"Kerry-my immediate concerns and fears I think are pretty damn obvious...I am scared shitless of being ALONE. I have had my H with me since 16 and now at 35 don't. I honestly don't want to live alone without the companionship of a man. So if that makes me weak or lacking of self love or self respect as others may see it so be it."
That makes you human. Scared, confused, alone.. Yea I can get with you on that. This is the logical thing to do. I can see why you went this way. I can also see why the guy you are with went this way. This is a band-aid. Make no mistake about it. It is a temporary solution to your problem. In many ways.
"Hell his parents are paying for him to go out of the country on a 'gee poor Danny is so stressed and needs a break' trip with his current girlfriend and yes they know about the affiar and this current GF."
I can see alot of hurt and bitterness in this. I kinda suspect that you wish they had done this for you. In your time of need. Again I can feel you on this. Its hard for a man to ask his parents for help. We will always go back to what we know. This you have to chalk up to he was desperate. Just as you he is reaching out. The people picking up the slack are people close to him. I want to tell you don't take this personal. I know I am too late. This is the sh*t that comes from poor choices. He has made a ton of them too.
You have a lot of info coming your way... I am gonna try and keep the posts small. It is easier for me to reference.
Everybody.. Please don't post too much.. I have to go line by line. I don't even know if she is listening but I am going to continue on.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
"He has been told by me in the last couple weeks that all this nonsense can stop if he comes home and that all I want is for my family unit of 4 together again."
#1.. He hates to hear you talk. It is so over the top with "Queen B" that he has a switch. He is going to say the exact opposite of what he thinks you want to hear. Go to Vegas. Put some money on that. I saw that from way over here.
" I almost believe that he is so shamed and guilty for what he has done to me that he would much rather see me happy with someone else that won't do to me what he did and is hoping that is this current person."
Ummm... No. You got this wrong. Guilt is there, it does not have the impact you think. I am a guy.. I think with my "little one". He is coming at you with proving he is better. That is the appeal. I told you long ago.. He was going to come at you. You learned nothing. Logic will bite you. As logical as you say you are.. you have alot of Emotion in you. Emotion has the lead here. It is as apparent as me showing my "Drama Queen".
Taking a break.. Got more for you to ignore coming.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Are you willing to give up your lover and take a good "time out" for yourself to think?
Sometimes in the midst of the "bomb" and the anxiety and the stress we make bad choices for ourselves.
We have all made bad decisions, and we all acted badly in the begining of this mess.
We need to get back to basics and try and figure things out for our own lives without finding something to distract us, it's the only way that we can become grounded again.
What goals have you made for yourself?
What changes have you made for yourself?
What are some of the things you have wanted to do for yourself but kept putting off for years?
If you can use this Separation for something positive you can become someone that you can be very proud of.
Nobody is telling you that you are an evil harlot, it is just that many of us have walked this path before and we can see the train wreck.
(((((((hugs)))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I don't Know. I love him but I just don't see how this is going to work. How will we ever trust each other? I want to be happy. I am not happy. What do I need to do?
"Do you want this Marriage saved?"
Yes.
"Or are you using this place as a place to vent?"
Yes. (I think I (Forrest) could add to this but I won't)
"Are you willing to give up your lover and take a good "time out" for yourself to think?"
Yes and No.
"What are some of the things you have wanted to do for yourself but kept putting off for years?"
I want to be happy. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to roll out on the high note. I want to know what true love is. I want to be the couple that people look at and say "What do they have?"
Now.. Heather. Come on here and post where I got it wrong. I think I am about 90% right.
Brandnewday.. You rock! (FG)
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
It is important that MMB be allowed to answer the questions without any coaching from the sidelines. Once notions or answers are put into anyones head it tends to lead them away from their first thoughts. She needs to answer for herself rather than what she thinks Forrest or anyone else thinks she should say. Perhaps you should back off and let her respond.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
It is important that MMB be allowed to answer the questions without any coaching from the sidelines. Once notions or answers are put into anyones head it tends to lead them away from their first thoughts. She needs to answer for herself rather than what she thinks Forrest or anyone else thinks she should say. Perhaps you should back off and let her respond.
~ swl
I agree.
The only other thing I want to add is.....you can and should give your opinion on someone's thread....but if they make it clear they would prefer you don't post to them, don't post to them anymore. Your own thread should kind of be your 'safe place' (within the rules of the board).
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
YES...I did get the papers. And H didn't even have the correct dates for his own childrens birth years. He also left our marriage year blank and the clerk of the court accepted that and signed off on the papers.
I have 30 days to respond from the date I signed for the papers and I have not done that yet. He filled them out as we mutually agreed to seperate. Which dah...no we didn't. I did tell him however that I would not nail him to the wall and ruin him as a person although I was advised by a lawyer that I could and had every right to do so.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
YES everyone I would love to have my marriage back. How though when he professes he is so much happier now with this new life? He doesn't have to drive an hour plus to come home anymore...this GF he has has so many of the same interests as he whereas he and I had no sporting or physical activity things in common. And how in the world could I ever trust him to not cheat on me again and keep it a secret for 5 months then leave again? Our kids could not handle that emotional stress again.
I am very lost and confused right now and will need to come back to this later. I must get the kids lunches together and out the door for school and me for work.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
