kids who are almost 3 and have about 2 weeks before we have to move out and we have to do a lot of packing. Typically in the evenings she wants me to rub her feet and sit by her....yet she still want s to separate. What should I do for these two weeks.
Should I treat ourselves as being separated after the kids go to bed (i.e. just work on packing at the other end of the house, don't rub her feet, etc). A few months back she said she wanted some space and I attempted this and before I was 1/2 hour before she wanted me to rub her feet. Should I just say something like "I'm sorry but I don't feel we are giving this separation a fair view if I am still meeting your needs" or should I meet them a little bit and then go off and do something else
Be cordial if questioned but don't show any interest beyond what she is interested in?
Should I sleep in the other end of the house....i.e. should I just pretend I live somewhere else when the kids are asleep.
How should I handle things these next 2 weeks? Any advice is appreciated
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Hi TwinDad. I think what we all need is a little more background.
How long have you known each other? How long have you been married? Has she expressed unhappiness before this? Have you two had marriage problems? Did she suffer from postpartum depression? Have there been any major life changes (other than having kids)? Have you asked why she wants to separate? Do you think there could me another man in the picture? Be honest. Have you read the book "Divorce Remedy"?
Help us to help you.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
- We have known each other about 12 years and have been married 11 - She has expressed unhappiness before periodically. Some on and off, alot of times when I don't want to do what she wants right then and there (i.e. the last one was whether or not to have a third child) - We have had marriage problems before. About 4 years ago she was going out and partying and making out with other guys and shortly after this I developed a friendship to a co-worker that could be considered and EA but then just reverted to a ordinary friendship - I feel she had a period of Post Partum depression about 9 months after the kids were born for a period of about 9 months. During this period she didn't do hardly anything with taking care of the kids....this was my main reason for not wanting a 3rd (I was doing the lions share of the work) - We are in the process of having some major life changes....my wifes job and income was adversely affected by a major hurricane, we just sold our custom designed and built house (act of sale in 2 weeks) to reduce costs and we are having difficulty finding a new place to live. She wants us to make a clean break and separate at this point. - She says she wants to separate to heal her wounds. I suspected she was having an EA with an exboyfriend (myspace IMing, text messages that were being deleted) and I was maintaing a friend ship that she didn't approve of (bottom line we both made mistakes) - A thought there was another man for a while (the one mentioned above), mainly because I would ask her to be open and honest and to include me in the firendship and what was being talked about and the repsonse I got was (you don't deserve to know). Since then, I think she realizes that her friendship developed into an EA and seems to be pulling back a bit - I just went out and bought the book today
The only other pertinant stuff is that we seem to get along very well (lots of laughter, sleeping in the same bed, two way communication), though she is having intimacy issues. I also get a barrage of mixed signals from her (ex. when looking at houses she will describe it as "our" house and "we" will do that and then a little while later she will ask me if I had been looking at places to stay). This has been very confusing and an emotional rollercoaster
Hoe this gives more information....any help is appreciated
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
usually a major event (her job loss) would trigger MLC or have the unhappy person make a drastic decision in order to cures what ails her. At the very beginning of my separation, both of us still used "honey" or other pet names, merely by habit, so maybe that's why the "our" and "we" statements are made by her, perhaps.
It clearly unsettles you that she asks for space then acts as if all is alright and wants acts of service, when she asks, just tell her you have to do something, in a nice way, perhaps her brain will catch up "but what's wrong...oh".
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
